(Original post date: Tuesday, August 19th, 2008)
A body full of sorrow and pain
Veins filled with black blood,
Skin dry and cracked,
Bones broken
A human with no core and no soul
This is the image in the mirror
Staring back at me, at you
Once in love, and now full of hate
Once whole, and now ripped in two
Where do you begin?
Where do I end?
One half me, one half you
I will never find my way back, nor will you
We are separate, but the same
We are never going to be the same
The rain no longer warm and soft
Instead, thick droplets of blood
Replace the love drained from my veins
All I see is your broken, cracked face,
Filled with pain and guilt,
Empty of truth, empty of love
How do we change this aching, bitter, cracked road,
This twisting, widening mess,
To get back to that place?
The gates of heaven or hell opened for us,
By us, to service us
I am bleeding in my heart,
Choking on chunks of blood...
Feeling your loss,
Feeling your pain,
Aching in vain
What have we become?
A bag of brittle bones,
Blood to ashes,
Hate to fear
What is it that you fear??!!!
Why do you hate me so?
Knife so deep,
Cracked my heart,
Ripped my soul
Swallowing black blood...
I hold your face in my gaze,
Tears dripping down,
Wishing that this road had an end
The blood has turned to dust and ashes
Good-bye is all that's left
The last drop of blood touches my lips on yours
Rest
Good-bye is my final word,
Written in blood on your lips
Good-bye
Until we meet again...
Angel with gilded wings,
Who saved my life a long time ago,
Then took my life without a second thought, look or embrace
With black blood on your wings and hands,
How do you love me again?
© 2008 JB. All rights reserved.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Customer Request of the Week: Shav-ed Ham
For those of you who don't know, I've been helping out my friend at his deli for a couple of months now, and I have to say that it's been a nice change from the restaurant biz. Seriously, I enjoy my time there very much. Anyway, I promised that I would write deli related posts, so I thought I'd start off with a customer request for ham, more specifically, shav-ed ham. No, that is not a typo. Read it out loud to yourself for a second, shav... ed... ham. I figured that the lady making the request meant 'shaved' ham and was just pronouncing it 'shav-ed' because of her accent (her first language was clearly French), but no.
JB: Good afternoon, mam. What can I get for you today?
Lady: I would like some shav-ed ham.
JB: Mam, do you mean, 'shaved' ham?
Lady: No, shav-ed ham.
JB: OK (wtf??), mam, what kind of ham?
Lady: Shav-ed ham.
JB: Yes, I know, but what kind? We have Black Forest Ham, Honey Maple Ham, Honey Maple Garlic Ham, Smoked Ham, Hardwood Ham, Cooked Ham, Peppered Ham...
Lady: No, I want shav-ed ham.
JB: (OMG, are you for real, lady?) Mam, I understand, but which kind would you like me to shave for you?
Lady: Shav-ed ham!
JB: Shav-ed ham, OK. I can shav-ed anything for you, but you have to tell me what kind of ham.
Lady: Ah, shav-ed ham... that's all I want.
JB: I know that's all you want, but you need to tell me what kind of shav-ed ham you want.
Lady: (throwing her hands up in the air) Uh, enough! I want nothing.
Off she went, leaving me completely dumbfounded.
Co-Worker: (coming in from the back of the store) JB, are you OK?
JB: Yeah... Um, do we have shav-ed ham?
Co-Worker: What?
JB: Do we have shav-ed ham?
Co-Worker: You mean 'shaved' ham?
JB: No, shav-ed. That lady who just left, she wanted shav-ed ham.
Co-Worker: There's no such thing as shav-ed ham.
JB: Ok, just checking.
I dare you to go to your deli and ask for shav-ed ham. Let me know what happens.
JB
JB: Good afternoon, mam. What can I get for you today?
Lady: I would like some shav-ed ham.
JB: Mam, do you mean, 'shaved' ham?
Lady: No, shav-ed ham.
JB: OK (wtf??), mam, what kind of ham?
Lady: Shav-ed ham.
JB: Yes, I know, but what kind? We have Black Forest Ham, Honey Maple Ham, Honey Maple Garlic Ham, Smoked Ham, Hardwood Ham, Cooked Ham, Peppered Ham...
Lady: No, I want shav-ed ham.
JB: (OMG, are you for real, lady?) Mam, I understand, but which kind would you like me to shave for you?
Lady: Shav-ed ham!
JB: Shav-ed ham, OK. I can shav-ed anything for you, but you have to tell me what kind of ham.
Lady: Ah, shav-ed ham... that's all I want.
JB: I know that's all you want, but you need to tell me what kind of shav-ed ham you want.
Lady: (throwing her hands up in the air) Uh, enough! I want nothing.
Off she went, leaving me completely dumbfounded.
Co-Worker: (coming in from the back of the store) JB, are you OK?
JB: Yeah... Um, do we have shav-ed ham?
Co-Worker: What?
JB: Do we have shav-ed ham?
Co-Worker: You mean 'shaved' ham?
JB: No, shav-ed. That lady who just left, she wanted shav-ed ham.
Co-Worker: There's no such thing as shav-ed ham.
JB: Ok, just checking.
I dare you to go to your deli and ask for shav-ed ham. Let me know what happens.
JB
Friday, January 23, 2009
Reflecting on Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Like millions of other people, I witnessed history being made on Tuesday, January 20, 2009 at 12:06pm EST. If you missed that monumental moment, I actually feel sorry for you. Sure, I realize that Barack Obama is just a man, but he's the kind of man whose idea of change involves us all, not just him and his policies because, as he said, "all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness." Together, people can make a difference. We just have to "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America."
I might not be an American citizen, but, as I said in a previous post, I believe in President Obama and in what people can do when they join together to make changes for the better. So, I ask you, what is it that you will do to make this world a better place for you, your family, friends, and fellow citizens?
JB
P.S. For those of you who missed it...
President Barack Obama Inauguration and Address
I might not be an American citizen, but, as I said in a previous post, I believe in President Obama and in what people can do when they join together to make changes for the better. So, I ask you, what is it that you will do to make this world a better place for you, your family, friends, and fellow citizens?
JB
P.S. For those of you who missed it...
President Barack Obama Inauguration and Address
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Kids
The other day, my sister called to tell me yet another priceless story about my 4 year old cousin. This kid is always up to something, and this time the little bugger decided to test the weather with one of his body parts (not a good idea, let me tell you) when his Nonna was walking him to school. Today it's about 12 below zero outside, but last week we were in a deep freeze, so every day was 30 to 40 below zero. In other words, it was freakin' freezin' outside. Anyway, everything was fine until Nonna stopped to button up her jacket a little higher, so the collar would cover more of her face. In the few seconds that it took to make the adjustment, my cousin managed to get stuck to a steel pole by way if his tongue.
Cousin: Ahuh... Namna!
Nonna: OMG! What is wrong with you? Why did you do this?
Cousin: I dant dohw... I sawb dem do ipt im schuhhl.
Nonna: Not in -40 weather, honey.
Cousin: Pleece, Namna, helb.
Well, Nonna did her best, slowly pulling to free his tongue, but it just wasn't happening. So, she called up his father and relayed the news. He was not impressed, not one bit. Unfortunately, when he showed up, he couldn't free my cousin either, and that left them only one other option, they had to call 911.
Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Father: My son licked a pole and his tongue is stuck to it.
Operator: Excuse me? What is the emergency?
Father: My son is stuck to a pole.
Operator: Your son is stuck to a pole?
Father: Yes.
Operator: By his tongue? That's what you said, correct?
Father: Yes.
Operator: Where?
Father: Outside.
Operator: Outside where? Outside your house?
Father: No, nearby his school.
Operator: Sir, have you tried to pull him off the pole?
Father: Yes.
Operator: And?
Father: Nothing. The pole has him by the tongue and it won't let him go.
Operator: The pole won't let him go?
Father: No, the pole is winning, my son is bleeding, and we are freezing. Please, send someone to help us.
Operator: OK, let me get this straight, the pole is outside by the school, it has your son by the mouth, and it won't free him from it's grasp?
Father: Yes.
Operator: I'm dispatching ambulance and fire, sir. Please stay at the location.
Father: Where else do you think we'll go, lady? My son is stuck to a pole.
I'm pretty sure that 911 operator must have peed herself trying to refrain from laughing because that's pretty much what I'm doing right now trying to relay this story. LOL
Anyway, the emergency services came, applied some sort of goop to the pole, and peeled my cousin off of it. Meanwhile, as if all that wasn't bad enough, there was a $50 fee for each service because they didn't consider what had happened to be a 'real' emergency.
I don't know about you guys, but a 4 year old child stuck to a steel pole by way of his tongue in 40 below weather sounds like an emergency to me.
JB
Cousin: Ahuh... Namna!
Nonna: OMG! What is wrong with you? Why did you do this?
Cousin: I dant dohw... I sawb dem do ipt im schuhhl.
Nonna: Not in -40 weather, honey.
Cousin: Pleece, Namna, helb.
Well, Nonna did her best, slowly pulling to free his tongue, but it just wasn't happening. So, she called up his father and relayed the news. He was not impressed, not one bit. Unfortunately, when he showed up, he couldn't free my cousin either, and that left them only one other option, they had to call 911.
Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Father: My son licked a pole and his tongue is stuck to it.
Operator: Excuse me? What is the emergency?
Father: My son is stuck to a pole.
Operator: Your son is stuck to a pole?
Father: Yes.
Operator: By his tongue? That's what you said, correct?
Father: Yes.
Operator: Where?
Father: Outside.
Operator: Outside where? Outside your house?
Father: No, nearby his school.
Operator: Sir, have you tried to pull him off the pole?
Father: Yes.
Operator: And?
Father: Nothing. The pole has him by the tongue and it won't let him go.
Operator: The pole won't let him go?
Father: No, the pole is winning, my son is bleeding, and we are freezing. Please, send someone to help us.
Operator: OK, let me get this straight, the pole is outside by the school, it has your son by the mouth, and it won't free him from it's grasp?
Father: Yes.
Operator: I'm dispatching ambulance and fire, sir. Please stay at the location.
Father: Where else do you think we'll go, lady? My son is stuck to a pole.
I'm pretty sure that 911 operator must have peed herself trying to refrain from laughing because that's pretty much what I'm doing right now trying to relay this story. LOL
Anyway, the emergency services came, applied some sort of goop to the pole, and peeled my cousin off of it. Meanwhile, as if all that wasn't bad enough, there was a $50 fee for each service because they didn't consider what had happened to be a 'real' emergency.
I don't know about you guys, but a 4 year old child stuck to a steel pole by way of his tongue in 40 below weather sounds like an emergency to me.
JB
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Curiously Strong Factoids - More About Me
I was visiting Rene's blog the other day (she is one of my fave bloggers), and I really liked her most recent post -- Curiously Strong Factoids -- , so I thought I'd go for the tag that was up for grabs. Here goes....
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, my uncle (my dad's brother), but I got the female version of his name, of course.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED AND WHY?
Yesterday, while driving in to work. I always cry. It's stronger than me.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yeah, I do. It’s a strange combo of half printing & half writing.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I can't choose, so it's a tie between hot Genoa Salami and Mortadella. Mmmmmm, yummy in my tummy.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No, but I would love to.
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Damn straight, I’d be my friend! Why not?!
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Blackthoughts should tell you a lot. Plus, I work with my family. Sarcasm is a survival tool.
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No. They were removed when I was 8. They almost killed me.
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I’m bungee jumping right now through my messed up life.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I don’t eat cereal. Should I be eating it?
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes, otherwise my mom will yell at me.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
I’m stronger than I thought I was.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Again, I can't choose, so it's a tie between Strawberry Vanilla or Chocolate Mint.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ?
Smile
RED OR PINK?
Pink
WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I trust too easily.
WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ?
You mean besides my Ex? I miss my Aunt.
WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Seven jeans and white & brown puma runners
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE ?
My mother's homemade manicotti
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (soundtrack), The Fountain (soundtrack), Fallen (Evanescence), and The Open Door (also by Evanescence.)
IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Orange
FAVORITE SMELLS?
Rain
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mother
FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Cycling, especially The Tour De France
HAIR COLOR?
I just coloured it... dark brown.
EYE COLOR?
Dark brown, yet they sometimes look black depending on my mood/what I’m wearing.
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes
FAVORITE FOOD?
Pizza
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings. I hate scary movies. They are too predictable.
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A&F pink and white stripped polo
SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer because it means I can go cycling and to the beach
HUGS OR KISSES?
Long warm kisses followed up by long warm hugs
FAVORITE DESSERT?
Shortbread cookies
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Night by Elie Wiesel
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Lance Armstrong
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Grey's Anatomy and Fringe
FAVORITE SOUND?
Rain
ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Rolling Stones
WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Europe
DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yes, but I can’t tell you. You’ll have to meet me to know what it is…
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Italy
I tag:
Everyone who reads this. :) Come on, folks, take on the challenge!
JB
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, my uncle (my dad's brother), but I got the female version of his name, of course.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED AND WHY?
Yesterday, while driving in to work. I always cry. It's stronger than me.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yeah, I do. It’s a strange combo of half printing & half writing.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I can't choose, so it's a tie between hot Genoa Salami and Mortadella. Mmmmmm, yummy in my tummy.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No, but I would love to.
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Damn straight, I’d be my friend! Why not?!
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Blackthoughts should tell you a lot. Plus, I work with my family. Sarcasm is a survival tool.
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No. They were removed when I was 8. They almost killed me.
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I’m bungee jumping right now through my messed up life.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I don’t eat cereal. Should I be eating it?
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes, otherwise my mom will yell at me.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
I’m stronger than I thought I was.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Again, I can't choose, so it's a tie between Strawberry Vanilla or Chocolate Mint.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ?
Smile
RED OR PINK?
Pink
WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I trust too easily.
WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ?
You mean besides my Ex? I miss my Aunt.
WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Seven jeans and white & brown puma runners
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE ?
My mother's homemade manicotti
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (soundtrack), The Fountain (soundtrack), Fallen (Evanescence), and The Open Door (also by Evanescence.)
IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Orange
FAVORITE SMELLS?
Rain
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mother
FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Cycling, especially The Tour De France
HAIR COLOR?
I just coloured it... dark brown.
EYE COLOR?
Dark brown, yet they sometimes look black depending on my mood/what I’m wearing.
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes
FAVORITE FOOD?
Pizza
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings. I hate scary movies. They are too predictable.
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A&F pink and white stripped polo
SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer because it means I can go cycling and to the beach
HUGS OR KISSES?
Long warm kisses followed up by long warm hugs
FAVORITE DESSERT?
Shortbread cookies
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Night by Elie Wiesel
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Lance Armstrong
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Grey's Anatomy and Fringe
FAVORITE SOUND?
Rain
ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Rolling Stones
WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Europe
DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yes, but I can’t tell you. You’ll have to meet me to know what it is…
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Italy
I tag:
Everyone who reads this. :) Come on, folks, take on the challenge!
JB
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Pain: My Word of the Month
Knowing that there is worse pain doesn't make present pain hurt any less.
- Real Live Preacher
Definitions for the word 'pain' found on the Web:
- a symptom of some physical hurt or disorder
- emotional distress; a fundamental feeling that people try to avoid
- a somatic sensation of acute discomfort
- something or someone that causes trouble; a source of unhappiness
- cause emotional anguish or make miserable
(wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn)
It’s -30 outside and I’m sitting here in my PJ's wondering when the pain in my heart will subside. I figure that maybe at some point it will stop or I will stop it. I haven’t figured out how yet, but sooner or later it has to go away.
The pain I feel is comprised of loneliness, sadness, disappointment, and yearning for someone who is completely oblivious and unaware of what has happened to us. I guess living in denial is easier. I wish I could be like her... dead inside. Sure, my Ex claims to be sorry, but it’s me who's alone at night with my memories and heartache. This is who I am... a heartbroken, lonely, slightly depressed person who can’t let go of the love that held her together for so many years. She, on the other hand, is a cold, heartless wench with no feelings for me whatsoever, and I don’t get it at all. How can she just put it out of her mind like it never happened?
Holy crap, I just read that back, and I'm pathetic. Please, someone slap me in the face and tell to f**king get a grip. I should be confined to a small room & made to forget, but how do you make the heart forget? I feel sad and I miss her... that’s it and that’s all.
JB
P.S. About that room, better make it a padded one, please. I hear it's easier to write on the walls.
- Real Live Preacher
Definitions for the word 'pain' found on the Web:
- a symptom of some physical hurt or disorder
- emotional distress; a fundamental feeling that people try to avoid
- a somatic sensation of acute discomfort
- something or someone that causes trouble; a source of unhappiness
- cause emotional anguish or make miserable
(wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn)
It’s -30 outside and I’m sitting here in my PJ's wondering when the pain in my heart will subside. I figure that maybe at some point it will stop or I will stop it. I haven’t figured out how yet, but sooner or later it has to go away.
The pain I feel is comprised of loneliness, sadness, disappointment, and yearning for someone who is completely oblivious and unaware of what has happened to us. I guess living in denial is easier. I wish I could be like her... dead inside. Sure, my Ex claims to be sorry, but it’s me who's alone at night with my memories and heartache. This is who I am... a heartbroken, lonely, slightly depressed person who can’t let go of the love that held her together for so many years. She, on the other hand, is a cold, heartless wench with no feelings for me whatsoever, and I don’t get it at all. How can she just put it out of her mind like it never happened?
Holy crap, I just read that back, and I'm pathetic. Please, someone slap me in the face and tell to f**king get a grip. I should be confined to a small room & made to forget, but how do you make the heart forget? I feel sad and I miss her... that’s it and that’s all.
JB
P.S. About that room, better make it a padded one, please. I hear it's easier to write on the walls.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Women, Remember This...
I recently received the following e-mail and wanted to share it with all you ladies out there.
I salute you!
JB
This Says It All
Time passes
Life happens
Distance separates
Children grow up
Jobs come and go
Love waxes and wanes
Men don't do what they're supposed to do
Hearts break
Parents die
Colleagues forget favors
Careers end
BUT...
Sisters are there no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you, or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.
I salute you!
JB
This Says It All
Time passes
Life happens
Distance separates
Children grow up
Jobs come and go
Love waxes and wanes
Men don't do what they're supposed to do
Hearts break
Parents die
Colleagues forget favors
Careers end
BUT...
Sisters are there no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you, or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Alone In Me
Hands up my shirt
Tugging at my heart strings
Hands down my pants
Just the motion
No emotion
A lost soul
Wasting time
Filling gaps
Filling holes
Only a play a story
No beginning
No end
No names
No numbers
Who are you?
My God...
My Messiah...
My end?
I hate you!
Go to hell!
I’ll show you the road
Go!
Crawl back into your cavern of lies
Dark whore
Soulless wench
Eyes made of wooden spears
Branches for limbs
Skinless
Evil
No one
Only empty lust
On empty nights
Alone in me
© 2009 JB. All rights reserved.
Tugging at my heart strings
Hands down my pants
Just the motion
No emotion
A lost soul
Wasting time
Filling gaps
Filling holes
Only a play a story
No beginning
No end
No names
No numbers
Who are you?
My God...
My Messiah...
My end?
I hate you!
Go to hell!
I’ll show you the road
Go!
Crawl back into your cavern of lies
Dark whore
Soulless wench
Eyes made of wooden spears
Branches for limbs
Skinless
Evil
No one
Only empty lust
On empty nights
Alone in me
© 2009 JB. All rights reserved.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Three Boxes
The other night, after New Year's dinner with family, I went home with no real plans for the evening. Basically, I was just going to take it easy, but then something came over me, and the next thing I know, I'm sitting on the floor with three boxes, taking a trip down memory lane.
The first box contained all of my old journals, and, although I only skimmed through them quickly, I realized that I'm still searching for me. Sure, I know myself a little better now, but I still feel more lost than found. The second box was full of a good 20 years worth of cards, notes, and letters (do you remember when people used to write letters?) from past loves. I read through just about all of them, and the funny thing is that I couldn't even recall some of the people who'd taken the time to write them. I asked my roommate to come sit with me to help jog my memory. He told me I was clearly a heart breaker, and that he still remembers all the notes stuck to the doors of places where we used to live, the drunken phone calls, the crying, and the stalking at all hours of the day & night. LOL We've been friends for over 25 years, so he's seen me go through the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to relationships. Anyway, those letters reminded me that I can be loved and have been loved by people who touched me in the deepest part of my heart. Furthermore, the letters are proof that I am a good person and deserve more then what my Ex ever gave me, which leads me to the third box… the one with stuff from her. As much as I dreaded going through that box, something inside me was making go there, so I opened the lid and reached inside. Out came the love notes & letters, pictures, birthday cards, and other mementos. Talk about an emotional roller coaster ride. The very last card from her was from 2007 and had these words written inside:
Je vais t'aime pour tout ma vie ma belle. Je vais jamais pas t'amie. Tu est mon amour pour la vie est je t'aime avec tous que j'ai dans moi. Ta chatte d'amour pour la vie.
Basically, that translates to I will love you for all my life… you are my love for life… I love you with all that I am… forever. Meanwhile, I wonder if she was already sleeping with HWSNBN when she wrote that because it was dated pretty close to when all the lies started.
~sigh ~
Love letters that I wrote to her were also in that box. I'm talking about the ones that I wrote, but never sent. There are 43 of them. I thought about sending her one a month until they've all been delivered, but what I really need to do is force myself to look forward. I can't say that I won't stop blogging about my Ex or my heartache, but 2009 will be a year of change & progress. I'm ready to live this year giving more to myself instead of to everyone else.
Happy New Year & Best Wishes for 2009.
JB
The first box contained all of my old journals, and, although I only skimmed through them quickly, I realized that I'm still searching for me. Sure, I know myself a little better now, but I still feel more lost than found. The second box was full of a good 20 years worth of cards, notes, and letters (do you remember when people used to write letters?) from past loves. I read through just about all of them, and the funny thing is that I couldn't even recall some of the people who'd taken the time to write them. I asked my roommate to come sit with me to help jog my memory. He told me I was clearly a heart breaker, and that he still remembers all the notes stuck to the doors of places where we used to live, the drunken phone calls, the crying, and the stalking at all hours of the day & night. LOL We've been friends for over 25 years, so he's seen me go through the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to relationships. Anyway, those letters reminded me that I can be loved and have been loved by people who touched me in the deepest part of my heart. Furthermore, the letters are proof that I am a good person and deserve more then what my Ex ever gave me, which leads me to the third box… the one with stuff from her. As much as I dreaded going through that box, something inside me was making go there, so I opened the lid and reached inside. Out came the love notes & letters, pictures, birthday cards, and other mementos. Talk about an emotional roller coaster ride. The very last card from her was from 2007 and had these words written inside:
Je vais t'aime pour tout ma vie ma belle. Je vais jamais pas t'amie. Tu est mon amour pour la vie est je t'aime avec tous que j'ai dans moi. Ta chatte d'amour pour la vie.
Basically, that translates to I will love you for all my life… you are my love for life… I love you with all that I am… forever. Meanwhile, I wonder if she was already sleeping with HWSNBN when she wrote that because it was dated pretty close to when all the lies started.
~sigh ~
Love letters that I wrote to her were also in that box. I'm talking about the ones that I wrote, but never sent. There are 43 of them. I thought about sending her one a month until they've all been delivered, but what I really need to do is force myself to look forward. I can't say that I won't stop blogging about my Ex or my heartache, but 2009 will be a year of change & progress. I'm ready to live this year giving more to myself instead of to everyone else.
Happy New Year & Best Wishes for 2009.
JB
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