This week was my first week back on my feet at the deli since my banana slip. I’m still pretty sore, but the dizziness has subsided for the most part. As long as I don’t make any sudden movements, I’m alright. I'll tell you who isn't alright though. It's a woman who came in and asked me a question that left me, well, stunned.
Me: Hi there, what can I get you today?
Woman: What’s the least fake meat that you have?
Me: (like I said, stunned) Ah… nothing really.
Woman: What do you mean nothing?
Me: Nothing means nothing.
Woman: Surely, there has to be something?
Woman: Not all this stuff is bad.
Me: (it’s processed meat, lady) Some are better than others, but…
Woman: I need some meats for school lunches for my kids.
Me: Well, I would choose something from the more expensive meats (pointing them out for her). They cost a bit more, but are less processed, which means they have less nitrates & sodium.
Woman: Those are too expensive.
Me: (but you sure can afford that Louie Vuitton handbag you got hanging off your shoulder & the Burberry scarf around your neck) If it’s least fake meat that you’re after, this is it.
Woman: Hmm… this is more complicated then I thought.
Me: (just watching her survey the meats and thinking to myself, why, because if you spend too much on lunch meat, you can’t by a pair of new shoes today?)
Then, after a minute or so…
Me: (glancing at the line of customers waiting to be served) Mam, have you decided?
Me: (finally) OK, what will it be?
Woman: I'll take 200 grams of chicken salami, 300 grams of mock chicken, and 200 grams of maple leaf bologna.
Me: Alright, I’ll get that ready to go for you.
Off I went to the slicer, thinking what the h*ll is wrong with some people? I mean, if she can afford designer fashion, surely she can afford to buy healthier food for her children. Seriously, for someone who wanted our least fake meat, she couldn't have picked something more fake than mock chicken. It’s "mock" chicken.
Me: (handing over her packages) There you go.
Woman: Thanks for all your help (what help? the help you ignored?) & sorry for keeping you. I see you've gotten busy.
Me: Oh, no worries. (just go already… go buy whatever it is that’s more important than what you feed your children)
Man, my head hurts...