What Cats Think About Christmas

I'm still alive, people! lol

A lot has been going on and I will be updating you guys soon. Meanwhile, I hope Eddy hasn't been driving you guys too crazy with all of the great online deals. Maybe some of you even took the opportunity to save some bucks on your Holiday shopping!

Anyway, it's Christmas Eve and we both wanted to take a moment to wish you and yours all the best. For those of you who get really stressed out this time of year, we came across this video that totally cracked us up, so we thought we'd share the fun. It's about what Christmas is like for cats. Clearly, it's no big deal. All you cat lovers and owners out there will totally relate. As for the rest of you trust us, it's funny! Possibly in appropriate at times, but funny. :)




Merry Christmas!

JB & Eddy

40% off Boot Sale at ShoeDazzle

Greetings, shoe lovers!

Are you looking for the perfect shoes to complete your New Year's Eve party attire?

Whether you're going to a black tie event or a casual house party, ShoeDazzle has every style to complete your look.

Best of all, from December 20th through the 27th, ShoeDazzle is offering 40% off all boots!



Don't miss your chance to shop this fabulous sale. Click on over to ShoeDazzle today.

Until next time,

Eddy

Free Shipping + 15% off New Year's Cards at Tiny Prints

Hi all,

Can you believe that Christmas is only 1 week away? Well, that means that New Year's is 2 weeks away, so there's time to get yourself some personalized New Year's cards from Tiny Prints.

With over 250 designs to choose from, you're sure to find some awesome cards that you can customize with pictures, by changing the font and text, and by adding special features like rounded edges and matching address labels.

For the the cheapest delivery, you'll want to order them ASAP... like today... so that you get them just after Christmas and have plenty of time to write in them, address them, and get them to your recipients just after New Year's Day.

As always, ordering is easy. Here's what to do:

1. Click on over to Tiny Prints and choose from their 250+ New Year's card designs.

2. Once you've made your selections, customize them to your liking.

3. Proceed to place your order and, if you order today, be sure to use promo code DEC20SW to get 15% off and code HOLFS to get free shipping off orders of $49 or more.

Your cards will arrive in 7-10 business days, or faster if you select speedier shipping options.

So, head on over to Tiny Prints and get your New Year's cards today!

Until next time,

Eddy

Abe's Market $1000 Shopping Spree Contest Still Open!

Hey Everyone,

I'm just sending out a reminder that there is still time to enter to win a $1000 Shopping Spree from Abe's Market.

As I mentioned before, Abe's Market sells food, clothing, home decor, beauty products, and many more natural, organic and cco-friendly items. You can even get free shipping sitewide until the end of the year.



To enter the contest, just click on over to Abe's Market.



Best of luck to one and all!

Until next time,

Eddy

Order Photo Gifts from Tiny Prints in Time for Christmas

Good day, fine folks!

Any last minute Christmas shoppers out there?

You should check out Tiny Prints' Photo Gifts and create some awesome personalized items. Your friends, family, and coworkers will love them!

You can personalize Mugs and iPhone Cases and even Custom stamps and embossers.

Today is the last day to order and have your creations delivered in time for Christmas, so you'll want to visit Tiny Prints or click any of the links above, pick your design, upload pictures, edit the text, and then place your order before the day is through.

Also, if you order today, you can get 20% off your entire order. So, if you still need some Christmas cards, you can get those as well.




Have fun personalizing your Photo Gifts!

Until next time,

Eddy

Get Your New Year's Party Invitations at Tiny Prints

Hey Everyone,

I know we haven't celebrated Christmas yet, but if you're having a New Year's party, Tiny Prints is the perfect place to order some fantastic invitations.

As always, you can personalize your selections, change font sizes, add your own text, and even use their Online RSVP Manager. What 's that, you ask? Well, they'll make you a FREE RSVP website! Is that super cool, or what?

The order process is very easy:

1. Check out Tiny Prints and browse their selection of New Year's party invitations.

2. Add your information for the invitations.

3. Look them over and make sure they are good to go.

4. Proceed to check out.

Note: if you need them fast, just use Super Rush shipping and you'll have your cards in 2 days,





That's all, folks!


Until next time,

Eddy

Tiny Prints Last Shipping Day + Save up to 25%

Hey All,

I just wanted to send out a reminder that today is the last day to guarantee that you can order holiday cards from Tiny Prints and get them out to family and friends before Christmas.

Using promo code 25DEC, you can also save up to 25% today --- that's 20% on all orders and 25% on orders over $149.

Ordering couldn't be easier. Here's what to do:

1. Visit Tiny Prints and look through their Holiday Card selection.

2. After you've selected all the cards you need, you can personalize them by uploading pictures and writing your own holiday messages.

3. When you're all set, just give those cards a quick review to be sure everything is just the way you want

4. Proceed to checkout and remember to use promo code 25DEC to save 20-25%.

Your cards should arrive by Friday, or possibly Monday at the latest, so you'll want to get them written, addressed, stamped, and then in the mail right away.


Off you go to Tiny Prints to get to work on a some awesome personalized cards!

Until next time,

Eddy

Save 15% off Holiday Gifts at Layla Grayce

Hi all,

'Tis the season, as you all know, and Layla Grayce is offering 15% off all holiday gifts with promo code merry valid through December 23rd, 2012.

I've started you off with few gift ideas below, and you can find a whole lot more to get excited about on the Layla Grayce website.

For a gal who loves glam, check out this gorgeous Stephanie Johnson Palm Desert White Snap Mirror. The zebra-inspired print in metallic gold gives this compact mirror the high-profile glamour of a desert oasis.



Another great gift is the Kirra Tate Chevron Blue Bracelet Set. This set of four angular bangles come in a funky zig-zag shape and are totally on trend.




Looking for a soft, cuddly companion for the kids? Check out the Blabla Doll Wooly Giant. Hand knit by Peruvian artisans, this doll is sure to intrigue both toddlers and older kids with its endearing face, tall stature and slightly quirky style.




Remember: You have from now through December 23rd to save on holiday gifts at Layla Grayce with promo code merry.

Have fun shopping!

Until next time,

Eddy

Win a $1000 Shopping Spree from Abe's Market!

Hey Everyone,

How does a $1000 shopping spree sound? Pretty awesome, right?

Well, Abe's Market is giving you a chance to win a $1000 Shopping Spree!

Abe's Market sells really fantastic natural products. You can buy food, beauty products, clothing, home decor and a whole lot more. They're even offering free shipping sitewide from now until the end of the year, so that's another way that you can save.



Hurry on over to Abe's Market today and enter for your chance to win.



Good luck!!!

Until next time,

Eddy

ShoeDazzle Two for the Price of One Event!

Good day, shoe lovers!

Why not give the the gift of style this holiday season and shop ShoeDazzle during their buy two for the price of one event?

As a ShoeDazzle customer, you’ll find shoe, handbag and accessory recommendations chosen by a team of Hollywood stylists. Best of all, you can find items as low as $39.95!

This offer is valid for a limited time only and on select styles, so click on over to ShoeDazzle now before this deal is done.




Have fun shopping!

Until next time,

Eddy

Shop or Get Off the Pot?

I know what you're thinking – WTF, JB?

Well, "wtf" is what I was thinking when I read this article about people shopping on their mobile devices while sitting on the toilet.

I understand multitasking & making the best use of your time. Truly, I get it, but must you shop while you plop?

And this goes for texting, tweeting, emailing and whatever else you're doing on your cell phone, iPad, tablet, laptop... in the bathroom.

I mean it, folks, is nothing sacred?

Can't you just do whatever toilet business you have to do, and then use your mobile devices after you wash your hands and get out of the bathroom?

Come on, people!

~ sigh ~

JB

Get 35% off all Photo Gifts at Tiny Prints This Weekend

Hello all,

The sales just won't stop at Tiny Prints!

This weekend they are offering 35% off all photo gifts as a part of Cyber Week.

The sale starts today -- Saturday, December 1st through Sunday, December 2nd at 11:59 pm PT.

The promo code for this picturesque sale is CYBER1130.

Make your way to Tiny Prints and enjoy these holiday savings before time runs out!

Until next time,

Eddy

Save 25% off Sitewide This Weekend at Tiny Prints

Good day, folks.

Looks like Tiny Prints is extending their cyber week sale right through the weekend.

Starting today -- Friday, November 30th through Sunday, December 2nd -- you can save 25% off sitewide with promo code WKDSALE1112.

If you're already a Tiny Prints customer, then you know how awesome their items are and how easy it is to personalize what you buy with your own unique touches.

So, before this sale ends Sunday, December 2nd at midnight Pacific Time, get all your custom holiday cards, Christmas cards, Hanukkah cards, holiday party invitations, custom photo gifts and whatever else catches your eye!




Remember: just use promo code WKDSALE1112 during checkout to get 25% off your personalized creations.


Until next time,

Eddy

30% off Sitewide Sale at Tiny Prints Continues!

Hey Everyone,

Guess what?

If you missed the Tiny Prints 30% off Sitewide Sale on Cyber Monday/Tuesday, it's being extended for two more days -- Wednesday, November 28th and Thursday, November 29th!

So, you can still get a great deal on the best custom holiday cards, Christmas cards, Hanukkah cards, holiday party invitations, custom photo gifts, etc.

Everything is customizable, so it's all about using your imagination to personalize what you buy. Then, when you're ready to check out, use promo code CB12 to get the 30% off discount.

Remember: the sale ends tomorrow at midnight Pacific Time, so head on over to Tint Prints today!



Until next time,

Eddy

Treat Cyber Monday Sale Extended!

Heads up, Everyone!

If you missed out on the Treat Cyber Monday sale, they have extended the promo code CYBERTREAT through Wednesday, November 28th. So, you still have time to save 30% on their already discounted card packs.

Once again, the prices are as follows:

18 Card Pack: $1.39/card, 60% Off Regular Card Price

12 Card Pack: $1.57/card, 55% Off Regular Card Price

6 Card Pack: $1.74/card, 50% Off Regular Card Price

The more cards you send, the more you save with the Treat Card Club.

Click on over to Treat and start personalizing your Holiday cards today!

Until next time,

Eddy

Save up to 60% off During the Treat Cyber Monday Sale

Hi All,

Just in case one Cyber Monday sale on greeting cards wasn't enough, you can save up to 60% on Treat greeting cards with the Treat Card Club.

Today -- Monday, November 26th -- if you use the promo code CYBERTREAT, you can save 30% on their already discounted card packs.

What is the Treat Card Club?

A super cool way to get great discounts (up to 60% off on Cyber Monday) and save a bunch of time during checkout by pre-ordering greeting cards in bulk.

Here are the Cyber Monday Prices:

18 Card Pack: $1.39/card, 60% Off Regular Card Price

12 Card Pack: $1.57/card, 55% Off Regular Card Price

6 Card Pack: $1.74/card, 50% Off Regular Card Price

The more cards you send, the more you save with the Treat Card Club.

Treat offers three card packs (6, 12 or 18 cards), which means significantly greater value (personalized card) and lower cost per card than what you could expect to pay for a generic greeting card at retail.

Use the cards in your packs to create and send any card from the Treat collection any time you want. Plus, redemption of cards can be applied during any current or future card purchases. Once you use up all the cards in the pack, Treat makes it easy for you to replenish your card stock should you need more.

Treat's card plans take the hassle out of buying and sending cards, and they make it totally easy and fun to create a personalized card for someone special.

Remember: this sale is for one day only, so check out Treat today and take advantage of the fantastic savings.

Until next time,

Eddy

Cyber Monday 30% off Deal at Tiny Prints

Hello all you fine people!

I am back with yet another Cyber Monday deal. This time it's from Tiny Prints, where you can buy your holiday cards, invitations, and more.

For two days only -- Monday, November 26 and Tuesday, November 27 -- Tiny Prints is offering 30% off everything on their site.

Get custom holiday cards, Christmas cards, Hanukkah cards, holiday party invitations, custom photo gifts and a whole lot more.

The Tiny Prints site is super easy to use and you can customize everything. You write your own text, upload pictures, and make everything uniquely you!

Just use promo code CB12 when you checkout to get this terrific 30% off deal.

Remember: the sale ends tomorrow at midnight, Pacific Time, so check out Tiny Prints today.



Have fun being creative and stay tuned for more deals coming up during the week!

Until next time,

Eddy

Black Friday & Cyber Monday Sale at Layla Grayce

Hey Everyone,

It's Eddy once again with some great offers from a store I told you about a couple weeks back called Layla Grayce.

This time they are having a Black Friday & Cyber Monday sale. For six days only, you can save 15% off almost the ENTIRE site (of course, some exclusions apply) with promo code HOLIDAY. The sale is valid through Thursday, November 22nd to Tuesday, November 27th, 2012.

To get you started, check out the gift ideas below.

For the children on your list, there's the adorable Zig Zag Bedhead pajama set. These soft cotton pajamas make bedtime fun with lively prints just for kids.



Don't know what to get your co-workers? Let them re-decorate their office space with an awesome Mirror Magnet Board. It comes with five brass magnets, so they can start hanging their memos and photos right away!



Your tech savvy friends or family members might appreciate a Boatman Geller Personalized Cell Phone Case. These cases come in bright and preppy patterns that turn phones into the ultimate accessory.



Remember, the sale is for 6 days only, so head on over to Layla Grayce today and have fun shopping!

Until next time,
Eddy

ShoeDazzle Black Friday & Cyber Monday Deals

Hello Shoe Lovers!

I thought you ladies might be interested in a couple of fab deals being offered by ShoeDazzle beginning this Wednesday, November 21st through to Sunday, November 25th. During this time, you can get up to 50% off select styles (no code required)!

Awesome, right?

Well, the awesomeness doesn't end there!

Stop by ShoeDazzle on Monday, November 26th and check out the one day only 40% off Boot Sale (no code required)!

Remember, deals start this Wednesday, so treat yourself or someone on your gift shopping list with stylish shoes or boots this Holiday season.

Have fun shopping & stay tuned for more deals coming up later this week!

Until next time,

Eddy

Psychics - Are They for Real?

I was talking to Eddy today and we somehow got sidetracked into a conversation about psychics. Are they for real? Are we all psychic? Can we learn how to be psychic?

I don’t know about you, but I have these déjà vu type moments all the time. Mostly they are visual or scent related cues that get me going. Eddy says it’s mostly scent and auditory cues for her. So, we’re wondering about all of you out there. Do we all have these moments and what would happen if we paid more attention to them?

What about going to see a psychic? We’ve both been to see a psychic or two and with mixed results. For instance, Eddy and Bitter (my sister) both went to the same psychic years ago, and my sister came out of the session totally freaked out. The psychic was bang on about pretty much everything. There were also future related events that my sister was told to expect and that came true. Eddy's reading was fairly accurate, but the predicted future events were off. As for myself, I went to a psychic after everything that happened between me and my Ex and found my reading a combination of hit and miss.

In the end, we came to the conclusion that a good reading is based on how open you are to being “read” and to “receiving” what the psychic has to say. On the flip side, if you want to believe, there’s also the possibility of you manifesting the future based events into reality subconsciously.

What do you guys think? Have any of you had readings? How did they turn out? Let me know.

JB

Layla Grayce Launches Redesigned Website

Hey All,

Eddy here sitting in for JB. If you're like me, you like to get your Holiday shopping started early and not be rushing around at the last minute. So, I thought I'd share with you a really great site with some fantastic products.

The site is called Layla Grayce, and it actually just went through a redesign. In addition to a fresh new look, they've added some bells and whistles just for you.

For instance, you can now check customer reviews to read firsthand information on product experiences and weigh in on your favorite purchases.

They also have a brand new design board, where you can mix and match different products and perfect your look before you purchase.

If you're looking for ideas to help you get a jump start on your next project, check out the revamped Backroom Blog for inspiration and helpful tips.

Start your Holiday shopping now. Visit the newly designed Layla Grayce website today!





Until next time,
Eddy

A Case of Mistaken Identity

This is a story about the day that my mother robbed the bank down the street from the restaurant we used to own. Yes, you read that right. Who would have thought that a 4’11, 65-year-old women weighing in around 100 pounds could pull off such a feat without ever leaving her place of work? Well, let me tell you how it all went down.

On a super sunny, yet awfully chilly, Saturday afternoon in November we were doing what we always do before opening for dinner service – prep work. My mother was actually busy cleaning a leg of veal because the butcher didn’t have the cut of meat she wanted for delivery earlier in the week, so he had to special order it. Even though we had nothing to do with it, this setback made my mother rather angry and irritated with all of us, so my sister, HWSNBN, my Ex and I decided we’d let her be alone with her meat for a while.

As I was putting the liquor order away, I suddenly heard tires squealing like Vin Diesel and the rest of the Fast Five crew were tearing around a curve in the road. I look up and out the window across the way from where I was standing to see three police cars pull in fast and furious, alright. Two of them came right up to the front door, while the other car blocked the entrance to the parking lot.

My first thought was that they were coming for HWSNBN because he had just picked up some stuff from a couple of friends who are entrepreneurs of exotic plant sales, if you get my drift. My second thought was that maybe they found out what my sister had been up to lately (a story for another day). I had no time for a third thought because the cops started banging on the door.

Me: (holy crap!!!!!) Okay, everyone, just stay calm and act naturally.

Officer: Police, open up!

Me: (yelling out) Coming! Just a moment, please!

As I made my way to the door, my sister and my Ex went to stand around the corner where they could hear, but not be seen. Meanwhile, HWSNBN actually stayed with me, even though I thought that he was the one who should probably go hide.

Officer: (pounding on the door) Police! Open this door!

Me: (whispering) Sh*t, this is crazy.

HWSNBN: (whispering back) Yeah, but I think you better hurry up and open the door before they break it down.

Me: (taking a deep breath, and then slowly opening the door) Yes?

Officer: (entering with one of his fellow officers) Does a Mrs. B reside at this address?

Me: (my mother? WHAT???) Uh, well, yes… What do you want from her?

Officer: We have information pertaining to her and some illegal activities that occurred at a bank in a nearby village at 10am this morning.

Me: (hahahaha!! WHAT????) Did someone steal the $25 bucks she had in her account?

Officer: (dead pan serious) This is not a joke, Miss. This is a police investigation.

Me: (sh*t!) Well, I’m her daughter, thanks for asking, and I realize you are trying to do your job, but I think maybe you got some misinformation.

Officer: Please, if your mother is here, we need to question her.

Me: (literally laughing out loud at this point because it was all just to freakin’ hilarious) Um, my mother robbed the bank?? I’m sorry, but that’s just nuts.

At that moment, my sister and My Ex burst out laughing and ran into the ladies room to hide. HWSNBN stayed put, but I could tell it was taking everything he had to keep it together.

Officer: (in a very stern voice) This is a serious matter!

Me: (trying to hold back the sarcasm) Exactly how did she rob the bank and how much money did she supposedly take? She’s 65 years old, 4 feet 11 inches, weighs 100 pounds and has been standing in front of her butcher block since 8am this morning. Unless she’s part Harry Houdini and part Dirty Harry, you guys are mistaken.

Officer: We are not at liberty to discuss this with you, young lady. And, what is that banging noise?

Me: That would be my mother. She’s tenderizing veal.

Officer: Excuse me? 

Me: Just a minute. I will go get her for you.

Officer: Good. 

Me: (making my way to the kitchen and yelling out…) Hey, Ma!! The police want to talk to you about the bank you robbed this morning.

Mother: (yelling back at me) What you talking about?

Me: (entering the kitchen) Ma, the police here. They say you robbed the bank this morning.

Mother: (eyes wide) EXCUSE ME? You crazy or something???

Me: (giggling) Come out here and talk to them.

Out came my mother wearing her bloody apron (literally, it was bloody from cleaning the meat). If you could have seen the faces of those polices officers... Talk about priceless.

Officer: (clearing his throat) Mrs. B?

Mother: Yes, I’m her.

Officer: Did you rob the bank this morning at 10am?

Mother: (looking at them like they were complete idiots) Excuse, me? You think I rob the bank?

Officer: Mrs. B this is serious. You car was involved in this robbery.

Mother: My car? I don’t think so. My car sit outside, no working anymore.

Officer: Did you cancel the plates on the vehicle?

Mother: My ex-husband, he do it.

Officer: I don’t think so because someone stole the plates and you should have reported this to the police.

Mother: No, someone stole the radio… this I know.

Officer: Someone also stole the plates.

Mother: Well, me, I no see it, so I don’t know this happen.

Officer: Yes, but we need to do some paper work for this and you should have that vehicle removed.

Mother: Now I have to finish my meat. You come back later for do the paperwork.

Officer: Yes, we can do that. Sorry about the mix up.

As soon as they left we all ran into the kitchen and asked my mother where she stashed the money so we could get the hell out of dodge. She laughed so much and just couldn’t believe they thought that she of all people would rob a bank!

Yup, best Saturday ever. lol

The NutriBullet

I’ve come across a little gem that I need to share with you guys. It’s called the NutriBullet. If you’ve heard of the Magic Bullet, the NutriBullet is made by the same people, but it’s much more powerful. For someone who’s never bought anything seen on an infomercial, I really love this thing. I ordered it online straight from the official site and it arrived in three days, no problems.

The infomercial makes claims about getting healthy, curing ailments, and how it will start to work in one day, but that’s marketing for you. Personally, I started noticing a difference in the way I was feeling after two weeks of using it. I’m no longer bloated all the time, my skins looks much better, and I’ve lost a little weight.

Now I’m not making any claims that the NutriBullet should be a weight loss tool or anything like that, but I love that I can just throw fruits and/or vegetables in there and not lose any of the nutrient rich fiber content. It’s wicked because it doesn’t work like a blender or juicer; it actually pulverizes what you put in it, so everything becomes liquid. I've been using it for about a month now and I'm thoroughly enjoying all of the awesome juices, smoothies and soups that you can whip up in less than five minutes.

I was thinking I might post recipes every once and a while, so stay tuned for those. If any of you happen to own a NutriBullet, I’d love to know what you’re making with it.

JB

Shitty McShitty

Like many of you out there, I start my mornings off with a coffee. Well, not today. Instead, it started with a loud knock at my door. Seeing as it was still early, I knew it could only be one person.

Mother: JB, hey, open da door, please! 

Me: (seriously, what is she doing here at this hour?) Ma, stop yelling. I’m coming.

Mother: Hurry up!! 

Me: (opening the door) What? What’s wrong?

Mother: (barging past me) My stomach hurt. I be up all night. I can’t go. I’m constipate. Oh my God, the pain! 

Me: (yeah, and what about my pain?) You mean constipated, not constipate.

Mother: (nothing, just her evil glare)

Me: (closing the door) Ma, it’s 8:30 in the morning and I haven’t even had my coffee. What do you want me to do, give you an enema?

Mother: (yelling) No, make fun of me, JB! I can’t go and I’m in pain!! 

Me: Well, I have some Metamucil. You can take that.

Mother: (angry) No, that no working! I need go buy my medicine! 

Me: (annoyed) For the love of God, okay, Shitty McShitty!! I will take you to buy your medicine, but can I pleeeeeease make myself a coffee first?

Mother: (practically poking my right eye out with her finger) Why you have to swear at me? 

Me: (oh, f**k me…) Because it is 8:30am, I just woke up and you want me to take you to buy laxatives -- that’s why!

Mother: (still pointing her finger) You don’t go mad at me! I need my medicine, okay? 

Me: (omg, kill me now) Yes, okay, Ma. I will take you to the pharmacy, but first I need a coffee and a couple Advil.

Mother: You get dress. I make you cahfee, so you go fast. 


Whatever you say, Shitty McShitty.

JB

The Journey: Starting Over

I was hanging out in the Russian’s kitchen the other day, reminiscing about what my life’s been like, and I had this moment. I came to the realization that I am a great dreamer. I think back to times in my life and I find so much awe and beauty in the memories. Sometimes they make me cry, sometimes they make me laugh out loud, and sometimes they make me long for a time I want to relive again because it was so perfectly wondrous.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, but we can’t go back. We must move forward through this journey called life. We can’t choose where the road will take us or predict what we will find along the way, but we must explore.

No doubt this has been said or written by people much wiser than me. Eddy often tells me I ramble, yet she somehow knows what I’m getting at and helps me organize my thoughts on here so you guys can make sense of it all too. Anyway, I digress.

If that "a-ha" moment wasn’t enough to get me thinking, the Russian also said something that really touched me. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m looking for a new career, so when we got on to the topic of how I’ve never really done something that was 100% for me, the Russian said:

"The reason your journey was hard is because you’ve never had a support system that truly loved you and helped you achieve what you loved and believed in. Now you have a chance to take the journey again because life gives you more then one chance and we all need to take a leap of faith when it appears. This time I will come with you because I believe in you as deeply as you believe in yourself. I know that this is the right road not just for you, but for the both of us. Stop wasting time and start making the right choices for yourself and not for others."

My love! What a wise, kind and beautiful human being! Sometimes you really do need someone to make you come to your senses and remember that people start over all the time and you can too.

So, as I embark on my new journey, I keep in mind that I can make choices along the way, but I can’t control what will happen as I go. I simply must trust and go forth. Guaranteed it won’t be easy, but that’s life. I’m just grateful I won’t have to go it alone.

JB

On the Mend

For 3 months I’ve left all of you hanging in blog oblivion without a single bit of information, but today it’s time for catch up with JB.

If you read my post OMG, I’m a Mess! – Part Four, then you might remember me telling you that I was going to need surgery. Well, after a bunch of rescheduling, I finally went under the knife and I’m feeling much better. The physiotherapy is tough, but its part of the recovery process and it’s going to be a while before my arm is 100% again, if at all. I definitely can’t go back to doing the same kind of work anymore because it’s the overuse, the repetitive motion day in and day out, that caused the problem to begin with.

Speaking of work, I’ve now been off for 5 months, which is a really long time for someone who’s always worked, but it’s made me realize that I don’t like my place of employment. It’s not that I don’t like my job (well, except the caking making part, I really don’t like it), I just don’t like the working environment. It’s just not a happy place. So, combined with the fact that I can’t do the same labour intensive work anymore, anyway -- I’m looking for a new career. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I do know that I will not continue to bust my a** for a company that doesn’t care about its employees.

You see, after everything that I’ve been through these last few months, I know that I’ve done myself a huge disservice by not taking care of myself. We work for a living, but if we’re killing ourselves to get the job done, we’re not living, we’re dying. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be doing pretty damn great when I actually reach retirement. I want to enjoy the years I have left, instead of being so broken down physically and mentally (not to mention emotionally and spiritually) that I can hardly function.

So, for anyone who understands where I’m coming from and is just as scared and totally overwhelmed as I am at the idea of making a change for the better, let’s feel the fear and do it anyway.

Who’s with me?

JB

In Pursuit of Happiness

I know its been a few weeks between posts. Eddy's been super busy and I've been super dizzy, so we are just now able to sit down together and update you guys on what happened after my visit with the clinic doctor.

Since my diagnosis went so very well (uh, not!), I thought I'd get the h*ll out of dodge. I took ten days off work and went to spend time with the Russian thinking that the change of scenery would make me feel better.

Well, three days into my splendid vacation I was sucked full force into the world of dizzy and having a h*ll of a time trying to find my way out. The Russian started pumping me full of herbal remedies straight from her grandmother's old book of family recipes. The stuff tasted like sh*t, but I think some of it actually worked a little bit. I certainly appreciated her care and attention. At least she wasn't using Google!

Anyway, seeing as the Russian was not on vacation, I spent most of those ten days off by myself and did a lot of thinking about my life. Actually, thinking is all I've been doing pretty much for months now -- thinking about where I'm at, what I'm doing, what I want, etc, etc -- and I've realized that I don't really know where I want to be or what I want to be doing. I know I hate my job, which is hard for me to even admit, but I admit it. I thought it was my manager because I just don't get along with her, but this really is a case of "it's me, not you" -- or, I guess it's me, not her.

Anyway, I think you know what I mean. Bottom line, my free time spent spinning all the livelong day has made me take a good hard look at myself, and the question that's been nagging at me is this:

How do I get to a place that makes sense for me and is actually real, versus just imagined in my mind?

My job is not going to define me, nor is what I own or the people I surround myself with. And, no matter how many excuses I come up with, the only person impeding on my growth is me. I cannot blame my mother, sister, boss, God or anyone or anything else. If I want to be happy, I need to start making choices that make me happy and not everyone else. I need to follow through on everything that I want to do, no excuses, and to take my health more seriously. This is the only way I will ever reach that place where my SELF can be fulfilled.

Are you guys feelin' me? Not literally because that would be weird, but you get where I am coming from, people?

I'd appreciate your feedback.

Over and out,

JB

Hello, hello. I'm at a place called Vertigo.

If only I were in a club having a couple of drinks and listening to blaring music. At least I could go home knowing that the way I was feeling could be cured with some Tylenol and sleep.

Anyway....

I was thinking that I should probably go back to the beginning of how I started out on the path of being diagnosed with my condition, so I'm going tell you guys about my visit to the local clinic. It's a really special story, and you know that I don't mean that in a good way.

It all started back in January, I woke up one day feeling a little dizzy, but I didn't think much of it because I'm always exhausted. When four days passed and I was still dizzy, I thought maybe I was coming down with something. Since my family doctor was away on vacation at the time, I went to the local clinic to get checked out. The clinic doctor asked me various questions and concluded that I had a head cold. Seeing as I've had head colds before, I wasn't really convinced, so I asked her why I felt so dizzy. She then told me she'd like to try a few tests.

Clinic Doctor: I'd like you to stand up and touch your finger to your nose, alternating with your left and right hand.

Me: (trying, but failing miserably) I can't.

CD: Alright, quickly turn your entire body left then right.

Me: (trying, but failing miserably... again) I can't.

CD: Okay, just turn your head quickly to the left then right.

Me: (seriously, woman!) No, I'm too dizzy.

CD: Alright, have a seat and compose yourself. I'm going to consult with another doctor. Be right back.

Me: (gee, that's reassuring...) Sure, I'll be here.

Out of the room she went. When she came back about 15 minutes later, she told me that she wanted to rule out an ear infection, and then proceeded to shine a light in my ears.

CD: Hmm...

Me: (hmm??) What do you see?

CD: (now flashing her little light in my eyes and just about blinding me with it) Well...

Me: (bloody h*ll!!!) Whoa!!

CD: (clicking off the light) Oh, I'm sorry, I should have told you it was bright.

Me: (sh*t, you think?) Uh huh...

CD: Well, it's not an ear infection. Sit tight. I'll be right back.

Me: (what? again?) Okay.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock....

CD: (reentering the room a few minutes later) Let's try another test.

Me: (oh, f**k me, no!!) What now?

CD: I'd like you to stand up with your back facing me and then fall back into my arms.

Me: (EXCUSE ME????) You want me to what??

CD: Don't worry. You'll be fine.

Me: (yeah, right, you just about blinded me a few minutes ago) No, I'm sorry, I'm too dizzy.

CD: I'll catch you. Trust me.

Me: (uh, nope) I can't do this.

CD: Please, we have to do this test.

Me: (sigh) Alright.

CD: Thank you.

Me: (turning around and 3-2-1...) OH MY GOD, I'm going to throw up!!

CD: (catching me) You really are dizzy.

Me: (no sh*t, Sherlock) Yes, that's what I've been telling you.

CD: (guiding me to a chair) Here, sit down.

Me: (nothing, just trying not to puke)

CD: Okay, I'm going to look up what I think you have.

Me: (you're going to look up what you think I have? ) Uh, sure... (wtf???)

She then proceeded to sit down at the computer in the exam room and started searching Google. This isn't really happening, I kept thinking to myself as she clicked and scrolled away while I sneaked a peek over her shoulder to see what on earth she was searching for. When I heard the printer go off a few minutes later, I sat back in the chair and waited to hear what she had to say.

CD: (getting up and handing me the printed sheets) This is probably what you have. It's called BPPV.

Me: (probably??? BPPV?? huh???) So, what do I do to make it go away?

CD: I want you to read the information, and then do the exercises on these pages a few times a day for the next week.

Me: One week? That's it?

CD: Yes, and then you should be fine.


I "probably" have BPPV, but I "should be fine" in a week?

~ sigh ~

Clearly, I was going to need another opinion.

- JB

OMG, I'm a Mess! - Part Four

I know, I know, where the h*ll have I been for 3 months??

I am so sorry, people, I didn't plan to be away so long, but I've been having some issues.

Do you guys remember my Lickity Split, Banana Slip? Well, it's coming back to haunt me, and haunt me baaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!!

For months now, I have been spinning. I am so dizzy that not even dizzy describes how dizzy I am. According to my doctors (yes, doctors, plural), the spinning is a result of my fall.

I am so f-ing mad because I can't do f**k all. I can't work because I might take another fall at any given moment. I can't go anywhere without my Mother, the EV, because I might take a fall at any given moment. I am a prisoner, pretty much, in my own home. I can't even type this post. Eddy is typing while I dictate.

I am a freakin' mess, people!!!!!!!!!

~ sigh ~

So, what is causing the spinning, exactly? It's bilateral BPPV combined with Meniere's disease. I'm so f-ed, you have no idea, people.

~ sigh ~

So, what's a girl to do? Well, I'm seeing a physiotherapist who specializes in my condition. She told me that because my condition is bilateral (i.e. in both ears), it's very complicated to treat. The damage that's been done is irreversible. All she can do is help me relieve the symptoms so that I can go about living life as normal as possible.

Yup, so that's why I've been MIB (missing in blogging) all this time. I am now going so totally stir crazy that I have to write, and, with Eddy's help, that's what I will be doing.

Oh, did I mention, I have to have surgery for yet another issue that is messing up my life? Oh,yeah, it's true, but I'll have to fill you in on that the next time. For now, I have to stop. Too dizzy to think any more.

Over and out,
JB

What Employees Want

I mentioned in my first post back from hiatus that I'm in the new manager-training program at work. What I didn't mention is that I was also elected by the staff in my store to be their new union representative. This is a volunteer position and most of what I do is conflict resolution, which means the staff complains a lot about anything and everything that has nothing to do with the contract that we all have to sign in order to work there. If they would actually take the time to read the contract before coming to me with their nonsense, they would know that I can't do anything about 99% of their complaints.

Needless to say, not only do I have to explain the collective agreement to everyone, but I also have to tell them that their claims are not justifiable or worth the embarrassment. I wonder when they approach me if they have put any thought into the request they are about to hand me. I think not!!!

Anyway, I was sent to take a course to get my steward certificate to be on the negotiation committee for our new contract that takes effect this month. Afterwards, the head union steward told me to come up with five or more important negotiation items that the employees should receive in this new contract, so I did and he approved my suggestions. We then nominated one person in every department to speak to their staff and write down some suggestions that they wanted us to consider and possibly discuss when we sit down with the company to start negotiating terms. Well, as you can probably imagine, what they asked for was nowhere near realistic.

Check out this list:

1. A couple of sofas, a TV and an Xbox in the lunchroom

Right, so you guys can find other ways not to do your jobs? Not gonna happen.

2. A window in the lunchroom

FYI, our lunch room is in the middle of the store, so unless we tunnel through to the outside, this can't happen either.

3. A bigger men's bathroom

Seriously, guys? Exactly how many of you are in there at one time? Are 2 urinals and 2 stalls really not enough??

4. Three extra 5 minute smoke breaks

WTF? They already take smoke breaks whenever they h*ll they want without clocking out, so why even bother asking for this??

5. A Tim Horton’s coffee machine so we don't have to walk across the street to buy coffee

As if we can get an actual Tim Horton's coffee machine. WTF, people? How about you guys buy some Tim's coffee and brew it in the lunch room yourselves, idiots!

6. Weekends off

Sure, the customers can serve themselves on Saturday or Sunday. Genius idea, morons!

7. Casual Friday’s... no uniforms at all

The words "at all" were underlined 10 times, so I guess this one is really important. LOL

8. A choice between hairnets and hats, or no hairnets at all would be preferable.

We work with food, people. You guys seriously think this is going to be approved?

9. More heat in the store because it's really cold

Believe it or not, I actually agree with this one, but it won't happen. Wear more layers, people!!

10. Free shoes

Never going to happen. Besides, the free uniforms they give us are crap, so can you imagine what kind of shoes we'd get if they went for this idea?

11. Store closed on Sunday

Hahaha!! In case you guys forgot, the government decided stores should be open on Sunday's, not us.


- JB

Customer of the Week: Baguette Squeezing Lady

Do you guys remember Touchy Tart Lady?

Well, some woman came by the other day who could give TTL a run for her money. At first, I had no idea this woman was even there because I was busy concentrating on the cake I was decorating, but OWC (i.e. Older Woman Co-worker) spotted her and was quick to bring her to my attention.


OWC: (tugging like crazy on my uniform) JB! JB!

Me: (trying to shrug her off) What?! Would you stop pulling at me!

OWC: (still tugging at my uniform) Look at that woman over there!!

Me: (with what, the eyes in the back of my head?) OK, but please let go of me so I can turn around to see what you're talking about.

OL: (letting me go) LOOK AT HER!!!

Me: (a little direction would help) Where is she?

OWC: (pointing) There, at the bread wall.

Me: (turning my head to look) OMG, is squeezing the baguettes?!

OWC: Yes!! I’m going to yell at her.

Me: (grabbing her arm) No, calm down. You can’t just walk over there and start yelling at her.

OWC: But look at what she is doing to them!!

Me: (releasing her arm) I know, but yelling plus fingering pointing equals a trip to the office and a write up.

OWC: Well, I can’t just stand here and watch her ruin all the baguettes.

Then, before I could grab her arm again, OWC took off like a jackrabbit with its hind legs blazing. Naturally, that was my cue to go after her before she started in on Baguette Squeezing Lady and caused a big scene. OWC might be older than the rest of us, but when she sees someone doing something wrong she kind of loses it.

OWC: (making her way to BSL seconds before me) Mam, what on earth are you doing?

Me: (arriving just in time to interject) Hello, Mam. Can I hel...

OWC: (cutting me off) It's OK, JB, I can handle this.

Me: (that's what you think) OWC, can you please go back to watch the counter while I help this woman.

BSL: (looking at both of us, totally confused) Oh, no, I'm fine. I don't need any help.

OWC: Why are you squeezing all of the baguettes?

Me: (turning towards OWC, eyebrows raised) OWC, I really need you to go back to the cake counter, please.

OWC: (turning on her heel and walking away) Humph!

Me: (looking back at BSL) Sorry about that Mam, but you have been standing here for the past few minutes touching ever single baguette that we have, so that is why we came over her to see if you need help.

BSL: (acting like she wasn't doing anything wrong) So?

Me: (uh, seriously?) Mam, you have crushed the ends of almost all of them. How are we supposed to sell these now?

BSL: (getting worked up) Well, I’m a customer and I can squeeze however many I want until I find one I like!

Me: (what a frickin' nut job!) Mam, if you touch another baguette, I will be forced to call management.

BSL: (reaching for another baguette, with a smug look on her face) Is that so?

Me: (die!!!!) Mam...

BSL: (nothing, just squeezing the baguette she just grabbed)

Clearly, I wasn't going to get any where with BSL, so I made my way back to the cake counter where OWC was looking at me with eyes on the verge of falling right out of her head.

Me: Can you call the director, please? (if anyone could put BSL in her place, it was going to be him)

OWC: (nothing, just a mad dash for the phone)

A few minutes later I see the Director coming towards me, so I start walking back over to BSL (who's still squeezing baguettes) to meet up with him there.

Director: (approaching me and BSL) Is something wrong?

Me: Sir, this women insists she is within her rights to squeeze the baguettes until she finds one she likes.

Director: (looking BSL square in the eyes) Madame, do you intend to buy a baguette today?

BSL: (tilting her head to one side) Maybe?

Director: Well, Madame, in my store, if you touch it, you buy it. So, I suggest you take one now and be on your way, or find a store that will actually let you feel up all the baguettes you want.

Me: (OMG, did he just say that??!! "feel up"??!!)

BSL: (nothing, just glaring at the Director)

Director: (glaring right back at BSL) Are we clear, Madame, or shall I place all of the damaged baguettes in your cart and take you to the closest register to pay for them?

BSL: (hands on hips) I am a customer!!!

Director: (mimicking, i.e. hands on hips) My store, my rules, Madame.

BSL: (spinning her cart around to leave) I will never shop here again!!

Director: (relaxing his stance & smiling) Excellent! Good day, Madame.

BSL: (nothing, just furiously pushing her cart away from us)

Yes, good day, indeed, you baguette squeezing biatch!!

- JB

Letters To My Bakery Customers - Part 3

I was looking through some of my older posts and I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I wrote Letters To My Bakery Customers - Part 2. With the number of wackadoodles that show up at my counter, how can that be? Well, today I'm going to share a few letters that I've had in mind since last month. I was too busy to write them over the holidays, but I'm good to go now. :)

Dear Snowman Cake Guy,

Did you slip on a patch of ice and bump your head since we last saw you? Let me remind you then that the Snowman cake we made for you was based on the one that you saw in our display case. You said, "I want a Snowman cake that looks exactly like that one," and you pointed right at it, poking at the glass with your stubby index finger. Well, we made you a Snowman cake that looks "exactly" like the one that you saw, so what's this bullsh*t about the colours being "all wrong" and the snowman "too fat"? Seriously, dude, a snowman that's "too fat"? WTF? Go get your eyes checked and your head examined, and then buy or rent a copy of Frosty the Snowman on DVD so you can watch it and see what a snowman is supposed to look like, duma**!

Peace,
JB

Dear Date Squares Lady,

I think that you might also need to have your head examined because you can't seem to get it through your thick skull that we do not have, or have ever had, date squares for sale in our store. Seriously, how many bloody times must one of us personally escort you to the table out front to prove to you that there are no packages of date squares? I mean, for the love of God, it's like f-ing Groundhog Day every time you show up!! No wonder my employees run and hide when they see you coming. Unfortunately, I must lead by example, so I can't do the same, even though I want to, believe me. So, in case I'm not making myself clear, we don't give a rats a** if you supposedly saw date squares on that table before. Either go find yourself a bakery that gives a crap, or buy yourself some dates and make your own damn squares!

Peace,
JB

Dear Hot Bread Lady,

Guess what? You made my list of Stupid Customer Questions. Yup, that's right, I said STUPID!! I tried to be nice and explain that the only way you're going to get hot bread is if you are here when we pull it out of the oven, but you just don't get it, do you? Want to know why? BECAUSE YOUR STUPID!!!!! You're stupid and I am done with you --- done, done done!! I'm so done, I want to come to your house while you're sleeping and stab you with hot bread. Of course, any intelligent person would know that the bread would no longer be hot by the time I got there. You're probably sighing with relief right now, but that's only because you haven't realized that I can always heat the bread back up in your oven and then stab you with it. I bet you didn't think of that now did you, STUPID??!!

Peace,
JB

Will You Follow Me - iPod Shuffle Says...

Some time last year I came across this music meme that I thought would be fun to try out, but I ended up going on hiatus before I ever got around to it, so the meme was saved as a draft for me to work on later.


Well, now is definitely later, so let me first tell you guys how this meme works, and then I'll share my answers.


Rules:

1. Put your iPod, MP3 player, or whatever you listen to on shuffle
2. For each question, hit the next button to get your answer
3. You must write that song down, no matter how silly it sounds

Alright, now here's what happened when I sat down earlier this morning and pressed play...

1. If someone asks you "Are you okay?," you say:
"Mother's of the Disappeared" - U2
~ Hmm, not to make light of what this song is about, but there are days when I feel like I've been abducted by aliens.

2. How would you describe yourself?
"VCR" - The xx
~ I know myself, I'm comfortable with myself, I like to replay things over in my mind... um, okay, sure...

3. What do you like in a guy or girl?
"Little Feeling" - Leona Cassanova
~ More like little talking... (wink wink)

4. How do you feel today?
"Breathless" - Cat Power
~ I couldn't have said it any better myself.

5. What is your life's purpose?
"Be Here Now" - Ray Lamontagne
~ Whoa, that is so bang on.

6. What's your motto?
"Hand Covers Bruise" - Trent Rezner
~ Uh, nope... iPod shuffle fail.

7. What do your friends think of you?
"Who Will Comfort Me" - Melody Gardot
~ Hmm, maybe for a while after the whole HWSNBN and my Ex saga, but surely not now.

8. What do your parents think of you?
"Comme Une Fille" - Holden
~ Translation: Like a girl. OK, that is too weird. I guess I will always be their little girl.

9. What do you think of often?
"There's Only Me" - Rob Dougan
~ Uh, yeah!! lol OK, seriously, I'm not that self-centered.

10. What is 2 + 2?
"Hate" - Jay-Z, ft. Kanye West
~ So, 2-2 is love? I dunno...

11. What do you think of your best friend?
"Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson" - Robert Plant
~ Oh, Amen, Praise the Lord, Hallelujah! (you'd have to know the story behind this to fully understand)

12. What is your life story?
"Stand Up Comedy" - U2
~ Oh, iPod, you so funny. lol

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Imagination Limitation" - Henrick Shawarz
~ Uh, translation, please. No, seriously. I think the song is in Swedish.

14. What do you think when you see the person you like?
"Worried Man" - Paolo Nutini
~ Oops, another iPod shuffle fail.

15. What will you dance to on your wedding's 4th anniversary?
"Blue Light" - Mazzy Star
~ Um, a little depressing for an anniversary.

16. What will they play at your funeral?
"A Call From the Vatican" - Penelope Cruz (Nine Soundtrack)
~ "Coochie coochie coochie coo..." Uh, I don't think so!!

17. What is your hobby or interest?
"Future Markets" - Jonny Greenwood
~ Yeah, I'm secretly preparing for when I finally leave the food industry behind to start working on Wall Street... NOT!

18. What is your biggest fear?
"L'Assassinat de Carala" - Miles Davis
~ Uh, more like my own assassination by one of my crazy customers!

19. What is your biggest secret?
"American Dreaming" - Dead Can Dance
~ OK, how did my iPod know I want to move to California?

20. What do you want right now?
"Distance and Time" - Alicia Keys
~ Oh, yes, please!!

21. What do you think of your friends?
"For Your Own Benefit" - Philip Glass
~ EW!! I think not! (this song is about satisfying needs, if you know what I mean)

22. When you're rushing to the toilet, what do you think?
"Never Change" - Jay-Z
~ More like gotta pee, gotta pee!

23. The person you hate the most is standing in front of you. What do you tell them?
"I Get Along Without You Very Well" - Chet Baker
~ Oh, h*ll, yeah!! iPod shuffle success!

24. You just won the lottery. What do you sing?
"The Money Train" - Nick Cave
~ Double h*ll, yeah! Woooo woooo!!

25. What will you post this meme as?
"Will You Follow Me" - Rob Dougan
~ Haha, yes! New blog followers are always welcome. :)

Stupid Customer Questions

Happy 2012, everybody!!

Did any of you make New Year's resolutions? I think most people do, but it's sticking to them that's the tricky part. We start out with good intentions, then life happens, and suddenly we're back into the same old routine again. Oh, well... :)

So, in my last post I mentioned that I was going to put together a list of stupid questions that customers dared to ask me during the holidays. There were a whole bunch of them, but I'm only going to list ten and ask that you promise never to ask your local Bakery clerk these questions, ever.


1. Do you sell bread?

~ Are you f-ing making fun of me? This is the Bakery department. WTF do you think we sell, soap??!!

2. Did you bake today?

~ Again, are you f-ing making fun of me??!!

3. Do you have a cake counter?

~ Considering that you are standing right in front of it, yes, moron!!!

4. Is your fresh bread hot?

~ Yes, somehow it stays nice and hot all day long. Uh, no, stupid!!

5. Will you be baking hot bread on Christmas Day?

~ Oh, yes, just for you. NOT!!!!! We will be eating Christmas dinner with our families while you stand outside like the stupid idiot that you are waiting for God knows what!!

6. Do you slice baguettes?

~ FOR THE MILLIONTH BLOODY TIME, NOOOOOOO!!!! BUY A KNIFE, DAMN IT!!!

7. What time do you open on New Years Day?

~ OMG, seriously?? HAHAHAHA??? WTF is wrong with you??!!!

8. Can I have 200 grams of ham?

~ Sure, and would you like a cheesecake to go with that?? Wrong department, dumba**!!

9. Do you sell wedding cakes?

~ Look, I know Christmas time is stressful, but you really need to stop sniffing pine scented Glade so you can think straight. I mean, for the love of God, does it look like we make wedding cakes??

10. Where can I find sliced bread?

~ Really?? Seriously, really?? LenseCrafters, idiot!! GET SOME GLASSES!!


- JB