Monday, May 4, 2009

Get A Room!

The other day, I was over at Rob's blog reading his post about a couple caught having sex in a dumpster, and it reminded me of a similar story involving my mother. Get your heads out of the gutter, people. My mother is not a dumpster diver (at least as far as I know), but... Well, let me start at the beginning.

One night at the restaurant (FYI - if you're new here, my family used to be in the restaurant biz), this couple came in and we knew right away that they were the touchy-feely kind. This meant that they would be there all night because they'd be far too busy pawing at each to concentrate on anything else. How they managed to get through dinner without sitting on each others laps is still beyond me. Seriously, they were two bj's short of a porno & we thought they would never leave. Anyway... after four hours of petting, stroking, tonguing, and God knows what else (it's not like we could see under the table with the tablecloth draped over it), they finally asked for the bill & paid. Other than my mother who was going to do some prep work before calling it a night, the rest of us were ready to go home, so we headed out thinking that the lovers would soon follow suit. Well, the next day my sister and I arrived at work to find out that we were mistaken.

Mother: I have something to tell you.

My sister and I looked at each other with our 'Uh oh, we're in sh*t for something' faces and prepared for the worst.

Mother: You know the lovers that were here last night?

Me: Yeah.

Mother: Well, those lovers were really in love after you guys went home.

Me: (looking at my sister wide-eyed, then back at my mother) O... K...

Mother: I go to the door with them when they leave. I say thank you, good night, see you soon, and then I lock up.

Sister: OK.

Mother: Then, I go back in the kitchen to do my prep work.

Me: Yeah...

Mother: Before I finish, I think I need to go take out the garbage because you guys forgot.

Me: OK, and then what?

Mother: Oh, the lovers, they in love very much. Too much for me to handle.

Sister: Ma, you're killing me. Come on.

Mother: So, I go outside with the garbage, pulling the can because it's too heavy for me to carry. I making a lot of noise too. You think someone would hear me.

Me: And???

Mother: I see beside the garbage (she means the dumpster) that someone left their car. Maybe they take a taxi home, you know.

Sister: AND???!!!!!!!

Mother: I see white.

Me: White what??

Mother: I see a naked culo (that's slang for 'ass' for all of you who don't know Italian).

Sister: WHAT?

Mother: And then I see another one.

Me: WHAT??

Mother: They having sex beside the garbage.

Sister: WHAT???!!!!!!!!

Me: On the ground????

Mother: Yes, and I ask them what's a matter with them and why they do this outside.

Me: OMG!

Mother: And I ask them why they don't go in the car if they don't go home. They say they very sorry and that they going to leave. I tell them they better go because I call the police.

Sister: Holy sh*t , ma!

Mother: I no understand these people. What happened to the bed... the old fashioned way?

Me: (taking the opportunity to tease her) Oh, ma, you're so old school. Did you and Daddy make me in the bed?

Mother: (totally serious) That's not your business!

Me: So, did you see it (don't make me spell out what it is, people)?

Sister: (grinning) Yeah, ma, did you?

Me: (watching my mother blush & turn away from us towards the stove) You did! OMG, you did!!!

Mother: OK, enough, go back to work.

Sister: (laughing & teasing) No, not until you tell us if you saw it or not.

Mother: No, that's enough, I say. Get to work.

All day long we teased her. LOL The poor woman. Seriously, though, what the h*ll is wrong with some people? Sex in a dumpster... beside a dumpster? For the love of God, folks, get a room!!!! If you can't get one, beg, steal or borrow one, please!!!



  1. Great post. The ultimate in self-indulgence. It's as if these folks think we are all enthralled with their "stuff". Unfortunately, sometimes we are.
    I will be back again.


  2. well, that's being in the moment i suppose... you are a great storyteller!

  3. Lol, it's a great story. Poor Mum! A lot of people like the thrill of being caught, a slight perversion I think.

  4. I love your stories. There are literally one of my highlights of the day.

    Never understood public Sex. Sex is private.

  5. Doing it in or near a dumpster is what you call really dirty sex. =(

  6. Minchia!

    Poor Ma'! Carry out the trash only to get double-mooned! Triple, unless the sky was clouded and it was new moon!

    And oh! I see Marty beat me to the dirty sex comment. :S

  7. Hahaha!! That is too funny, jb. Your poor mother.

    I'd hate to think what mine would do if she had come across such a sight. She'd probably grab them by the ears (or some other prodtruding body part) and throw them onto the sidewalk. It also wouldn't be beyond her to chase them away with a hose if one were handy.


    - R

  8. AHHHH! this made me laugh so hard...loveeeed it.

  9. Aaaaahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Oh honey, future wife, Canadian-Italian love munchkin....

    "post about a couple caught having sex in a dumpster, and it reminded me of a similar story involving my mother."

    Only you! And the rest was as much of a giggle too! Never leave me honey, I'm addicted to you.


  10. I guess dumpsters are a new turn on... maybe? LOOOOL
    And we're just missing the point there, right? ;)

    Love you girl!


  11. Tell your mother that I am terribly sorry, I didn't mean to traumatize her. But when Angelina Jolie asked me to dinner that time, and then couldn't keep her hands off of me all night, well, what's a guy to do?

    My apologies, I had no idea we were being watched.

  12. I'm a dumpster diver. Is that gross?


    No dumpster sex, that I can recall. Hood of a car, check. Garage floor, check. Bathroom stall, check. Pool table, check. Pasture surrounded by semi-curious cows, check.


  13. A dumpster diver, ha ha ha. You have a great way with words and are a fabulous story teller. Your Mom seems too cute for words!! Ha ha ha dirty sex alright!

  14. You have obviously never lived in a backpackers have you!

    Though I'm not sure about the floor beside a filthy dumpster when you have a perfectly comfortable backseat.

    Sorry for being a bad friend and not adding you too my follower.. Doing it now so i don't get behind again. :)

  15. That was YOUR restaurant? Oh I am so embarrassed. LOL Just Kidding. No, seriously, it wasn't me. Thanks for making me laugh this morning with your story.

  16. Do you know the difference between Burger King and Dumpster???

    Wanna go get a whopper! :0- lol

    this is wunnerful wunnerful!

  17. that's a funny story. the first thing I think of is this couple was on Ecstasy for sure. Either that or they just meet each other and they were wrecked at a party. No real couple wants to get together that bad to get it on next to a dumpster!

  18. I would think the car could have sufficed! Your poor mother then being harassed by you two!

    Boy. your stories, are gonna make me a lot more careful to kiss in a restaurant in case some one is watching.

    Love your "so did you make me on the bed?" comment, btw.

  19. that's none of your business!

    hahaha your mom sounds cute :)

    you have the best stories!!

  20. Whoah! Well, eh hem...hmmm.



  21. Im not against people having sex outside. Whatever floats your boat... But getting naked and doing it at a disease ridden dumpster is just ridiculous lol.

  22. hahaha, the mom teasing is hilarious!
    Happy early mother's day

  23. Expat: you bet it is expat but can they do it at home and not in my parking lot.

    Shadow: moment yes but a car or a room better.

    Libertine: being caught shoplifting maybe but naked beside a dumpster well that is weird.

    Miss Stef: meee tooo I'm confused bedroom ahhhhh...not dumpster.

    Marty: mmmmm...dirty dirty sex but why bring my mum into it hahaha.

    Jerry: Minchia! I know that's what I kept asking
    my mum about all day, "did you see it Minchia! good one jerry.

    Roberto: like marty said dirty sex Minchia! hahhahaha

    Amanda: always happy to make yu laugh..Minchia! love.

  24. Anna: Happy to make your day but do tell us about your mum I'm all yours Minchia! and all. Lots of love miss easy peasey!!!!lololol.

    Izzie: I hope not love because I don't think I could do it in or around a dumpster. Thanks for stopping in on me, love ya.

    Chris: Minchia! Minchia! My mum will be very upset when I tell her it was your white cullo that she saw...lolol

    Alana: I've had sex in some strange places that where a little more classey then a dumpster...dirty sex for sure. Thanks for coming by love.

    Lilly: thanks for always coming by. I know dumpster diver my mumis so funny I told her about the story. She laughed and said you didn't tell everyone about did you see it hahahahaha Minchia!

  25. C. Andres: Yes cullo is international from the looks of it. Thanks for stopping in and leaving a comment.

    Juice: Thanks for coming by and leaving me a comment and addingme as a friend so nice of you. As for backpackers never lived with any but I guess mum could do it now.

    Ken: You dirty little guy that was YOU!!!!!Minchia!

    Larry: it's pretty clear to me that they had to get it done no matter what. Thanks for coming by and leaving me a comment.

    Walt: Thanks for stopping in on me and my crazy little world. So what's wrong with a dumpster hahahaha???? They sure needed the smell of rotten food to get it on ohhhhh...what a lovely way to end a date.

    Jammie: A car would have been a good start. Nice of you to drop by again, hope things are well.

    Floreta: my mum is the best and has a really good sense of humor for sure. Hope things are good with you.

    Paris: I know speechless..what can I say it's never boring in my world.

    Prometheus: Mmmmm disease ridden dumpster Minchia! I know what the hell is wrong with people.

    Lazy: I know I'm still teasing her...she's a good sport about it.

  26. Hysterical, I love it, mom's are so fun to tease about that stuff !

  27. @Kat....I know it was funny. Thanks for coming by nice to see you.


  28. Your poor mom. "What'sa matter with you people?"

  29. @Anita...the best thing about all this is that it happened twice to her hahahahahha my mom rocks.



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