Friday, July 31, 2009

Customer of the Week: Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Guy

Like most days in the bakery, I was busy decorating cakes last Saturday, and everything was going great. Well, at least until I happened to glance up to see the man from hell coming my way. I swear, this guy is the long lost cousin of Satan. He shows up pretty much every Saturday and walks straight into the bakery asking for oatmeal raisin cookies. Obviously, only employees are allowed in the bakery, and, more importantly, only employees wearing the proper headgear, aka a hairnet. They're so sexy, I think I might get one in every colour... NOT!

Anyway, in walks Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Guy (ORCG), and so begins our Saturday morning routine.

Me: Sir, I'm sorry, but you're not allowed back here.

ORCG: I want oatmeal raisin cookies, fresh, today only.

Me: Sir, please step around to the other side of the counter.

ORCG: (walking out of the bakery) OK, now you give me fresh oatmeal raisin cookies.

Me: (how about a slap upside the head?) As I told you before sir, we no longer pack oatmeal raisin cookies on their own. We only have the mixed family pack. You get two rows of oatmeal raisin & one row of chocolate chip.

ORCG: I want oatmeal raisin cookies from today.

Me: Sir, the cookies were made yesterday, so they are still quite fresh, but they only come packed with the chocolate chip cookies.

ORCG: So, you do not have oatmeal raisin cookies for me?

Me: (WTF, am I speaking Chinese or something?) Yes, we do, but not packed on their own, sir. Again, they only come in mixed family packs.

ORCG: (nothing, just staring at me)

Me: Sir?

ORCG: Why can't you open two family packs, and then put all of the oatmeal raisin cookies into one?

Me: (I wish I could so I could get you out of my face) I'm sorry, but we are not allowed to do that, sir. It's against store policy.

ORCG: Why? I'm still going to pay.

Me: I understand, sir, but we can't open a package once it has been sealed.

ORCG: (again, just staring at me)

Me: (nothing, just staring right back at him, and trying hard not to laugh because his face was going red, and I couldn't stop thinking about how crazy it was that a grown man was this adamant about having a pack of just oatmeal raisin cookies)

ORCG: (calmly, but looking like his head might explode) I want oatmeal raisin cookies... only.

Me: (OK, seriously, dude, you need help) I'm sorry, sir. You can always talk to the store director about this.

ORCG: I will!!

Don't I know it, I thought to myself, as he turned around and walked away in a big huff in search of the store director. Meanwhile, I went back to decorating the cake I'd been working on before he showed up.

I'm not sure how much time went by, but I was deep in the cake zone when I heard the store director say my name.

Director: Hey, JB.

Me: (walking up to the counter) Is everything OK?

Director: What the hell is with that guy is all I have to say.

Me: I know, seriously.

Director: I told him the policy on family pack cookies and he yelled at me.

Me: I tried to tell him too, but he won't listen. I swear he comes here every week just to see how far he can go before I snap, not because he really wants those damn cookies.

Director: He said he's going to another store.

Me: Oh, sure he is, but he'll be back. He told me once before that he's been coming here for years and that this is his store.

Director: (starting to walk away from the counter) God, help us all. I really need to go home and have a drink.

Yeah, and I need to get the f**k out of this business before I go postal, I thought to myself as I watched him head back to his office.

JB

31 comments:

  1. LOL - I am rolling on the floor right now. ORCG sounds like a real prize!

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  2. Just curious, was this guy blue and fuzzy with big bulgy eyes?

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  3. yeah, what the fuck is with people not understanding (especially in a chain store) that you can't do things like that?


    and if you were to bend the rules and risk getting in trouble, why would you want to do it for an asshole?

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  4. Funny! To quote Arnold... and the cookie guy...
    I'll be back!

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  5. man oh man. maybe you should bake him a 'special' batch?!?!?!

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  6. What a nut! I'm so happy your store director supported you, though. I hate when they cave and then the customer comes back all smug. "See? You HAVE to do it."

    Not this time, buddy!

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  7. Just a little thought. if he comes there every Saturday and for years bought these cookies on their own, it looks like a certain routine. Maybe he is not a total nut on a mission to annoy you all. Maybe, he is an autistic person who has no social skills, cannot understand and deal with the change in the store policy and just is not able to break from the routine which is very, very frustrating for him? If it is the case, he will be back...

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  8. Sweet Jesus!! You seem to attract almost as many weirdos as I do! Only you're quite lucky as it's at work, whereas I tend to date them.

    Love ya, my little Canadian munchkin!

    Anna
    xx

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  9. Your people skills are way too good. I think I would have curled into the fetal position on the ground midway through that conversation hahah

    Not sure which is worse, the deli or the bakery! LOL

    loveee xoxo

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  10. @Travel....he's the prize that's huge pain in my ass.

    Huggs
    JB

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  11. @Peach...if only he was just an asshole....lololol. He's a repeat asshole.

    Huggs
    JB

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  12. Miss Stefanie.....I'd feed you the cookies myself but him not so much love. You can have my cookies anytime.

    Love Ya
    JBxox

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  13. @Chris.....I really need a hair cut minus the cookies please. If he was blue and fuzzy I would have given him anything he wanted but not so much.


    Love
    JBxoxo

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  14. @Miss Chief...losing my job over him funny stuff but having him badger me once a week priceless to say the least...F**king chain stores and they're stupid rules....!!!!!

    Huggs
    JB

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  15. @Catlady...thanks for stopping in and leaving a comment. As for Arnold I'm sure he'd punch this guys cookies out of him.

    Huggs
    JB

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  16. @Shadow...maybe I should make him a batch of special special cookies laced with well!!! you know......love.

    Love You
    JBxoxo

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  17. Chrissy...I think my store director is at the end of his rope these days. As for me well you'd have to hit me with cake to make me bend over and break...lololol. F**k that rhyme's.

    Love you
    JBxoxo

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  18. @Libertine...I realized that maybe this man's issues go far beyond what's normal but I usually notice things like that. I've left you a comment explaining it better on your blog love. Don't think that I'm mean to everyone that runs a muck at my counter lolololol. Sometimes people are just plain stupid.

    Love You
    JBxoxo

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  19. @Anna...Sweet Jesus love!!! trust me I've been on a few dates lately that make this guy seem normal. I just try to keep my dating hellish nightmares for me but maybe I will start blogging about them soon. I promise it's just not you love it's also me.

    Love you
    JBxox

    Maybe this is a sign from the cookie gods we should just go for it lololol....

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  20. @Katie.....I'm still trying to figure that one out myself!!!!

    Nice to see you drop in my love. I will bake you some cookies someday sooner then later ok.

    Love You lots
    JBxoxox

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  21. I can not laugh with like a couple of other commenters. As a teacher, I deal with postal parents who feel their little angles deserve an A for doing Jack work. Most of my grades are A's and B's. I am not a hard ass. Folks like this asshole just make everyone seem crazy!! You should be allowed to ban him from the store. And, I should be able to ban the ass hole parents from my school!!! How about we can vote one person out of America a week like on survivor??

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  22. I definitely did see that you have my cat!!! I love that you profiled me for the week. Your a sweet heart. I left you a message on your previous post earlier this evening :-)

    You will see the cookie ass again next week. Screw with him making boxes with 2 rows of cc and only one row of oatmeal raisin!!! This will blow him away.

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  23. @hit40.......you want this guy to take me out don't you. I think he will blow up if we do that but you know I'm up for a good old fashioned experiment.

    Let the cookies fall where they fall and we will see who left standing in the end me or him.....lololol. Enjoy your week on my blog.

    Huggs alot
    Jbxoxo

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  24. LOL!! I think I know that ORCG dude. You have to wonder how people can bring themselves to behave this way...and I have to agree with Chris's thought--was he blue and fuzzy with big bulgy eyes??

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  25. @Angela....if only he was blue and fuzzy love at least then I would know what his problem was. Thanks for dropping in on me much appreciated. I found some stuff online for us Canadians but not free stuff. I will come back and check your site for updates.

    Huggs
    JB

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  26. I don't think you are mean at all, lol. This guy just kind of fits the standard, so I blurted what I thought. I 'm not saying there are no as***oles at all (god help I met enough of those who just take pleasure in making people miserable lol), there are more of them than the good ones.

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  27. @libertine...no worries but I know what you meant. I have taken into consideration if this guys has underlying issues like OCD or autism but I think he's a huge pain in the butt because he used to come to the deli and do it us there.

    At the deli his thing was he wanted us to start a new piece of whatever he was going to buy even if it had just been opened this is where I think the OCD comes in lololol.

    Libertine without these people the world would be boring in a strange way. They remind us that it takes alot of people to make up this world.


    Huggs
    JB

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  28. This does explain a lot, maybe OCD lol. Obviously things and people look different when you read about them rather than meet eye to eye. Even easier to restrain to poke that opposite eye out when they are such a pain in the neck :)

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  29. Don't you just love it when people pay attention?

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Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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