Letters To My Deli Customers - Part 2

Dear 'Allergic To MSG' Customer,

I think you're under the impression that I'm an allergy specialist masquerading as a deli clerk because only you come in every week asking me questions about what you can and can't eat. Is there MSG in Brie? Like I told you before, no, there isn't. What about in Camembert? For the love of God, lady, no! But, I can't eat Parmesan. Yeah, I know, you told me 50 times. So, there's no MSG in Brie or Camembert? NOOOOOO, damn, it, NO!!! I mean, exactly where do you think we get our Brie & Camembert from, The Golden Dragon Restaurant down the street?? Please, lady, do me a favour and educate yourself about food, so you can stop being such a pain in my a**, OK? Or, better yet, JUST STAY THE H*LL AWAY FROM ME!!

Thanks,
JB

Dear 'Metric Conversion Challenged' Customer,

Why can't you get it through your damn head that 100 grams and 1 pound do not weigh the same thing? Seriously, every bloody time you come in I have to tell you. Are you that freakin' dense? For the love of God, pal, use Google to get a clue, or ask someone smarter than you to explain the difference in itty bitty baby steps until it's permanently seared into your memory. Then, as I told 'Numerically Challenged' customer, DO THE F**KING MATH BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE, PLEASE!!!

Thanks,
JB

Dear 'Never Know What You Want' Customer,

Why the h*ll can't you make a grocery list before you leave the house? If you don’t know what you want when your turn comes up at the counter, please let the next person go ahead of you, instead of hemming and hawing about how you don't know what to get your kids, or your husband, or whether you want salami or chicken, or blah, blah, blah. CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE LINE AND PEOPLE ARE GETTING MAD???!!! Do you have any idea what it's like after you leave and I have to deal with those people that you pissed off? Believe me, it’s not pretty. So, either you start figuring out what you want before you show up, or STAY HOME!!!!!!!

Thanks,
JB