Monday, February 2, 2009

Two Legs Do Not A Table Make

Last week, like most weeks, we had a one-day-event snowstorm. It’s a toss up every morning when you wake up. You know that something nasty is on the way at some point during the week, you just don't know which day it's going to show up. I always peek threw my curtains like I’m spying on my neighbour, but really it’s because I'm scared to see what I have to face for the drive to work and back. Anyway, when I looked out the window that day, the snow was coming down so hard that I wasn't seeing much of anything. Just for the h*ll of it, I went to look out my office window, but it made no difference. Angry snow flakes the size of my head were falling fast & furious. So, I called work and told them that there was no way I was coming in and neither are any customers. My sister told me that almost all of our reservations were indeed cancelled and it was going to be an early night for sure.

Since I wasn't going anywhere, I decided it was a good day to clean the house, do some laundry, groom the cats, etc. When I stopped to look outside again, it was 2pm. This time the view was from my kitchen window. Snow was still coming down like crazy. I figured that I should probably go clear what was already piled up on the front steps before it got to be too much to manage, but the wind just about knocked me off me feet & the snow almost took my eyes out. Screw that idea, I thought as I backed up into the house and closed the door. Back to the laundry room...

When 3pm rolled around, I was done putting my house in order and thinking about what to do next. Take a nap, watch a movie, write my next blog post, read a book, go to Ikea... Yep, that's it, go to Ikea. You see, I'd been wanting to buy this cool white desk & chair combo plus these white organizer boxes

to transfer the stuff from my three boxes into new boxes (there is actually a fourth box too... stay tuned for that story... it’s a keeper) for a while, and I was ready to brave the insane weather for them. I know, I’m crazy, but Ikea is only a 20 minute drive from my house. So, I bundled up & headed out to my car. Wait, were the h*ll is my car? It was covered in so much snow, I could barely see it. I had to get a milk crate to stand on to clean it off. It took forever.

Finally, with U2's War blaring at me through my speakers, I was off to Ikea. Needless to say, it was bad. I was going 30km/hr and couldn't see 2 feet in front of me, but I wasn't turning around. I was driving blind to Ikea. I think they should send me a gift for almost loosing my life for a Vika Amon table, Herman chair, and Kassett boxes, or whatever nutty Swedish names they give their furniture.

Over an hour later, I arrived at my destination and I needed to pee, big time. As I pulled into the parking lot, it was clear that I wasn't the only crazy person who’d ventured out to Ikea. The place was packed and parking was a total disaster because of all the snow. Somehow, I managed to maneuver my car along side someone else's and then quickly made my way inside the store.

Got to pee… got to pee… got to pee…

After a trip to the ladies room, I marched myself right over to the warehouse section to collect my table top, legs, and chair. I had already written down the item location information beforehand, so it didn't take long. Next, I made my way towards the checkout because the white boxes were located near there, then I was good to go.

I waited in line about 15 minutes before my turn came up, and when it did the cashier had news for me.

Cashier: Sorry, this cash is for credit and debt cards only, Miss. See (pointing her skinny finger at the sign above her head)?

Me: Yeah (damn it), but I must be snow-blind and can’t see or read.

Cashier: You can go 2 cashes over.

Me: Great, and line up for another 15 minutes.

Cashier: Sorry.

I turned around and pushed my cart over two cashes. Luckily, I only had to wait a few minutes.

2nd Cashier: Did you find what you where looking for, Miss.

Me: Oh, yeah, I got my Swedish fix & I’m ready face the snow again

2nd Cashier: (giggling like I had just tickled her or something) OK, one table top, a chair, three boxes, a bag of Swedish cookies (I picked them up near the cash… couldn't help myself), and two legs. Just two legs?

Me: Yeah, that’s everything.

2nd Cashier: So, two legs only, right? Are you sure that this is all you need?

Me: Yeah, that’s it.

2nd Cashier: Are you sure you don’t need two more legs?

Me: No, I’m good. Thanks for asking.

2nd Cashier: (glancing over at the cashier beside her and giggling again because I was clueless, but didn't know it yet) OK, that’s $69.59, please.

Me: Cool (handing her the cash), here you go.

2nd Cashier: Thanks. Have a safe drive home.

As I was making my way to the exit, I could hear her and the other cashier still giggling away behind me, but I just didn't get it.

When I finally got home, I couldn't wait to set everything up.

Roomie: Hey, (watching me drag everything into the house) did you get what you wanted, you crazy Italian nutcase daring to go out in this weather?

Me: Yeah, come on. Help me get this stuff to the office.

We started by unpacking the pieces that we needed to assemble the desk. We laid everything out on the floor, and then…

Roomie: (looking at me and trying very hard not too laugh) Um, exactly how do you want me to put your desk together?

Me: What?

Roomie: (smirking) Where are the other two legs, Blondie?

Me: Huh? (and then it hit me) Oh... no! No! For f**k sake!

Roomie: (just laughing away)

Me: Sh*t, man, sh*t!!

Roomie: Do you want me to go cut a tree down to build the other two legs for you?

So, there we sat, laughing our a**es off as I told him the whole story.

Me: She kept asking me if all I needed was two legs.

Roomie: OMG, you’re an idiot.

Yeah, that'll teach me to go shopping in a snowstorm.

JB

28 comments:

  1. Ohhh nooo... I've had so many of those moments its not even funny.

    Just had to pop over and return your visit. Glad I did! I'll be back. :)

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  2. That is definitely something I would do! Thanks again for featuring me :) I'm flattered! One quick thing, I'm 21 now, I was diagnosed at 19. Close enough! hehe.

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  3. @random thoughts....yeah it happens to the best of us for sure. Thanks for dropping by.

    @Lindsay.....you are my feature girl this week so enjoy it. I hope that people come over to visit your blog. I fixed the age heheheeh sorry.....lol

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  4. Hahaha.. :D
    The snow made your common sense hazy too??

    :D
    funny story !!
    Glad you blogged!!

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  5. I wonder what it was that you were actually thinking about when the cashier asked you about the legs :))

    Surely you must've had snow on your mind ;)

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  6. @indi...it's strange seeing me on your blog thanks for making me feel special.....and yeah the snow I think got to me lol. Really, I think, I could have done it with two legs lol....or not.

    Huggs
    JB

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  7. @Jerry, well... I wasn't thinking about the snow or her. I think what I was thinking about was, what the hell am I doing in the middle of one of the worst snow storms buying three completely white items, that won't even match my stuff...Oh well....wtf, is wrong with me.....that's about it Jerry.

    Huggs
    JB

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  8. Carissima JB,

    you're clearly yet another victim of the IKEA virus.

    Bacioni :)

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  9. @jerry...mmm..virus or completely and utterly stupid. I'm wondering about myself and Ikea.

    Bacci Bello
    JB

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  10. This insanity is totally something I would do--including the number of legs.


    :)

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  11. @amanda...I told you...you are not alone out there in this huge world....imagine two legs only lololol.

    Huggs
    JB

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  12. I've got a coffee table that, two or three moves ago, fell off the back of the moving truck (nope, couldn't say anything to the movers about it...I was the mover) breaking two of its legs...so, now, I have it kinda jammed into a corner, where, buttressed against the wall, the two broken legs manage to hold up their end...then, they are still legs, even if broken, so not sure how relevant this story is...then, it's an awfully snowy day here, too...so that's my excuse as well...

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  13. @yogaforcynics.....see that's what I thought I could do if I didn't get the other two legs. i mean there is always a way to slove any problem even a two legged one. You just have to be mindful about it.

    Huggs
    JB

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  14. Now *that* is funny.

    You should screw it to a bracket or two and then screw those (that) into the wall, and then just pretend you had planned on only using/buying two legs all along.

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  15. @kreig......lolololol that's what me my roommate said to do as he laughed his head off at me. You guys are so crafty....and I'm so dingy lololol. Thanks for dropping by. I don't do this all the time...well maybe not all the time.

    Huggs
    JB

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  16. Funny!

    Did your Swedish fix include gobbling down their delicious meatballs? I always have to get them when I visit. Its been so longggg. In this economy, its better that way, I need the dough for other things.

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  17. I like ur blog! I wish there was a link where I could follow it.

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  18. @SSQuo: Thanks for stopping by. No, no Swedish meatballs.

    @Stephie J: Glad you enjoyed your visit. If you can't add me via your dashboard, I've finally added the Followers widget to my blog. It's on the left, near the top. Hope that helps. :)

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  19. haha did you go back and get the other two legs? I love ikea, :)

    I'm now following your blog, hooray and how did you hear about the heat wave. I think it's been eqivalent to 113 degrees to you. Which is 45 here. It's been pretty gross to be honest.

    I bought a fan but it seems to just push the hot air around.

    How've you been?
    Sorry I've been slack lately, I've been meaning to respond to your email but Im finding it hard to obtain any free time.

    xo

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  20. @katie...hahaha...are you feeling hot and sweaty even with the fan.....better then-30 and still freaking snowing here. No worries I'm not going anywhere. You such a busy beaver building dams,walls and all that fun stuff that life throws your way.

    I'm justing waiting for the man bits answer hahahhah you make me laugh. You know good things are worth the wait......I think lolol. My in box is always open when you get time.

    Stay Cool
    JB

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  21. I

    LOVE

    IKEA!!!!

    Dont feel bad about it! I get so carried away in that store I never end up getting anything right! hahaha

    Thats really funny though!

    Did ya end up going back and getting the other 2 legs?

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  22. @Pk, hope you don't mind me calling you simpley Pk. I went back for the legs but I made sure that the cashier wasn't anywhere to be found. Thanks for dropping by and following me much apprecitated.

    Huggs
    jb

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  23. That is too funny. Did you ever make it back for the other legs?

    Definitely enjoyed the blog! I will be back.

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  24. @E...heehehhe thanks for dropping by and yeah I went back for the other legs. When I went back I looked around to make sure that the 2 cahiers where nowhere to be found hahah. Also it's still cold and freezing here.

    Take Care
    JB

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  25. i think you forgot to mention how you smoked up before you went to ikea

    ps, your comment on the 25 things was epic. absolutely epic.

    -SFBF

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  26. @rob...please smoked up...I did worse..pulled out the crack pipe and cut the lines on the bathroom mirror..oh it was still hanging on the wall maybe that's why that didn't work...mmmm..I'm a crackhead...and the whole day my theme was white lines white snow white heads all things snow white minus the 7 little prevert's that follow that slut around which I'm sure where double 14...love you my SFBF......
    Huggs
    JB

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  27. :) nice..i almost lol'd out loud for real

    <3
    - Gina

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  28. @gina...i'm still laughing trust me.

    Huggs
    JB

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Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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