Remember when I blogged about the lady who came into the deli asking for shav-ed ham? Well, she came back, but not for ham. This time she wanted Salami. Sounds easy enough, but it got complicated fast.
Me: Hello (OMG, it's shav-ed ham lady), mam, what can I get you today?
Lady: I want some Salami.
Me: Alright. What kind would you like?
Lady: No fat Salami.
Me: (here we go, I thought, fighting back a laugh) Mam, there's no such thing as Salami with no fat.
Lady: Yes, there is.
Me: (just like there's shave-ed ham, right?) OK, but not at this deli.
Lady: Well, what Salami has the least amount of fat?
Me: None of them, really.
Lady: Well, that just won't do.
Me: I don't know what to say.
Lady: (no response... just surveying the deli meats behind the glass)
Me: Can I make a suggestion?
Me: How about some Chicken Salami?
Lady: Excuse me? Did you just say, Chicken Salami?
Me: Yes. Chicken is lower in fat, so...
Lady: (leaning over the counter and whispering) What is Chicken Salami?
Me: (I can't believe she just did that) I don't know, exactly (picking up the Chicken Salami).
Lady: Is there really chicken in it?
Me: Uh, it says here (reading off the label) traces of beef and/or pork, mechanically separated chicken, starch...
Lady: No, that won't do.
Me: Alright, how about the Mustard Seed Salami?
Lady: Is that the one with the least fat?
Lady: OK, then. I'll take 200 grams.
What she didn't know was that I lied. I know, I was bad. I'm probably going to deli hell, but there is no such thing as no fat Salami. Just like there is no such thing as shav-ed ham. Seriously, lady.
Me: (walking back from the slicer) Here you go, mam. I hope this does the trick for you.
Lady: Well, like I said, it's not for me.
What? No she didn't.