Friday, September 19, 2008

OMG, I'm A Mess!

I was just taking stock of my posts over the last month, and thought -- OMG, I’m a mess! Seriously, I can't believe how all over the place I am. Although, in comparison to last year, the level of mess is at a 5 (this based on a scale from 1-10, 10 being the worst). Two years ago the level of mess was at an 11. Three years ago, it was just about off the charts, so I often stayed in bed nursing my depression. Still, no matter how messed up I am, I’m somehow prefect in my imperfection. Only now, anyone with access to a computer can read all about it. Speaking of which, I have been journaling since I was 14, so getting my private thoughts down in written form isn't new to me (no, Oprah did not make me do it), but blogging is something else. Blogging is journaling publicly, and there is no way in hell that I could have done this last year, or the year before that, no way. This year, though, I need to do this because it’s my way of repairing the damage that was done to me. I am being honest, and it may be messy & all over the place sometimes, but it’s good for me. Who knows, maybe I can get someone else to open their window to let the sun in, make their bed, take a shower, and live, love and laugh again. God knows I didn’t really do (or want to do) those things when I was at my lowest of lows.


P.S. For all you that think I might still be in love with my Ex, I really can't answer that right now. Also, for those of you who think that I hate her, I can't answer that either. What I can say is you don’t choose who you love. You might try too, but in the end, love chooses you, and I don’t regret the love that chose me, no matter what’s happened.


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