Down The Rabbit Hole... Again

Remember when I told you guys about that dream I had about bunnies that wanted me to join their clan? Well, I don't know if it's because I'm sleep deprived due to the woodpecker (aka Paul the Pecker), or because I'm overworked, or if I'm just going nuts, but the leader bunny came back for a visit the other night. This time, the dream started out with me sitting in an office filled with potted carrot plants. I was looking around, trying to figure out what the h*ll I was doing there, when I heard the office door open. I turned to look at who was there, and in came the big, fluffy leader bunny.

Leader: Hi JB, welcome back.

Me: Holy sh*t! Not again!

Leader: Why are you so surprised that you're here again?

Me: (this is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening...)

Leader: I know what you're thinking. You want to know why you are here, instead of in our den or on the beach.

Me: (no, I'm thinking...) Mommy!!!!!!!

Leader: Your mommy can't help you, JB.

Me: Mommy, hello!!!

Leader: JB, don't be scared. You're here for a reason. Do you want to know?

Me: This is nuts. Please, someone, helllllooooooo!!! Crazy bunny at 3 o'clock!!!

Leader: Wise cracks, JB, that's just like you.

Me: (nothing... just staring back)

Leader: You are on the right path now. You finally did what you needed to do.

Me: What path? What did I do?

Leader: You got rid of the last obstacle that was standing in the way to your new life.

OK, people, now this is where things get really freaky. For some reason, something about the way the bunny was looking at me was making me look even deeper into its eyes. Suddenly, I realized that the bunny was a woman... a woman named Beena. We work together at the deli. She is Muslim and is always telling me how much faith I have. According to her, I'm on the right track & she knows this because she can see right through me. She says that she can feel my strength & that I am her soldier of truth and love. She also says that I have changed all the people who work at the deli.

Me: Uh... Beena?

Leader/Beena: Yes, JB.

JB: Really? Beena, it's you?

Leader/Beena: Yes. I told you people come into your life for a reason, JB. I am your guide. Are you starting to see it now? Have you opened your mind to the possibility that you're exactly where you're supposed to be?

Me: But in the first dream, I hadn't even met you yet. What about your clan?

Leader/Beena: Like you, they are just others who have found their way. Your purpose now is to help Jade (another woman who works with me). It's why we're both where we are.

Me: Jade? Why her?

Leader/Beena: Because, JB, she needs you more then you can imagine. It's your purpose. Do not sway from it because it will get you to the next step in your journey.

Me: But she hates me. She told me I'm egotistical, and selfish, and...

Leader/Beena: No, she doesn't mean those words. What she really wants is to be like you.

Me: Are you really sure I'm supposed to help her?

Leader/Beena: Yes.

Me: Hmm.... You know, you look really weird as a bunny.

Leader/Beena: Yes, but we can't help how we are revealed to one another.

We didn't say anything after that. I just kept looking at her and she kept looking back at me, and then I was awake. I'm freakin' losing it, I thought to myself as I lay there in the dark. Beena the bunny says Jade the hater needs my help. This should be interesting. How do you help someone who's flat out told you that they don't like you?

JB

To Kill A Woodpecker - One Week Later

I can't believe it, but it's already been a week since I first told you about the woodpecker that's been rudely interrupting my sleep. Thanks to my roommate convincing me that the freakin' bird would find a mate soon, I haven't taken matters into my own hands... yet. Instead, I've given the little sh*t a name, Paul the Pecker. Every morning at about 4:43am, Paul makes his way to the drain pipe outside my window and starts pecking away. Bang, bang, bang, bang... The sound rebounds through the walls & into my head. Bang, bang, bang, bang... GOD, HELP ME!!! I'm serious people. If you don't believe me, check out this quick video my roommate made of Paul doing his thing.

You see what I have to put up with? Well, that's not all. No, when Paul's done beating his love drum, he starts making these throaty kind of noises that make him sound like the ghost character in The Grudge movie. Can you say 'creepy'?? If I was a female woodpecker, there's no way in h*ll I'd go anywhere near him when he's doing that -- no way. He seriously needs to switch up his game because his current mating technique just isn't working. Maybe he needs to stop drumming. Yeah, I think he needs to start plucking away at the hydro lines or something. I'm pretty sure that women think guitarists are hotter than drummers. Am I right, ladies?

JB