Sunday, July 4, 2010

Customer of the Week: Dirty Old Dude

Last week I told you about the guy who bought three cakes from us on Father's Day. He was a little slow, but he was a nice man. I'd be happy to serve him again. A man I'd rather not serve again is this dirty old dude who also came by that day. He's at least 65 years old, very rich, but very cheap. He's always looking for a deal, yet I never see him without his Bvlgari sunglasses. Morning, afternoon, evening... the guy always comes in wearing those pricey designer shades. The hilarious thing abut those sunglasses is that they aren't men's, they're women's. LOL As for what makes him dirty, it's the way he speaks to us. He's always saying things that are totally inappropriate, and he does it in a voice that's a weird combination of Jack Nicholson and Sylvester Stallone. I think he's under the impression that he looks and sounds super suave, but he couldn't be more wrong. He's totally creepy, and I always feel like I need a shower after he stops by.

DOD: (leaning up against the counter & lifting his shades to rest on his head) Good day, ladies.

Me: (ewww, it's you!!) Hello sir, how are you today?

DOD: (remember, think Nicholson & Stallone combined) Well, I'm great. It's Father's Day, not that I'm a father, but I could have a few illegitimate children around the world that I don't know about. (looking over at Drey and winking) Don't go tell my wife, little one.

Me: (someone actually married you?? gross!)

Drey: (nothing, just a forced half smile)

DOD: (picking up one of the reduced Black Forest cakes sitting on the table out front) Is this fresh, little one, or is it fresh old, and that's why it has $2.00 off sticker on it?

Me: (WTF???)

Drey: Well, sir, it's fresh, but we need to reduce our cakes every few days.

DOD: Is that your fancy way of saying it's old?

Me: (no, you're old, dirty and old) No, sir. We just need to mark items down on certain days.

DOD: Well, that's good for me, not for you. (looking over at Drey) Did you have breakfast?

Me: (wtf does that have to do with 2 bucks off a cake?)

Drey: Yes, I did.

DOD: Did you eat lunch?

Drey: No, sir, it's too early still.

DOD: Well, are you going to have dinner?

Me: (what is this, 20 questions?)

Drey: Yes.

DOD: Well, I think you're too skinny, you should eat some more.

Me: (WTF??)

Drey: I eat enough, sir. This it just the way I am.

DOD: I'm not saying you're fat, I'm just saying you should eat a little more.

Me: (WTF? make some sense already)

Drey: (looking totally confused) Oh, OK.

Putting down the cake, DOD walks out of our sight for about 30 seconds. When he reappears, he's holding a loaf of Italian bread that he pulled off of our bread wall.

DOD: (handing the bread to Drey) Could you kindly slice this for me, little one?

Drey: (taking the bread from him) Sure.

Me: (following Drey over to the slicer and whispering) Could you kindly slice this for me, little one?

Drey: (whispering back) Shhh, JB!! Let me slice this bread so we can get rid of him. He's grossing me out.

Me: (nothing, just walking away giggling)

A moment later, Drey walks back over to the counter and hands DOD the sliced loaf of Italian bread.

Drey: Here you go, sir.

DOD: (taking the bread) Thank you for slicing my bread, little one. Tonight, when I'm eating it, I'll be thinking of you.

Me: (practically gasping... oh-my-frickin'-God!!!!!!!!)

Drey: (speechless and looking like she might vomit)

DOD: (winking & smiling) Good day, ladies.

Drey and I said nothing. We just watched DOD lower his shades back over his eyes, make a quick turn on his heel, and then saunter off with the Italian bread in one hand and the Black Forest cake in the other, totally pleased with himself, no doubt.

JB

16 comments:

  1. Thats soo eww...
    Glad he went away...
    How do you'll still manage to smile when you meet such people?? I would have given him the finger!

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  2. I’d have struggled not to take the p*** out of him if I was in there, I have a weird sense of humour at times I guess it comes from having this illness I have gotten to that place where I don’t really care if I offend people like that anymore. You sound like you handled it really well but that guy is a tool in my opinion.

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  3. Pivitra...if I gave him the finger i think he would love it he's such a creepy old dude...thanks for stopping in.

    huggs
    jb

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  4. Cinner...EWWWWWWW!!! RIGHT BACK AT YOU I KNOW HE'S SO FREAKING RETARDED. HOPW ALL IS WELL AND THANKS FOR STOPPING IN.

    HUGGS
    JB

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  5. Andrew.....he's more then a tool, he's an ass...and the girls and i just want to freaking slap him when he comes by. He's always so full of himself its nutsss!!!
    Thanks for stopping in and take care.

    huggs
    jb

    ReplyDelete
  6. EWWWW - that is just friggin nasty!

    BTW - I am living in HELL at the moment with this heat wave. I love the heat, but only when I'm on a beach somewhere - that's not Canada.

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  7. Hi JB! You had me on so gross the minute you used the word "illegitimate" in the blog article. Ick. I can't believe these people really exist. Melody @SbuxMel

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  8. Travel....the heat is melting my mind and my customers are getting worse...and wtf is canada now cuba i feel you.

    huggs
    jb

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  9. Melody they exist in my store and i will try to keep them as far away from you as possible. Thanks for taking the time to leave me a comment.

    huggs
    jb

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  10. Totally an eww factor. Wtf!! Haha.

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  11. Ohhh, yick!!!!!!

    BTW, can't picture Jack Nicholson AND Sylvester Stallone combined. But I'm sure it all adds up to, yu-uu-ck!

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  12. Gina....I know he is totally Ewwwwww!!! but man he's funny!.

    huggs
    jb

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  13. Dreamer..you should see him up close and personnel. The picture does not justify his true look. Thanks for stopping in.

    hugg
    jb

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  14. Anita... so true the photo ups the Ewwww!!!! factor and those two together, uh, not so much. I hope you're good and thanks for stopping in.

    huggs,
    jb

    ReplyDelete


Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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