Thursday, January 15, 2009

Pain: My Word of the Month

Knowing that there is worse pain doesn't make present pain hurt any less.
- Real Live Preacher

Definitions for the word 'pain' found on the Web:

- a symptom of some physical hurt or disorder
- emotional distress; a fundamental feeling that people try to avoid
- a somatic sensation of acute discomfort
- something or someone that causes trouble; a source of unhappiness
- cause emotional anguish or make miserable

It’s -30 outside and I’m sitting here in my PJ's wondering when the pain in my heart will subside. I figure that maybe at some point it will stop or I will stop it. I haven’t figured out how yet, but sooner or later it has to go away.

The pain I feel is comprised of loneliness, sadness, disappointment, and yearning for someone who is completely oblivious and unaware of what has happened to us. I guess living in denial is easier. I wish I could be like her... dead inside. Sure, my Ex claims to be sorry, but it’s me who's alone at night with my memories and heartache. This is who I am... a heartbroken, lonely, slightly depressed person who can’t let go of the love that held her together for so many years. She, on the other hand, is a cold, heartless wench with no feelings for me whatsoever, and I don’t get it at all. How can she just put it out of her mind like it never happened?

Holy crap, I just read that back, and I'm pathetic. Please, someone slap me in the face and tell to f**king get a grip. I should be confined to a small room & made to forget, but how do you make the heart forget? I feel sad and I miss her... that’s it and that’s all.


P.S. About that room, better make it a padded one, please. I hear it's easier to write on the walls.


  1. The pain is tough, especially when it becomes physical, not just emotional.

    I doubt somehow, that your ex has no feelings for you at all. Perhaps just a different way of handling things?

    Be gentle on yourself. And yeah, eventually it does get better. That feeling of love? Time to turn it inwards on yourself :)

  2. No slapping necessary my friend. You can't choose how your heart loves. It's like asking when the memory of them will stop breaking your heart--its unmeasurable.

    The best way is to wake up everyday and remind yourself that you gave it all you've got and thats the best you can do.

    People say don't live in the past.
    Live each day like it's your last
    But you should try it in reverse.
    [live each day like its your first]

  3. JB, I read your words, hear your pain, and I wish that I could look you in the eye and tell you that in time it will all be okay.

    I know that this really is true, but until you know it for yourself my words (and my writing) mean nothing.

  4. I have been where you are. I held on for four years before I finally took an objective look at what our relationship was really like and decided that I could not allow it to drag me under anymore. Hopefully, it won't take YOU as long to figure things out. Hang in there, JB!

  5. Wow, have I been there, dear jb. Friendly hugs to you. I'm finally post heartache, and my brain tells me it's never a waste to love deeply. Take very good care of yourself, and know that we are all here for you. Getting over heartache is a lonely road, so I hope you have some people close by who will help you though this also.

  6. no problem babe. It felt AMAZING to get that out, whether anyone else saw it or not. Good luck!!


  7. All this is NORMAL... yep,you heard me right.. absolutely normal to go through every bit of emotion that you just talked about after a heartbreak..
    dont be tooo hard on yourself...
    cry, hurt and just let it out of your system..!!
    I promise you will heal...
    My advice... "give it time".
    I promise!
    Lots of hugs!

  8. i'm sorry. i'm also going through some pain. i haven't quite let go yet... time will tell. i agree with indi. this is all normal. let yourself go through the motions. it is necessary!

  9. I gotta agrre with saveyoursoul here... although I kinda have been saying the exact same thing about this situation for the past month in my case... so it really is easier said than done.
    You repeated so many of the words I dedicate to him... oblivous... the padded room... my best friend is willing to offer one to him... so she can look him in there so I don't have to mingle with him no more...
    All I can say it that I am here for you... I do, really, feel your pain... and you have my shoulder to take... alawys!
    And... see it this way... we can "make" each other follow the last words saveyoursoul said... what do you say about that?
    It's a deal?! =)

    Lots of love***

  10. There's nothing worse than the pain you're experiencing. Nothing emptier than waking up every morning with a lonely heart. But the key here is, that although the love feels like it was your soul, your saviour, your air; you need to believe in yourself and know that if your let another person into your heart again that they will take care of it.

    I know how you feel because I feel like I can't make any friends because of all of the bad memories associated with failed friendships. But the ones I gave into, and let inside my heart, are the ones who cherish me the most.

    Have faith in humankind, even though it's almost impossible at times. Someone out there is ready to love you, JB



Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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