I Dream of Deli

I don't know about you guys, but I've been having some major a** kicking weeks at work ever since the weather has warmed up. People keep coming in droves like we're the only deli in the city. I'm soooooooo freakin' tired, I want to cry. Wahhhhhh!! Seriously, I almost fell asleep driving home from my mom's the other night. I had gone to have dinner with her after work & could barely keep my eyes open driving back to my place. When I finally did get in the door, I went straight to bed (screw showering, I thought to myself, it could wait until morning), and pretty much passed out the second my head hit the pillow.

Now, ideally, sleeping straight though to the next morning would have been awesome, but my mind just had to make its usual detour through dreamland where anything bizarre can, and usually does, happen to me. The good news is that that there were no bunnies in sight this time around. Whew! Not so good, however, was the fact that I... umm (if you guys don't already think I'm nuts, you're all going to think that I'm totally crazy now) ...was lying totally naked inside the deli counter that I so beautifully organized earlier that day. Yup, I had my head leaning up against a block of mock chicken & a variety of other meats were strategically placed on or around certain parts of my body. Go ahead and consult your imaginations for visuals, I'll wait.

********** Done? OK, good. Hope you enjoyed yourselves. **********

So, there I was... naked... and the deli was packed with people ordering cold cuts like they were going out of style. Every time one of the clerks would slide open the counter doors, I would hand them whatever meats they needed. At one point, Lucky (one of my co-workers) opened the doors to ask if I was cold. You'd think I'd be freezing my a** (among other things) off, but I actually told him that I was fine. So, he quietly slid the doors shut and went back to slicing meat as though what I was doing was totally normal. The customers & I weren't phased either. They just smiled & waved at me as they waited to be served, and I just smiled & waved back like it was all in a days work.

The dream went on like that for quite some time & all was well. Nobody cared that I was lying naked as a newborn inside the deli counter. Nope, nobody, including me. Well, at least until I did. All I can say is that I started feeling really uncomfortable, but I didn't know why. I looked around and nothing appeared to be wrong. Everyone was still smiling & happy as far as I could see, but I just kept feeling like something wasn't right. All of a sudden, my mind presented me with a vision & it wasn't pretty. What I saw was She-Man approaching the deli counter (cue scary Jaws music), and I knew I had to get the h*ll out of there before she/he showed up, stripped off her/his clothes, and jumped in with me. It was in that moment of total panic that I woke up, and thank God for that because I don't think that I could ever erase the sight of She-Man naked from my mind. No, that is one picture that I never ever want to have burned into my memory, thank you very much.

JB