Monday, December 20, 2010


As most of you know, I don't just have crazy customers showing up at my counter on a daily basis, I also have crazy employees I have to deal with. Well, these people aren't all crazy, but they sure are special, and I obviously do not mean that in a good way. Anyway, what I am about to share with you is one of the more bizarre conversations that I've ever had with a couple of my employees. The whole thing came about because a girl who works with me gets a lot of bladder infections. Now, if you're a woman, then you've probably had at least one bladder infection in your life. (If you're a guy reading this and want to go read something else right now, I totally understand.) Well, I swear this girl has one a month, and I'm so damn tired of hearing her complain about how much her vah-jay-jay hurts. She's twenty something, likes to party and have random sex with guys. It's none of my business what she does on her own time, but her calling in sick all the time, or having to leave work early because she's in pain, means that I have to cover her shift 9 times out of 10. So, when Party Girl recently asked to go home because of yet another bladder infection, I told her that she would just have to suck it up, but then an older woman co-worker said something, and the conversation took a turn that was totally unexpected.

Party Girl: I really have to go home, JB. I'm in major pain.

Me: (you're a major pain...) H*ll, no! Too bad this time. Stop getting plastered every other day and doing the deed with God knows who. Go get some cranberry juice and suffer through it.

Older Woman Co-Worker: Come on now, JB, don't be so hard on her.

PG: Yeah, JB, it really hurts.

Me: (glaring at PG, and then turning to speak to OWC) Why not? She does it to herself and we are busy here. I can't do everything myself, you know.

OWC: But, JB, her meat hurts.

PG: (practically screeching) MY WHAT????

Me: (OMG, WTF??????) Excuse me, what did you say?

OWC: I said her meat hurts.

PG: What????

Me: (holy crap, I did hear right) Her meat???

OWC: Yes, I don't like saying the word.

Me: What word?

OWC: You know...

Me: (maybe...) Come on, tell me.

OWC: V... v... you know...

Me: (omg, seriously??) Are you telling me that you refer to a woman's vagina as her meat??

OWC: (practically cringing... the poor God fearing woman) Yes, meat. I... I don't say the "v" word. My mother told me when I was young that it was a bad word.

PG: (nothing, just a wide eyed look over at me)

Me: (trying not to laugh) OK, explain to me why you call it meat.

OWC: Well, if she (referring to PG) would stop washing her meat in hot water, she would get less infections. Hot water is not good for the meat.

PG: (flabbergasted) Excuse me??

Me: (OMG, is this old woman for real??) You don't honestly believe that, do you?

OWC: (pointing to the left) Look over there, JB.

Me: (the only thing over there is... OMG...) You mean at the meat counter?

OWC: Yes, exactly.

Me: (O... K...) Now what??

OWC: Well, you see the meat over there?

Me: (where the h*ll is she going with this??) Yes...

OWC: Well, the guys over there wash it all in cold water and that's why it's clean.

Me & PG: (nothing, just a quick look between us, eyes bugging out our heads)

OWC: Cold water stops infections, but hot water makes them spread.

(Note: Just so we're clear, I have no frickin' clue where OWC got that idea that the meat department guys wash the meat to keep it clean. Meat is for sale as long as it's fresh. If it doesn't sell, it gets thrown out... not washed.)

Me: (it's too crazy... I have no words... just laughter)

OWC: (very serious) I mean it, JB! My mother always washed my meat in cold water.

Me: (TMI... TMI!!!) I... oh... my... hmmm...

PG: (speaking to OWC) I don't know what the h*ll you're going on about, but my meat, as you call it, hurts because I have sex a lot. You know, sex??

Me: (OMG, she did not just say that!!!!) Uh, PG, that's not...

PG: (interrupting me) You remember, sex, don't you? So, that's why my meat hurts, OK? Not because I wash it with hot water.

Me: (oh, h*ll...) Alright, PG, enough.

OWC: (practically in tears) You... you young people.. you don't know anything... you don't... I am going on my break!!

Me: (ah, sh*t...) Wait...

OWC: (practically running out of the bakery) No, I'm going!

PG: Do you really think she washes her vah-jay-jay with cold water, JB?

Me: (turning to look at PG) Enough! Enough, or I'll end up having nightmares about that old woman and her meat.

PG: I'm in soooo much pain, JB.

And I will never be able to look at meat the same way ever again.



  1. JB...

    You should change your "guy's disclaimer" to read, "...must continue reading under penalty of death".

    For any guy who had had to learn the lessons of feminine care the hard way (emergency runs to the drug store for Midol or just the exact, right female absorbency product)... or working in Retail Management, knowing what shifts to double-cover based on the employee absences (i.e. "monthly cramps") calendar... or for that matter, any guy who HASN'T... this should be mandatory reading over morning coffee.

  2. Yeah there are just some things you don't want to know about your co-workers!

  3. wow..lucky i was not there for that many things in my head! lol

  4. Holy Hell! I don't know how you do it with a straight face.

  5. OMG!!!!

    Take me to work with you my love... my days will sure be better! :)

    Stoping by to send you the merriest Xmas and the best energies so that 2011 is even better!

    With loads of love for you and yours,

  6. Bill....yes you are right but the meat in my department is nutty meat. Merry Christmas and thanks for stopping in.

    Julie....yes that was to much info for all of us...merry xmas.

    Corey....all I think of now everytime my meat hurts is steak..lolol merry xmas.

  7. Miss Stef...merry christmas love and I work with some rally special people who keep my days full of lolol.

    Travel...i don't know how I didn't piss in my pants cause she was so serious about her cold meat. Merry christmas love.

    Izzie...thank you love merry chrsitmas to you and may your year be full of love happiness and joy.

  8. You have way better conversations at your workplace than I have at mine. Someone stole a stapler once, that's about as crazy as it gets.

  9. @monkey....i wish someone would staple my co-workers mouth shut sometimes but then again what would I write about. Thanks for stopping in and happy holidays.


  10. JB, I laughed ... LOUD ... RAUCOUSLY ... for several minutes. I declare this your best post ever!!! Glad you are blogging again. Your note a few weeks ago meant a lot to me (even though I didn't respond). I'm back to blogging again, too.

  11. Anita.....thanks for the drop. Great your blogging again. The meat is funny and the old lady I work with gets the credit for her meat not me. Hope you had a great holiday season and keep writing ok..



Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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