Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

In honour of Mother's Day, I thought I'd post this funny little ditty that always resurfaces via e-mail around this time of year.

Things My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."


2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that’s why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going
to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on. Don’t you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You’re just like your father."

23 My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you’ll understand."

25. My mother taught me JUSTICE.
"One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

To all you mom's out there, I salute you!

JB

20 comments:

  1. hahahha...
    brilliant...!!
    i loved it...!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. My mother taught me EMPATHY.
    "Clean your plate! Don't you know there are children starving to death in Africa?"

    ReplyDelete
  3. These are funny every time I read them!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lol, I love them. I even said some of them to my kids....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hilarious! "Time Travel". That was my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You can't argue with THAT kind of LOGIC !

    Brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  7. happy mom day! i hadnt seen this list before. i sent my mom an email which i originally posted on my blog :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hilarious! My mom taught me a lot of those same exact lessons :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks, jb. This was hysterical :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. That's funny :)

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and checkin' on me :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Haha, never seen these before!

    The osmosis one made me laugh out loud. Great stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  12. JB, I am so deeply honored to be your blog of the week this week. What a beautiful surprise!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love this list! Hope all you Moms had a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Everyone....I'm so happy you all liked this post. This email made me laugh out loud. It reminded me of some of the things my mother used to say to me or kinda say to me. I hope everyone had a good Mother's Day and may love fill your lives.

    Peace
    JB

    ReplyDelete
  15. lmao that's so funny!! I can relate to that. heehee

    Have a good week :D

    ReplyDelete
  16. @indi....hahah... I know I wish I had some more time to addd my mom's witty comments. It would have been even funnier.

    Love You
    JB

    ReplyDelete
  17. @Karen...hahahah I know these are so funny. Hope your good and thanks for stopping in on me.

    Huggs
    JB

    ReplyDelete


Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...