Monday, September 28, 2009

Customer of the Week: Cross Dressing Santa

The other day, I was busy flat icing cakes, completely bored out of my freakin' mind, when Christmas came early… sort of. I was by myself at the time, so I had to keep one eye on what I was doing, and the other looking out for customers in need of assistance. At one point, I glanced up, and coming towards the counter was an elderly gentleman who looked a lot like Santa, at least from the neck up. From the neck down, he was wearing a white, billowy button down shirt with a black bra underneath (I kid you not, people, I could see the straps on his shoulders because the top buttons on his shirt were undone) & a full length floral skirt. He was also carrying a cloth purse. Holy sh*t, it's not just Santa, but cross dressing Santa, I thought to myself. And, if that wasn't weird enough, when he reached the counter, he called out 'hello' to me in a voice that sounded a lot like Alvin from Alvin in the Chipmunks. It took all I had too keep a straight face as I made my way over to see what he wanted.

Me: Hi, how can I help you?

CDS: I'm looking for the gluten free bread that you had on that table (points over his shoulder) last week.

Me: Gluten free… we had that???

CDS: (excitedly) Oh, yes, it's my fave!

Me: (did he just say, 'fave'?) Oh…

CDS: It has the name of a man and woman on it.

Me: (racking my brain) Hmm…

CDS: Are you new here?

Me: Yes

CDS: (twirling his hair and batting his lashes) You have a lovely smile.

Me: (OMG, is he flirting with me?) Oh… thanks.

CDS: Do you like making cakes?

Me: Not really. It's kind of boring and it hurts my arm a lot.

CDS: (giggly) But it looks like so much fun!

Me: (nothing, just a vision of CDS decorating cakes in his white shirt and floral skirt flashing through my mind)

CDS: So, do you have any of that bread left?

Me: Let me call the girl who works with me and see if she knows what you're looking for.

CDS: Sure, OK.

I quickly paged Power Ranger to come save me from CDS, and I wish I'd had a camera to capture the look on her face when she showed up because it was positively priceless. I'm talking Master Card commercial worthy priceless.

Pwr Rngr: (looking at me totally wide-eyed, as if to say, WTF??) Hi… what's up?

Me: (doing my best not to laugh) This gentleman is looking for gluten free bread with a man and woman's name on the bag.

Pwr Rngr: Um, yeah, it's been moved to aisle one, the commercial bread aisle.

CDS: (super happy) Ooo, thanks for your help. You're both lovely!

Off he went in search of his gluten free bread, his skirt & shirt flowing out behind him like he was floating away on a cloud.

Pwr Rngr: Holy crap, was he wearing a bra?

Me: H*ll yeah, and I think his boobs where bigger then mine!

Pwr Rngr: OMG, that was weird.

Me: No weirder then the stripper with her pimp.

Pwr Rngr: Oh, yeah. I forget about those two.

Me: Yeah, and what about the lady with the goatee that scared the sh*t out of Superstar a couple of days ago?

Pwr Rngr: Hahahaha!!

Yup, folks, we get all kinds.



  1. haha!

    Is this bakery in the Twilight Zone?

  2. @lin....funnier in person trust me.


  3. @bard...yes i was trying to keep it a secret oh...well secret's out.


  4. That is hilarious! At least you are entertained at work!

  5. @lee...for sure non stop entertainment all day long.


  6. wow. santa in a bra. you know, the voice just kind of took it from regular strange customer to kind of scary. i am frightened of that ...wo man? interesting how she was looking for the bread with the name that was a man's name and a woman's name. coincidence? i think not.

    by the way, i REALLY like that blogger you have up as blogger of the week. triple fisthead. she's awesome. and hot. and nice. but not too nice, you know?

  7. At this time of year he's the Anti-Santa. The real Santa might wear a bra for support, but he'd never be caught buying a loaf of 'health' bread.

  8. When I worked at Wal Mart, there was a cross-dressing guy who would come in every once in awhile. I swear, the dude was six and a half feet tall! He usually wore fishnets and mini skirts. And -- as if he needed to add more height -- three inch stilettos! I would kill to look that good!

  9. you work is the world's most interesting deli, and that's a fact!

  10. Sounds like some of the greatest people watching ever and kookiest characters.

  11. Oh. Wow.

    And by the way, what the hell is a gluten?

  12. 'tis the season to be jolly....


  13. Man, J.B. The title alone had me laughing at the top of my lungs. I didn't think anyone could top Strawberry Shortcake or Pat the She-Man, but I think CDS may be my new favorite.

  14. Lol lol. That is just out of this world!!!

  15. so rock my world. Enjoy the blog fame hahah.


  16. @Katie...welcome home from your trip. Hope you had a rocking good time. As for being in your life I'm here and it's going to be hard to get rid of me my little kangaroo lover!!!!! stopping in to see you tonight ok...

    love ya

  17. @canadu...dam right he's the anti santa.

    @breath...I wouldn't kill to look like CDS but maybe your cross dresser was more stylish.

    @Shadow...I know I feel blessed and so lucky that the stories I get to write come to me during my 10 hour shifts of insanity.

    @Peach....Oh f**k yeah and very amusing to say the least.

  18. OMG! I am cracking up in my office! How you held it together is beyond me! bwhahahahaha! The bra?!?!!? The skirt?!?!?!!? Oh. Shit. AND Alvin and the Chipmunk's voice??!?!?! Dying. I am absoultely dying!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. Imagine all the damage he has done to innocent children passing by him on the street. Santa in a dress. And a white blouse with a black bra? Seriously, who does that?

  20. JB get your butt over to my blog! I gave you an award and it's kind of a big deal!


Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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