Monday, July 13, 2009

What's Up With Pregnant Women & Parking Spots??

Today I'm going to share a story from back when I first started blogging. I was still in the restaurant biz then, and somehow I had more time to blog than I do now. Go figure.

(Original post date: Thursday, August 7th, 2008)

I really thought that today would be business as usual for me. I went to run some errands & do some other mundane stuff. Yup, pretty boring for a Thursday, until I decided to go to the grocery store to buy some soft drinks (that's pop or soda, for those of you wondering what the h*ll I'm talking about). They were on sale, so I bought ten cases (stop wondering who drinks ten cases of soft drinks... it's for work, not for me). OK, but I am getting ahead of myself, so let me back up to when we (my mom was with me) pulled into the grocery store parking lot. I saw that it wasn't busy, so I decided that I would park as close as I could to the door. The shorter the distance that I had to push two shopping carts full of heavy soft drink cases, the better is what I was thinking. Obviously, that wasn't my first time buying ten cases of soft drinks all at once, so that's how I knew it would take two carts to bring the cases out to the car.

Anyway, as I was saying, I wanted to park close by, so I decided to park in a spot meant for pregnant women, the third one from the end, just in case an expecting mom needed to be closer to the door than me. Better than taking a spot reserved for someone with a disability was my thought. I also made sure that the three designated spots on the other side of the lot where empty. I took the whole pregnant lady thing seriously, thinking CYA (cover your ass).

About 15 minutes later, I was in the checkout line with my ten cases of soft drinks, and I was greeted by a cashier, a young guy who looked like he just fell of a banana boat. Heck, even his t-shirt had bananas on it.

Cashier: (noticing my ten cases) Miss, it's only 3 cases per family.

Me: (as politely as possible) I'm actually buying some for 2 other families (just a wee white lie) who can't drive.

Cashier: Cool, dude

Me: Pardon, cool who?

Cashier: You, dude.

Me: (trying not to laugh) Listen, (do you see a bong hanging off of my purse, dude, I thought to myself) can you please ring this through? I'm in a rush.

Cashier: Sure, dude.

It was obvious that he didn't have two brain cells left to rub together, and thank God for checkout scanners because I don't think he could count to ten.

After I finished, I went ahead to the car while my mother was having her items rung up by the cashier. As I was loading the soft drink cases into the trunk, I heard the most annoying voice start chattering away. I looked up, and there was a pregnant woman holding a bag full of ice cream (it was on sale, 3 cartons for 5 bucks) waving a finger at me.

Pregnant Woman: You know this spot is reserved for pregnant women.

Me: (nothing, I just looked at her and her wagging finger)

Pregnant Woman: This spot is reserved for pregnant women.

Me: Yes, Mam, I heard you the first time.

Pregnant Woman: You are not pregnant.

Me: Did the ten cases of soft drinks give me away?

Needless to say, that remark didn't go over well.

Pregnant Woman: (yelling) You know, pregnant women need their parking spots too!

On and on she went. I felt like Charlie Brown listening to his teacher wah, wah, wah away at me.

Me: (interrupting her) Why are you yelling at me?

Pregnant Woman: Excuse me?

Me: (this is what you get for yelling, Miss Thing) Instead of giving me a lecture about parking, why don't you help me put my stuff in my car?

Pregnant Woman: (nothing, just totally stunned that I just said that to her)

Me: Look around you. All of the other spots designated for pregnant women are empty. You're yelling at me about parking here, but you parked your car in a regular spot beside those empty ones designated for pregnant women. Does that make any sense?

Obviously, it didn't matter if it made any sense because she got super pissed off, and proceeded to call me names in a voice that got increasingly shrill with each nasty word that came out of her mouth. Frankly, she should have saved her breath because I couldn't make out a damn that thing she was saying at that insanely high speed frequency to begin with. The whole thing was so unreal, it was hysterical, and I started laughing. Even after she got in her car, slammed the door, and took off, I was still laughing. Meanwhile, my mother had walked out of the grocery store just in time to hear the end of pregnant lady's little tirade & watch her zoom away.

Mother: What's going on, JB? Who's that lady that drive out of here like a crazy?

Me: She's pregnant, ma. She thinks I took her parking spot.

Mother: What you taking about? (pointing toward all the empty parking spaces) Look all the place she can park close by.

Me: I know, ma.

Mother: I think having baby making her go crazy.

Yeah, note to self, don't piss off a pregnant woman who just went to the grocery store to buy ice cream.

JB

39 comments:

  1. JB thats hilarious...I think some people just wake up bitchy!Maybe she should have turned that frown of hers into a smile!. Take care, cinner

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  2. lmfao! I just love your stories! I could sit here all night and just listen to you tell em to me! lmfao!

    "Yeah, note to self, don't piss off a pregnant woman who just went to the grocery store to buy ice cream."

    Word!

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  3. That's pretty bold of her to assume you're not pregnant, I mean she doesn't know that. And maybe she didn't park in those empty spots because she's not pregnant. She's just fat.

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  4. @cinner...she must have fell right out of her bed that morning b/c she just had it out for me and my soft drinks. Thanks for stopping in.

    Huggs
    JB

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  5. Miss Stef...thanks I would love to tell you my stories face to face, you'd totally love me. I swear I'm way funnier in person. Thanks for always stopping in and checking up on my crazy life.

    Love You Lots
    JB

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  6. @Jeff...you took the words right out of my mouth.....that's what I thought when I first saw her lolololol. God I hate angry women.

    Huggs
    JB

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  7. I am in an office full of pregnant women, here in the Middle East the AVERAGE family size is 7.9 ... not sure whether the .9 comes from (maybe small children).

    Anyway, they have their fair share of fighting over chocolate and donuts and, like your lady, sometimes their voices are so shrill that only dolphins can hear them!

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  8. Lol, this story is a proof of my husband's theory on the decrease of IQ in pregnant women. The bigger you are the lower your IQ, the kids take not only your nutrients, but also intelligence. It continues till the kid goes to the nursery when the women start to regain a bit of their intelligence.

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  9. JB, never EVER mess with pregnant laydees! I am, as you know, a sweet little Swede, but when I was preggers I turned into some kind of demon that my Ex lovingly referred to as an inbred redneck with a penchant for violence.

    Hilarious post though!

    Love you!

    Anna
    xx

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  10. THAT is hysterical!

    Kudos to you for pointing out the empty spots. I'm not sure how I would've handled it in the same situation. But I LOVE it.

    Thanks for the morning chuckle. Now I'm gonna hunt out those spots allday....

    :-)

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  11. You should have told her that you just got back from the doctor's office and the test was positive!

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  12. You should've just said, "Hey, who are you to tell me I'm NOT pregnant? We don't all gain 100 pounds, you know. Some of us actually stay in shape."

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  13. Eternally......lolololo this is the funniest thing I've read lololol......poor dolphins.

    their voices are so shrill that only dolphins can hear them!

    Thanks for dropping in your too funny.

    Huggs
    JB

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  14. @libertine.....lololo you guys are cracking me up. I just couldn't believe she got so mad at me holy crap I left a ton of spaces just in case....lolol.

    Huggs
    JB

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  15. @anna...you can be rough on me anytime you naughty little swed. I'd fight in the parking lot with you for that spot just because ...lolol. Hope your good and monkey is keeping you on your toes my love.

    LoveYou
    JB

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  16. F8....be very careful on your hunt these ladies have attitude....lolool...thanks for dropping by . Have a good day and happy hunting.

    Huggs
    JB

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  17. @chrissy...yeah good one be but she was on me faster then I could say positive or your hot lady calm down. Hope all is well my favorite stripper.

    Love
    JB

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  18. @Chris...your the man and getting slapped in the face by a women wasn't on my list of errands that day. As for getting slapped by a women been there done that and mmmmm!!! actually like it . Thanks Chris I'll keep this in mind for next time buddy.

    Love
    JB

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  19. that was hysterical! However, I was INCREDIBLY distracted my JUMPING ANTICS on the side of your page.


    sigh. Those were the days.

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  20. @Vodka Mom....thanks for coming by and taking a little look at my blog and your very welcome....ENJOY.

    Huggs
    JB

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  21. @Mrs. Tantra.....lololol you should have been there. Thanks for stopping in on my little world. Hope to see you often.

    Huggs
    JB

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  22. Don't you love getting yelled at by strangers?? Some obnoxious drunk girl went off on one of my best friends at a concert for "taking her spot"....even though we were all standing in the lawn with no assigned seats. Classy!! ;)

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  23. @lindsay.....don't you just love the yellers of nothing at all. Hey nice to here from you. I hope your well and happy with all things lindsay. I'll come by to say hey ok. Take really good care of yourself ok.

    Love
    JB

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  24. Dude! I kid. I never got pissy about that when I was pregnant unless it was the punk ass 19 year old kid who parked in the preggo parking lot the weekend after Thanksgiving and I was 8 months pregnant and HUGE. That boy nearly died that day.

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  25. @Vanessa...thanks for dropping in and telling me that you didn't kill that boy...lolol. Eight months Eh!!!!and you held out your amazing.

    Take Care
    JB

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  26. this was a great morning story for me, thanls.
    1. The casher probably calls his grand-ma "dude". I also doubt he can count to ten.
    2. that crazy lady was probably having a bad day. My sister always parked at the Pregnant spots. I once asked her what would she says if she got caught or met a crazy lady like you did. She replied "I'll tell them I'm 2 months pregnant, they cant verify that because there is no big belly" LOL

    Have a great week-end :)
    Bisous

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  27. This is too funny! I was pregnant, and I can see the funny side to BOTH sides! LOL!!!

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  28. I have never even SEEN these! So wish they had them around when I was preggers! But man...some people!

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  29. That's a hilarious story. Laughing was definitely the way to go. I would have quickly drawn her a pie chart indicating the amount of spaces taken up by yourself versus the open space. Then an accompanying pie chart explaining the real inconvenience she was experiencing (tiny wedge) versus the perceived or "imaginary" inconvenience (rest of pie).

    I don't go anywhere without my pie charts.

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  30. The great thing is no one can disprove you are pregnant. You can always say you got an abortion if they see you later, event hat you were on your way there. If you are a man this works, too, and the idiot harassing you will feel doubly stupid. I AM NOT A MAN. I AM A PREGNANT WOMAN! It does get a few stares, but I'm used to that by now.

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  31. She surely must have been having ice cream withdrawals.

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  32. @lazy...I love your sister but this women caught me off guard. I was just so in awe!!! with her nutty behavior that I just let her rip. I knew that I was going to get a good story out of it lololo.

    Have a great week-end :)
    Bisous

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  33. @Carole...thanks for dropping in on my crazy world. I love to see new people reading my posts. Well she was aching for ice cream so I just let here yell at me thinking when she got home she'd realize how freaking nuts she was.

    Huggs
    JB

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  34. @kati......thanks for coming by and leaving me a comment. Well if you ever get the chance to see these spots remember this story and approach all women with child carefully.....lolol.

    Take Good Care
    JB

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  35. @Chris....if only she needed a pie chart. This women was off the charts with her yelling at me. I just wanted to throw ice cream at her. Thanks for the comment super funny and I will try to bring pie charts with me the next time.

    Huggs
    JB

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  36. @John...hahahhaah awesome comment. I should have yelled at her "not all us gain 120 pounds when where preggers lady so f**k off"...lololol but she had blood coming out of her eyes so I backed off in case she wanted to take a piece out of me. Thanks for coming by.

    Cheers
    JB

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  37. @Peach....she may have been having more then just ice cream withdrawals at the rate she was going on at me. Thanks for stopping in and leaving me a comment.

    Huggs
    JB

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Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment. Check back for my response and/or Eddy's. We love hearing from you! Peace, JB (blog owner) and Eddy ("super great cuz" & frequent guest blogger)

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