Hello, hello. I'm at a place called Vertigo.

If only I were in a club having a couple of drinks and listening to blaring music. At least I could go home knowing that the way I was feeling could be cured with some Tylenol and sleep.

Anyway....

I was thinking that I should probably go back to the beginning of how I started out on the path of being diagnosed with my condition, so I'm going tell you guys about my visit to the local clinic. It's a really special story, and you know that I don't mean that in a good way.

It all started back in January, I woke up one day feeling a little dizzy, but I didn't think much of it because I'm always exhausted. When four days passed and I was still dizzy, I thought maybe I was coming down with something. Since my family doctor was away on vacation at the time, I went to the local clinic to get checked out. The clinic doctor asked me various questions and concluded that I had a head cold. Seeing as I've had head colds before, I wasn't really convinced, so I asked her why I felt so dizzy. She then told me she'd like to try a few tests.

Clinic Doctor: I'd like you to stand up and touch your finger to your nose, alternating with your left and right hand.

Me: (trying, but failing miserably) I can't.

CD: Alright, quickly turn your entire body left then right.

Me: (trying, but failing miserably... again) I can't.

CD: Okay, just turn your head quickly to the left then right.

Me: (seriously, woman!) No, I'm too dizzy.

CD: Alright, have a seat and compose yourself. I'm going to consult with another doctor. Be right back.

Me: (gee, that's reassuring...) Sure, I'll be here.

Out of the room she went. When she came back about 15 minutes later, she told me that she wanted to rule out an ear infection, and then proceeded to shine a light in my ears.

CD: Hmm...

Me: (hmm??) What do you see?

CD: (now flashing her little light in my eyes and just about blinding me with it) Well...

Me: (bloody h*ll!!!) Whoa!!

CD: (clicking off the light) Oh, I'm sorry, I should have told you it was bright.

Me: (sh*t, you think?) Uh huh...

CD: Well, it's not an ear infection. Sit tight. I'll be right back.

Me: (what? again?) Okay.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock....

CD: (reentering the room a few minutes later) Let's try another test.

Me: (oh, f**k me, no!!) What now?

CD: I'd like you to stand up with your back facing me and then fall back into my arms.

Me: (EXCUSE ME????) You want me to what??

CD: Don't worry. You'll be fine.

Me: (yeah, right, you just about blinded me a few minutes ago) No, I'm sorry, I'm too dizzy.

CD: I'll catch you. Trust me.

Me: (uh, nope) I can't do this.

CD: Please, we have to do this test.

Me: (sigh) Alright.

CD: Thank you.

Me: (turning around and 3-2-1...) OH MY GOD, I'm going to throw up!!

CD: (catching me) You really are dizzy.

Me: (no sh*t, Sherlock) Yes, that's what I've been telling you.

CD: (guiding me to a chair) Here, sit down.

Me: (nothing, just trying not to puke)

CD: Okay, I'm going to look up what I think you have.

Me: (you're going to look up what you think I have? ) Uh, sure... (wtf???)

She then proceeded to sit down at the computer in the exam room and started searching Google. This isn't really happening, I kept thinking to myself as she clicked and scrolled away while I sneaked a peek over her shoulder to see what on earth she was searching for. When I heard the printer go off a few minutes later, I sat back in the chair and waited to hear what she had to say.

CD: (getting up and handing me the printed sheets) This is probably what you have. It's called BPPV.

Me: (probably??? BPPV?? huh???) So, what do I do to make it go away?

CD: I want you to read the information, and then do the exercises on these pages a few times a day for the next week.

Me: One week? That's it?

CD: Yes, and then you should be fine.


I "probably" have BPPV, but I "should be fine" in a week?

~ sigh ~

Clearly, I was going to need another opinion.

- JB