Monday, July 20, 2009

Training Day: JB Meets CN

Did any of you ever watch the TV show Seinfeld? If yes, do you remember the Soup Nazi character? Well, did you know that there's also a Cake Nazi out there? Oh, yeah, my friends, I'm for real, and she's was the bane of my existence for weeks. You see, when I was training for my new position, she was the one cracking the spatula. I didn't have time to blog about her then, but I made notes in my journal during my breaks, so I'm ready to tell you all about her now.

Cake Nazi (aka CN) and I met on a Tuesday. I was ready to get started with my training, but definitely not ready for the woman who was about to arrive. She came in from the entrance behind me, so I had to turn around to greet her. When I did, there was this larger than life woman with a super straight bang that just about took out my eyes

Me: (Holy God in heaven, are you kidding me?) Uh, hi, I'm JB.

CN: (without a hint of politeness) Who are you?

Me: I'm JB, you're supposed to train me.

CN: Who are you?

Me: (how the h*ll can't she hear me when she's so close I can almost french kiss her?) I'm JB. I'm going to be training with you for the next 10 weeks. I was told you're the best.

CN: Great, just what I need, yet another untrained cake person. Who are you again?

Me: (what is this, some bizarre form of intimidation?) Like I said, I'm JB.

CN: Why are you on training in the first place?

Me: (is she dense?) I'm here because I can't make cakes.

CN: What? You've never worked in a bakery at all?

Me: No.

CN: This is a serious job. Can you flat ice, make roses on cakes, use the airgun, mix the icing? Can you do any of that?

Me: Flat ice??

CN: (looking at me with an evil glare) Go over there and grab the cupcakes... all three boxes... ice them, roll them, put the toys on them, and then go get a box of slabs and we'll flat ice for the rest of the day. And, JB, don't think I won't watch you.

Me: (nothing, just trying to register everything that she just said)

CN: Well, are you just going to stand there looking at me?

Me: Uh, no, I... cupcakes... I'm on it... them... going now... (holy crap, I'm training with a Cake Nazi!!)

CN: This is going to be more painful for you than it is for me, JB.

Me: (just don't sit on me, lady, please) I'll just go over there (the far side of the prep table), and start on those cupcakes.

Off I went to my little corner of the table and made freaking cupcakes for a good 4 hours. I swear I made 500 of them. Then, for the next 6 hours, I flat iced 16 1/4 slabs for birthday cakes. CN observed me all day, but didn't say a word. When it was time for me to head home, I said bye to her, but she didn't say anything back. These next 10 weeks are going to be some of the longest of my life, I thought to myself. The woman is going to try to break me down until I cry for mercy. Yeah, right!!! CN has no idea that I've spent practically my whole life working with my mother, and if my ma can't break me, no one can.



  1. ha ha,I love Seinfeld!

    And, I'm sorry to hear your being trained by a cake nazi. Maybe you'll find her all best recipes & put her out of business :P

  2. You know, a cake training montage would have been a great addition to any comedy show. Look to the right and look to the left. One of the cakemakers will drop out by the end of the ten weeks. If they survive. If they're both here, you won't be. But by the time you leave here you'll be able to flat ice a wedding cake while disarming a bomb!

  3. I would have really copped the nazi an attitude. Im with Lin on this one...hahahaha.

  4. Does'nt she sound like a pleasure! I would just smile at her like an idiot all day or at least throw a cupcake at her! bring out the worst in me.!lol! you will be okay. Take care i will be thinking about you.

  5. Great post! Your ma sounds like mine. My mom used to say "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". Little did she know...

  6. Boy, if you can be a bitch while MAKING FRIGGIN' CAKE, you're a new breed of uber-bitch.

  7. LOL LOL!

    God, that sounds like a total pain in the ass. ><

  8. Good Lord!

    NO cake for her! ONE YEAR!

    Good for you for not letting her break you, girl.

    :-D Anna

  9. You're brave. I would have peed my pants. And then I would have ran out.

  10. Lin: How about we spay her, give her some warm milk & biscuits, and let her be free.

    John Smith: JP, I know that's you. Stop it now!!

    Stef: I did, believe me, many times over the course of the 10 weeks. It didn't work.

    Cinner: I actually got her with some chocolate icing one day, and she was not happy.

    T&D Girl: You should go back and read my promo post.

  11. Chris: Uber-bitch, alright!

    Rica: She was a pain in my everything.

    Anna: I wouldn't even dare try to take cake away from her. She'd kill me with her spatula.

    Nikki: I got the peeing your pants thing covered. I wear Depends. lol j/k

  12. Heeeeey, I'm not naughty! Actually, I am, but I religiously read everything my lovely JB writes! Have lots of visitors over this month so have been a bit absentee, but I'll soon be back to stalk you relentlessly, my sweet!


  13. @Anna...xxoxoxo where's my invitation to your home...I feel left out.

    Love you lots

  14. JB - I see I have made you feel insecure, so let me assure you that you are my number 1 gal, my little Canadian, cake-baking munchkin!! The invitation is always there. xxxxxxxx

    PS. Now I'm off to check out John Smith.. Think I've stumbled in on his blog before.... ..and seem to remember liking it.

  15. There's nothing worse than a cake nazi. Cake is supposed to be fun and light and happy.

    I'd probably have to have a cocktail before work

  16. Hahaha.. nice story...
    JB I almost feel like your blog shud be made into a book...
    its filled with TOO many great stories like this...

    "your experiences in the food industry" ..or a title better than that! :)

    Anyways.. thanks for stopping by at my blog...but NO i havent forgotten you..!!
    How can i??!!

    How have u been?

  17. Who doesn't know about the soup nazi? I predict you'll be the best of friends in 10 weeks. She's just seeing what you're made of. Make sure she knows it's sugar and spice and balls of steel.

  18. 1. in my other life i'm a cake decorator. I'm kinda jealous you are doing this. Best of luck :) I'm proud of you

    2. That CN lady is a waste of time. Ignore her, just do your best and learn as much as you can. This is going to end soon; you wont even notice the time.

    3. working with family is the worst thing, If you survived that, then you'll survive anything. SO I aggree with you.

    4. I never watched Seinfield and I know I should. Everyone is asking me to watch it.

    5. You see I talk too much, so i'm going to stop. LOL


  19. Sounds horrible, in your usual, inimitable, hilarious way. (I'm still laughing about your family's reaction when you told them you were going to work in a bakery.)

    Hang in there with the new job!

  20. JB,
    Funny. I agree with your last sentiment. Parents unknowingly prepare their children for Cake Nazis and the like. In both our cases, our mothers!

    Interesting site.
    Bring Back Pluto
    "ONE of THE GUYS"


Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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