Thursday, August 27, 2009

The New Girl - Pan(ic) Attack

It's been a week now since the New Girl started working with us, and all I can say is she's really special. I mean it, this girl has to be one of the most special people I have ever met. She's also going to be the death of me. I thought it was going to be cakes, but this girl is killing me slowly with her specialness. On my first day working with her, she was assigned "the breakout" (i.e. prep work for the next days bake), and managed to injure herself before she even got started. I was going on my dinner break at the time, so that meant I was going to be leaving her alone (not a good idea, as I have learned) for a little while.

Me: I'm going to eat now. You should have a good start on the breakout by the time I get back.

New Girl: (looking at the breakout list) The breakout is really big. I mean, look at all of this bread. There are 4 or 5 kinds!

Me: Yeah, there’s a lot to do, but you should be able to finish it all by the time your shift is over.

New Girl: I actually don’t like doing it.

Me: (too bad, so sad) I know it's not exactly fun, but it has to be done.

New Girl: But I...

Me: (calm, JB, calm) I'll be back soon.

Before she could say another word, I turned away from her and took off for the lunchroom. When I got there, the night manager was seated at the table.

Night Mngr: Hi, JB, how's it going?

Me: Good, but what's with teenagers these days?

Night Mngr: Beats the sh*t out of me.

Me: (pulling out a chair to sit down) Man, that new girl is something else. She…

Suddenly, the store speaker crackled, and then we heard: Manager to the bakery, please. Manager to the bakery, please.

Night Mngr: (looking at me) Didn't you just leave there only two minutes ago?

Me: (f**king New Girl!!!!!!!!) I'll be right back.

Off I went to the bakery. When I walked in, there was the New Girl with a hand over her mouth.

Me: (God, what now?) You paged me?

New Girl: (sulking) Yeah, I'm bleeding.

Me: What? Where?

New Girl: My mouth. Look (pulling down her bottom lip to show me the inside), right here.

Me: (wtf, did she seriously call me back here for this?) How did you do that?

New Girl: I hit myself in the face with a pan.

Me: (WTF?) You what?? How?

New Girl: When I pulled the pan out, it slipped in my hand and hit me.

Me: (she hit herself with the pan... hahahahaa!!) OK, so you called me here because you bit your lip when you hit yourself?

New Girl: (totally serious) I need to file an accident report. I'm bleeding and the nerve in my tooth could die!

Me: (Holy God in Heaven, are you f**king kidding me??) You just bit your lip. You'll be OK.

New Girl: (pulling down her lip again) Look, JB, it's swollen.

Me: (it will be if I get my hands on you) Nah, it's not that bad.

New Girl: But…

Me: I'm going back to my dinner now. Finish the breakout (before I f**king grab that pan and beat you with it), and be careful.

Back in the lunchroom, I told the night manager all about New Girl's pan(ic) attack, and the poor woman just about choked on her meal because she was laughing so hard.

Me: I think this chick just might be the death of me.

Night Mngr: If she doesn't kill herself first. Hahahahaha!!!!

Me: Yeah, seriously.

I mean, better her than me, right?



  1. lol, I know she sucks to work with but I love the stories!

  2. Holy Shit! I am laughing so hard right now. I thought I was working with a stupid person (see my blog post from Tuesday), but your girl takes the cake (shit - no pun intended).

  3. Move her ass to the deli department and put her in charge of the spinning blade thing!

  4. You must have nerves of steel. Don't you wonder what the rest of the family is like? just a thought.

  5. http://www.chrishokeblog.comThursday, August 27, 2009 6:00:00 PM

    Perhaps killing you is her... (puts on sunglasses) ...specialty.


    You've got the patience of a saint, JB, although at some point I'm sure that even Mother Theresa would have beaten this new girl to within an inch of her life with a rolling pin. So you're, like, some kind of super-saint.

    I agree with Mr. Condescending: Leave her and the whirling blade machine alone in the deli and let her and Darwin work this thing out.

  6. @Lin....the stories are good and trust me I wait for her to open her mouth. your post from tuesday and you've got yourself a keeper also.

    Mr. C.....they don't want her in the!!!!

    @Cinner....I'm on it love. Soon you'll have a profile of her.

    @Chris......happy I can make you laugh. As for the rolling pin not yet but soon very soon.

    @Stef...LMAO too in a crazy way she keeps things interesting. for sure....and wtf!!!!

  7. @Shadow....we only have really dull bread knives. Maybe a cake in the face would be better for her.


  8. hahaha.....

    I love how your life is filled with these stories!!!

    Love it ..!!

    - indi

  9. Omg.. this made me laugh so hard I almost peed in my pants.. :D hahahaa.. sorry too much information but still, great writing :D The girl sounds as special as I sometimes cam be.. haven't hit myself with a pan, yet.. but I have walked into lamp post.. into a tree.. and drove my bicycle into a brick wall..

    Don't ask how! :)
    Great blog you have got here!
    I'm following and putting you in my blogroll!

    Take care and hoping to hear new advenures for you! :)


  10. @Indi...lolol thanks Indi. I think we all have stories in our lives. For me I just think about people all the time and why they do what they do....I don't know if that's really a good thing but it makes for great story telling. Hope all is well love....thinking of you all the time.

    Huggs alot

  11. @Peach....Yeah she is a bit of a wimp but man that pan really got the best of her lolol.

    @Ingrid...please don't pee yourself over me. Thanks for dropping in and leaving me a comment. The new girl is very special.

    @Alpha...Yupppp sucks for her but good for me. She makes for great stories.

  12. This is exactly why I became numb to new hires - no one has any work ethic any more! SAD!

    Great story!

  13. @Melissa....thanks a lot for dropping in on me. Yes, your right it's really sad that work ethics are not instilled in the youth of today like when I first started to work. I'm not saying all youths but for the most part from what I've been exposed to, it's rare to find these days.

    I love your blog very much it's so beautiful and very well put together.... you've got a new fan in me.


  14. Although I'm a bit of a space cadet myself, it continues to amaze me how some people have no common sense at all! At least they provide us with fun things to talk about. I left you a little something over at How to Become a Cat Lady.

  15. Man, now everytime I see Strawberry Shortcake I'm gonna laugh my ass off.

  16. how funny. I can say i have worked with people like that and all you can do is take a deep breath and be happy YOU are not THEM!!!

    I had a girl tell me once that if I called someone from my cell phone while i was in another state .... that it would show up on their phone (like caller id would say the state i was in) ..... REALLY? d-u-m-b-a-s-s!!!


Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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