I know its been a few weeks between posts. Eddy's been super busy and I've been super dizzy, so we are just now able to sit down together and update you guys on what happened after my visit with the clinic doctor.Since my diagnosis went so very well (uh, not!), I thought I'd get the h*ll out of dodge. I took ten days off work and went to spend time with the Russian thinking that the change of scenery would make me feel better.
Well, three days into my splendid vacation I was sucked full force into the world of dizzy and having a h*ll of a time trying to find my way out. The Russian started pumping me full of herbal remedies straight from her grandmother's old book of family recipes. The stuff tasted like sh*t, but I think some of it actually worked a little bit. I certainly appreciated her care and attention. At least she wasn't using Google!
Anyway, seeing as the Russian was not on vacation, I spent most of those ten days off by myself and did a lot of thinking about my life. Actually, thinking is all I've been doing pretty much for months now -- thinking about where I'm at, what I'm doing, what I want, etc, etc -- and I've realized that I don't really know where I want to be or what I want to be doing. I know I hate my job, which is hard for me to even admit, but I admit it. I thought it was my manager because I just don't get along with her, but this really is a case of "it's me, not you" -- or, I guess it's me, not her.
Anyway, I think you know what I mean. Bottom line, my free time spent spinning all the livelong day has made me take a good hard look at myself, and the question that's been nagging at me is this:
How do I get to a place that makes sense for me and is actually real, versus just imagined in my mind?
My job is not going to define me, nor is what I own or the people I surround myself with. And, no matter how many excuses I come up with, the only person impeding on my growth is me. I cannot blame my mother, sister, boss, God or anyone or anything else. If I want to be happy, I need to start making choices that make me happy and not everyone else. I need to follow through on everything that I want to do, no excuses, and to take my health more seriously. This is the only way I will ever reach that place where my SELF can be fulfilled.
Are you guys feelin' me? Not literally because that would be weird, but you get where I am coming from, people?
I'd appreciate your feedback.
Over and out,
JB
Hey JB, I'm totally feeling where you are at. Sometimes it takes time (when you're lying flat on your back) to come to these types of realizations. Life is too short to be miserable, so I hope when the dizzys stop, you can prioritize what will make you happy and go for it. That's why I've put my 5 year plan into action - I'm tired of being stuck doing shit that makes me miserable. I'm rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteHey Travel, thanks for the kind words means a lot. I like your five year plan its a good idea and a great way to start. I've come to realization that we have this one great life to lead so go out there and lead. If you don't like something change it. I'm rooting for you.
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JB
Oh, honey, I TOTALLY get you! I had a week off from work and it really put into perspective how toxic of an environment it is. I'm working on some projects that I'm hoping will "free" me but I need to remain calm and know it will take some time. The first step is the hardest. Make some goals but don't be unrealistic or you'll just end up feeling defeated. Baby steps. xoxo
ReplyDelete@Chrissy yes yes yes....baby steps for sure. I realized over the last few months that my job killed my spirit. I feel sick but I also feel really good about the new goals that I've set. You keep working at it Chrissy and stay away from the toxic shit because it will melt your soul like it almost did mine. I have a lot to do but I am so happy to do it no matter how f**king hard it is....lolol.
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JB
i love your blog, to express your views, this is the correct way.
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