At least once a week there is this one particular elderly woman that I usually end up serving at the deli. Unlike some people, she never causes me any grief, so imagine how surprised (more like shocked) I was last week when I discovered that the old gal is not as innocent as she seems.
Manager: (who was standing beside me at the time, nudges me and whispers) Watch out for that old lady.
Me: (glancing in the direction my manager was looking) Who? (seeing the old woman) Her? She’s really nice.
Manager: Oh, you think?
Me: Yeah, why?
Manager: She’s a shoplifter.
Me: (stunned) What??
Manager: Not only that, she’s the leader of an entire gang of old folks who steal.
Me: (super duper stunned) WHAT??!!
Manager: It’s true.
Me: OMG, how many of them are there?
Manager: Including Anna, there are six.
Me: Anna?? You know her name?
Manager: Oh, yeah. Anna & her gang made the paper for stealing from one end of the city to the other.
Me: Seriously? They steal citywide?
Manager: Yup. They all come in together, but only one does the actual stealing because the rest are busy causing some sort of distraction so that everyone comes to the rescue of old folks in distress.
Me: (laughing) OMG, that is so crazy!! What the h*ll are they stealing?
Manager: Meat, cheese, milk… You name it, they steal it.
Me: (still laughing) Holy crap!
Manager: I can't believe you haven't seen them in the winter. Anna wears this big fur coat with inside pockets and she stashes meat in them.
Me: (practically on the floor laughing) Fur coat??!! Meat??!!
Manager: Yup, they really got a thing for meat.
Me: OMG, what do they do with it?
Manager: They go back to the retirement home and sell their stolen goods to the other old people… with a mark up.
Me: WHAT?? They do not!! No!!!
Manager: I'm totally serious.
Me: OMG, I have to ask my sister if she’s seen them in her store.
Manager: I wouldn't doubt it.
When I got home, the first thing I did was call up my sister to ask about Anna & her gang. Being the know-it-all that my sister is, I should have known that she’d heard about them long before I did.
Sister: Uh, yeah, stupid (oh, how she loves me), it’s the same bunch of old folks that steal from stores in our end of the city.
Me: Are you kidding me? They go all the way to where you are too?
Sister: Sure, they were here last week. They go from one end of the city to the other so they don't get caught.
Me: Holy sh*t!!
Sister: We know about them though, so our floor walkers (i.e. undercover security) stay right behind them all the time.
Me: But they're old people.
Sister: And they’re f**kin' evil! (OK, easy, girl) They resell what they steal to their old friends for double the cost.
Me: Geez, it's like a fu**ked up version of Robin Hood.
Sister: (laughing) Yeah, pretty much.
After I hung up the phone, I sat back & tried to make sense of it all. I mean, what the heck is going on? Could it be that Anna and her gang are so bored that they have to get their kicks by stealing? Are things so bad in their retirement home that they have to steal food & other items? I don't know what to think.
JB
The Gang o'markets!! The undercover store security!
ReplyDeleteWhat land are we talking about!
My head was spinning at the end this post!!
:D
I cannot believe it! Old people!? I love old people (the fun type, not the old whinging ones). I cannot believe it though! x
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!
ReplyDeleteWow, that is astounding. I am surprised they are let in the store. I guess I won't be bored in my old age, after all.
Oh, and this is so monty python. Gangs of grandmas roaming the streets.
ReplyDeletehahahhah hilarious....I wonder if my grandma's in that gang....probably not.....
ReplyDeleteOMG!
ReplyDeleteJb... you have the most amazing costumers... just priceless.
And the biggest heart... you rewally liked the head of the gang... Oh hun... you are the best!
Much Love,
Looks like they are getting back what's theirs! So many were robbed by dodgy pension schemes etc! it also seems they get their kick out of it too I think o would prefer to be robbed by them old folk than a hoodie...
ReplyDeleteOLD PEOPLE ARE VICIOUS! VICIOUS I TELL YA! I was a manager at a gym and Oh my Lord!
ReplyDeleteI think its fantastic! Here's a bunch of old people, who, for all we know have always been a little light-fingered, taking advantage of the fact that everyone thinks they're helpless and sweet because they're old!! Hahaha!! ;)
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, who knows how much they have to get by on? After years of paying taxes, perhaps they live on a pittance? And if they can make a buck, I say all power to 'em! LOL!!
It's hilarious and really freakin' sad at the same time!!!!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Is your family still going to shut down the deli?
omg! my thinking just doesn't go that way.... it's insane!
ReplyDeleteInteresting, not totally surprising.
ReplyDeleteWhat in the name of..
ReplyDeleteWhy would ..
... WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO.
I'm going back to bed.
JB, that last paragraph made a lot of sense. Besides, if they get caught, should they be thrown into jail? I don't think so. They are in it for the thrill, methinks.
ReplyDeleteWhat did you expect with the crisis and shi.... and all? :)
ReplyDeleteIt's the survival of the fittest, not necessarily the youngest!
It's like the old wallet stealers in Dirty Dancing!
ReplyDeleteha ha ha, well written! My stomach hurts from laughing so hard! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA! That's messed up.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
OMG jb! Instead of selling the goods on the black market they call theirs the grey market!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Thanks for the laugh!
Peace - Rene
@Indi...this land is your land and old people steal and are crazy. Store walkers are every where..welcome to canada..lololol.
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
@Jen...believe it....its crazy, I know but its happening.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JB
@JP...lolololol Monty Phython..lolol it didn't even cross my mind but it's so true hahaha. Bored old people not these ones.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JB
@izzie...she's a really nice lady,it's not her fault she likes to steal...we all have are issues to deal with....lolol. Ok maybe stealing is pushing it a little to far.....lololol
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
@libertine..thanks for dropping by my blog. I agree the old have had some hard times and maybe this is a way for them to even the score.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JB
@stef.....lolololol old people at the gym thats funny. Did you have to check in their canes and walkers...lololol.
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
@Aves Photo...if my grand ma was still alive she'd be the kingpin of the gang. Thanks for dropping by.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JB
@Savasti..your so right, who knows what these old people have left after they pay rent and bills. As funny as it may sound its also very sad.
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
@Anita.....like I said to Savasti funny but so sad indeed. Hope all is well with you. Take good care ok.
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
@shadow...insane is right. I wrote about it because it really shocked me that this is going on. It's happening alot but no one knows about it or even talks about.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JB
@mark...thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. I was surprised to hear about this but then look at what the old have to live off every month.
ReplyDeletePeace
JB
@cheryl....I should have stayed on bed that morning also. Know when I look at Anna all I see is this little old women who could rob me blind...lololololol.....go back to bed its safer.
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
@Trinity....I know the thrills and all but man it's really sad that they have to steal...but it makes for a good story.
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
@Jerry...ciao ragazzo nice to see you back. I missed you. Well your right we have forgotten our old and so they are stealing. It's the sign of the times...really sad Jerry.
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
@Mom...hahahah completely forgot about that movie and now I want to watch it again. Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. Hope all is well with you and the family.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JB
@Super Groovey..sorry about your stomach but it's a funny/sad kinda thing. Thanks for coming by and taking the time to leave me a comment.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JB
@ivegotpms...awesome blog name and I feel like I have PMS right now. I know it's messed but what the hell old people stealing makes for great writing.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JB
@Rene...that's so funny...the grey market hahahha you just cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
JBxoxo
Wow. That's intense :)
ReplyDelete@braja...I know and it's very sad. I hope your good my friend.
ReplyDeleteLove and Huggs
JB
ahhahahaha...once again...you got me rolling. Amazing!
ReplyDeletehaha JB, let me come live with you, your stories are too exciting to pass up!
ReplyDeleteYou've got a good leg of blog followers going, :)
Wish you were around last night to laugh with me, I was feeling down.
xo
Excellent! I'm going to turn into a criminal too when I get old. Except for a hip, what have you got to lose?
ReplyDeleteAnna
xx
@paris...just what the docter recommended a good bout of laughter and petty theft lololol. I'm happy I can always make you lololol Paris. I hope your ok my love.
ReplyDeleteLove
JBxo
@Katie...hey little aussi what's wrong??? I would have loved, to have been around to make you laugh. Can't imagine, being anywhere else but sitting somewhere laughing at well you know who...stop pointing those gunnsss at me lady hahahhaha...!!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up my little kangroo. Remember, you’re not alone. There is always someone who cares and no stealing until your at least 70 or older ok my aussi love.
Love & Huggs
JB
@Anna…….hhhahahahha, why wait till your old lets just go for it right now. We can replace old Anna with young Anna hahahah. This was a killer story, which I couldn’t pass up hahahah. Hope all is well with you Miss Anna and no stealing till you turn 70 lol.
ReplyDeleteLove
JB
OMG i still cant believe this... old women are supposed to be sitting at home knitting and taking slow walks or whatever. not stealing. definitely not. my head is reeling from all that.
ReplyDelete@sneha...knitting needles as weapons hahahhahaha I would never have thought about that. Why knit or go for walks when you can get old people high's on stealing.
ReplyDeleteImagine the trip they get out of rolling they're walkers out of the store and lololol at all of us. Knitting ha!!! stealing YESSSSS...God I love old people. Thanks for coming by and nice to hear from you. Take good care and watch out for those old people.
Huggs
JB