Customer of the Week: Cross Dressing Santa

The other day, I was busy flat icing cakes, completely bored out of my freakin' mind, when Christmas came early… sort of. I was by myself at the time, so I had to keep one eye on what I was doing, and the other looking out for customers in need of assistance. At one point, I glanced up, and coming towards the counter was an elderly gentleman who looked a lot like Santa, at least from the neck up. From the neck down, he was wearing a white, billowy button down shirt with a black bra underneath (I kid you not, people, I could see the straps on his shoulders because the top buttons on his shirt were undone) & a full length floral skirt. He was also carrying a cloth purse. Holy sh*t, it's not just Santa, but cross dressing Santa, I thought to myself. And, if that wasn't weird enough, when he reached the counter, he called out 'hello' to me in a voice that sounded a lot like Alvin from Alvin in the Chipmunks. It took all I had too keep a straight face as I made my way over to see what he wanted.

Me: Hi, how can I help you?

CDS: I'm looking for the gluten free bread that you had on that table (points over his shoulder) last week.

Me: Gluten free… we had that???

CDS: (excitedly) Oh, yes, it's my fave!

Me: (did he just say, 'fave'?) Oh…

CDS: It has the name of a man and woman on it.

Me: (racking my brain) Hmm…

CDS: Are you new here?

Me: Yes

CDS: (twirling his hair and batting his lashes) You have a lovely smile.

Me: (OMG, is he flirting with me?) Oh… thanks.

CDS: Do you like making cakes?

Me: Not really. It's kind of boring and it hurts my arm a lot.

CDS: (giggly) But it looks like so much fun!

Me: (nothing, just a vision of CDS decorating cakes in his white shirt and floral skirt flashing through my mind)

CDS: So, do you have any of that bread left?

Me: Let me call the girl who works with me and see if she knows what you're looking for.

CDS: Sure, OK.

I quickly paged Power Ranger to come save me from CDS, and I wish I'd had a camera to capture the look on her face when she showed up because it was positively priceless. I'm talking Master Card commercial worthy priceless.

Pwr Rngr: (looking at me totally wide-eyed, as if to say, WTF??) Hi… what's up?

Me: (doing my best not to laugh) This gentleman is looking for gluten free bread with a man and woman's name on the bag.

Pwr Rngr: Um, yeah, it's been moved to aisle one, the commercial bread aisle.

CDS: (super happy) Ooo, thanks for your help. You're both lovely!

Off he went in search of his gluten free bread, his skirt & shirt flowing out behind him like he was floating away on a cloud.

Pwr Rngr: Holy crap, was he wearing a bra?

Me: H*ll yeah, and I think his boobs where bigger then mine!

Pwr Rngr: OMG, that was weird.

Me: No weirder then the stripper with her pimp.

Pwr Rngr: Oh, yeah. I forget about those two.

Me: Yeah, and what about the lady with the goatee that scared the sh*t out of Superstar a couple of days ago?

Pwr Rngr: Hahahaha!!

Yup, folks, we get all kinds.

JB