(Original post date: Saturday, August 9th, 2008)
I am filled with an emptiness that’s larger than an ocean blue across a vast horizon. Talking does not make me feel better. It only hurts more when the words don't come as easily as one may think. Talk, but nothing is coming out, only emptiness is left.
I can't express myself, can't find myself in this skin suit I'm wearing. I am only a shell of who I used to be. Where have I gone? Where do I begin to look for me?
Shall I light a fire so that I can find my way home? Shall I send out a message in a bottle? It's hard to describe to someone how you feel when you can't feel it yourself and the words have disappeared into the darkness of your mind.
Darkness is falling over my soul... the soul of a lost child, trapped in a grown woman’s body and who has never experienced childhood. I have absorbed the sins of my father and mother, and have been lost in their hell.
I want to escape this world, leave it for a beautiful paradise... fly up to the sky, release my chains into the wind, and be free... escape to that quiet place I so desire to find, where I can smell the scents of the earth all over my body and let it blanket me.
I would love to sleep and not wake... slumber deep into the night... drift into a place of limitless air, breathe warm breaths of heaven, and lie down in a pillow of fresh dew.
I have nothing left in me. I am being drained slowly day in and day out. Soon, I will be a shell of who I was, unrecognizable to me or you... nothing left but my hollow corpse of dried blood, cracked flesh, and broken bones.
What used to be has to end. Nothing is as it was. Let go and go forth without hesitation... love and be loved... stay strong and never look back.
I, you, we are only one, and one we will always be.