Food for Thought: Priority vs Option

Hi Everyone,

I'm sharing some food for though today that I think is very powerful. I don't know about all of you, but the older I get, the less patience I have for people who see nothing wrong with coming around only when they need something... when it suits them... when they have no one else. In fact, I consciously make a point of staying away from people who treat me this way, and that is why the following quote by Mark Twain really struck a chord with me.

Why should I go out of my way to be there for people, to do things for people, who treat me like an option? Nope, I'm done with that crap!

Relationships are about give and take, so don't do all the giving, and don't do all the taking.

I deserve better, just as you deserve better if you often find yourself in the "option" position of a relationship. Stick with people who also take time out to make you a "priority" because they will be there for you through the good, the bad, the whatever, just as you will be there for them. They won't only come around when they have no other option.


Until next time,

Eddy

Food for Thought: The Easiest Thing...

Hi All,

Have any of you seen that show "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC? For those who haven't, it's about brides searching for their perfect wedding dress and just how hard it is to decide on a gown, especially when the friends and family they've brought along to help all have their own opinion about what the bride should be wearing. It's not a show I usually watch, so I've only seen a handful of episodes, but you wouldn't believe some of the comments coming form the bridal peanut gallery. Sheesh!

Anyway, I happened to catch part of an episode the other day and this bride was trying so hard to please her mother and her fiance, it was just ridiculous. I actually found the fiance to be worse than her mother. He was way too controlling about the style. Thankfully, the owner of the shop took it upon herself to send him on his way so that the bride could think straight and finally settle on a gown. After all, the bride is the one who has to love and wear the dress, not her fiance or her mother or any other overly opinionated member of the bridal peanut gallery!

This week's food for thought is a reminder to stay true to you and be yourself.

Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.

Until next time,

Eddy

Food for Thought: If Friendship is Your Weakest Point...

Hi All,

Think about the strongest person you know? I'm talking mentally & emotionally, not physically. Who comes to mind? For me, it's my mother, hands down. She's been through a lot in her lifetime, and she's always there whenever I need someone to be strong for me when it seems like things are falling apart. Now, if you know me, this isn't all that often. Usually, I just take control of a situation and handle it. There are times, however, where situations simply can't be controlled and all you can do is just let things be.

Anyway, when I came across the quote I'm sharing will all of you today, it really got me. You see, when you're the type of person who usually takes care of everything on your own, you don't often find yourself asking people for help. I don't rely on others very much because I was brought up to be self-sufficient. So, in many ways, this makes friendship one of my weakest points. Although, ironically, I have always been the go-to person for a lot of people when they need help because I seem very capable to them. Funny how that all works out, huh?

Let me know your thoughts by leaving a comment below.

Until next time,

Eddy

On the Mend

For 3 months I’ve left all of you hanging in blog oblivion without a single bit of information, but today it’s time for catch up with JB.

If you read my post OMG, I’m a Mess! – Part Four, then you might remember me telling you that I was going to need surgery. Well, after a bunch of rescheduling, I finally went under the knife and I’m feeling much better. The physiotherapy is tough, but its part of the recovery process and it’s going to be a while before my arm is 100% again, if at all. I definitely can’t go back to doing the same kind of work anymore because it’s the overuse, the repetitive motion day in and day out, that caused the problem to begin with.

Speaking of work, I’ve now been off for 5 months, which is a really long time for someone who’s always worked, but it’s made me realize that I don’t like my place of employment. It’s not that I don’t like my job (well, except the caking making part, I really don’t like it), I just don’t like the working environment. It’s just not a happy place. So, combined with the fact that I can’t do the same labour intensive work anymore, anyway -- I’m looking for a new career. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I do know that I will not continue to bust my a** for a company that doesn’t care about its employees.

You see, after everything that I’ve been through these last few months, I know that I’ve done myself a huge disservice by not taking care of myself. We work for a living, but if we’re killing ourselves to get the job done, we’re not living, we’re dying. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be doing pretty damn great when I actually reach retirement. I want to enjoy the years I have left, instead of being so broken down physically and mentally (not to mention emotionally and spiritually) that I can hardly function.

So, for anyone who understands where I’m coming from and is just as scared and totally overwhelmed as I am at the idea of making a change for the better, let’s feel the fear and do it anyway.

Who’s with me?

JB

In Pursuit of Happiness

I know its been a few weeks between posts. Eddy's been super busy and I've been super dizzy, so we are just now able to sit down together and update you guys on what happened after my visit with the clinic doctor.

Since my diagnosis went so very well (uh, not!), I thought I'd get the h*ll out of dodge. I took ten days off work and went to spend time with the Russian thinking that the change of scenery would make me feel better.

Well, three days into my splendid vacation I was sucked full force into the world of dizzy and having a h*ll of a time trying to find my way out. The Russian started pumping me full of herbal remedies straight from her grandmother's old book of family recipes. The stuff tasted like sh*t, but I think some of it actually worked a little bit. I certainly appreciated her care and attention. At least she wasn't using Google!

Anyway, seeing as the Russian was not on vacation, I spent most of those ten days off by myself and did a lot of thinking about my life. Actually, thinking is all I've been doing pretty much for months now -- thinking about where I'm at, what I'm doing, what I want, etc, etc -- and I've realized that I don't really know where I want to be or what I want to be doing. I know I hate my job, which is hard for me to even admit, but I admit it. I thought it was my manager because I just don't get along with her, but this really is a case of "it's me, not you" -- or, I guess it's me, not her.

Anyway, I think you know what I mean. Bottom line, my free time spent spinning all the livelong day has made me take a good hard look at myself, and the question that's been nagging at me is this:

How do I get to a place that makes sense for me and is actually real, versus just imagined in my mind?

My job is not going to define me, nor is what I own or the people I surround myself with. And, no matter how many excuses I come up with, the only person impeding on my growth is me. I cannot blame my mother, sister, boss, God or anyone or anything else. If I want to be happy, I need to start making choices that make me happy and not everyone else. I need to follow through on everything that I want to do, no excuses, and to take my health more seriously. This is the only way I will ever reach that place where my SELF can be fulfilled.

Are you guys feelin' me? Not literally because that would be weird, but you get where I am coming from, people?

I'd appreciate your feedback.

Over and out,

JB

Hello, hello. I'm at a place called Vertigo.

If only I were in a club having a couple of drinks and listening to blaring music. At least I could go home knowing that the way I was feeling could be cured with some Tylenol and sleep.

Anyway....

I was thinking that I should probably go back to the beginning of how I started out on the path of being diagnosed with my condition, so I'm going tell you guys about my visit to the local clinic. It's a really special story, and you know that I don't mean that in a good way.

It all started back in January, I woke up one day feeling a little dizzy, but I didn't think much of it because I'm always exhausted. When four days passed and I was still dizzy, I thought maybe I was coming down with something. Since my family doctor was away on vacation at the time, I went to the local clinic to get checked out. The clinic doctor asked me various questions and concluded that I had a head cold. Seeing as I've had head colds before, I wasn't really convinced, so I asked her why I felt so dizzy. She then told me she'd like to try a few tests.

Clinic Doctor: I'd like you to stand up and touch your finger to your nose, alternating with your left and right hand.

Me: (trying, but failing miserably) I can't.

CD: Alright, quickly turn your entire body left then right.

Me: (trying, but failing miserably... again) I can't.

CD: Okay, just turn your head quickly to the left then right.

Me: (seriously, woman!) No, I'm too dizzy.

CD: Alright, have a seat and compose yourself. I'm going to consult with another doctor. Be right back.

Me: (gee, that's reassuring...) Sure, I'll be here.

Out of the room she went. When she came back about 15 minutes later, she told me that she wanted to rule out an ear infection, and then proceeded to shine a light in my ears.

CD: Hmm...

Me: (hmm??) What do you see?

CD: (now flashing her little light in my eyes and just about blinding me with it) Well...

Me: (bloody h*ll!!!) Whoa!!

CD: (clicking off the light) Oh, I'm sorry, I should have told you it was bright.

Me: (sh*t, you think?) Uh huh...

CD: Well, it's not an ear infection. Sit tight. I'll be right back.

Me: (what? again?) Okay.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock....

CD: (reentering the room a few minutes later) Let's try another test.

Me: (oh, f**k me, no!!) What now?

CD: I'd like you to stand up with your back facing me and then fall back into my arms.

Me: (EXCUSE ME????) You want me to what??

CD: Don't worry. You'll be fine.

Me: (yeah, right, you just about blinded me a few minutes ago) No, I'm sorry, I'm too dizzy.

CD: I'll catch you. Trust me.

Me: (uh, nope) I can't do this.

CD: Please, we have to do this test.

Me: (sigh) Alright.

CD: Thank you.

Me: (turning around and 3-2-1...) OH MY GOD, I'm going to throw up!!

CD: (catching me) You really are dizzy.

Me: (no sh*t, Sherlock) Yes, that's what I've been telling you.

CD: (guiding me to a chair) Here, sit down.

Me: (nothing, just trying not to puke)

CD: Okay, I'm going to look up what I think you have.

Me: (you're going to look up what you think I have? ) Uh, sure... (wtf???)

She then proceeded to sit down at the computer in the exam room and started searching Google. This isn't really happening, I kept thinking to myself as she clicked and scrolled away while I sneaked a peek over her shoulder to see what on earth she was searching for. When I heard the printer go off a few minutes later, I sat back in the chair and waited to hear what she had to say.

CD: (getting up and handing me the printed sheets) This is probably what you have. It's called BPPV.

Me: (probably??? BPPV?? huh???) So, what do I do to make it go away?

CD: I want you to read the information, and then do the exercises on these pages a few times a day for the next week.

Me: One week? That's it?

CD: Yes, and then you should be fine.


I "probably" have BPPV, but I "should be fine" in a week?

~ sigh ~

Clearly, I was going to need another opinion.

- JB

OMG, I'm a Mess! - Part Four

I know, I know, where the h*ll have I been for 3 months??

I am so sorry, people, I didn't plan to be away so long, but I've been having some issues.

Do you guys remember my Lickity Split, Banana Slip? Well, it's coming back to haunt me, and haunt me baaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!!

For months now, I have been spinning. I am so dizzy that not even dizzy describes how dizzy I am. According to my doctors (yes, doctors, plural), the spinning is a result of my fall.

I am so f-ing mad because I can't do f**k all. I can't work because I might take another fall at any given moment. I can't go anywhere without my Mother, the EV, because I might take a fall at any given moment. I am a prisoner, pretty much, in my own home. I can't even type this post. Eddy is typing while I dictate.

I am a freakin' mess, people!!!!!!!!!

~ sigh ~

So, what is causing the spinning, exactly? It's bilateral BPPV combined with Meniere's disease. I'm so f-ed, you have no idea, people.

~ sigh ~

So, what's a girl to do? Well, I'm seeing a physiotherapist who specializes in my condition. She told me that because my condition is bilateral (i.e. in both ears), it's very complicated to treat. The damage that's been done is irreversible. All she can do is help me relieve the symptoms so that I can go about living life as normal as possible.

Yup, so that's why I've been MIB (missing in blogging) all this time. I am now going so totally stir crazy that I have to write, and, with Eddy's help, that's what I will be doing.

Oh, did I mention, I have to have surgery for yet another issue that is messing up my life? Oh,yeah, it's true, but I'll have to fill you in on that the next time. For now, I have to stop. Too dizzy to think any more.

Over and out,
JB

Will You Follow Me - iPod Shuffle Says...

Some time last year I came across this music meme that I thought would be fun to try out, but I ended up going on hiatus before I ever got around to it, so the meme was saved as a draft for me to work on later.


Well, now is definitely later, so let me first tell you guys how this meme works, and then I'll share my answers.


Rules:

1. Put your iPod, MP3 player, or whatever you listen to on shuffle
2. For each question, hit the next button to get your answer
3. You must write that song down, no matter how silly it sounds

Alright, now here's what happened when I sat down earlier this morning and pressed play...

1. If someone asks you "Are you okay?," you say:
"Mother's of the Disappeared" - U2
~ Hmm, not to make light of what this song is about, but there are days when I feel like I've been abducted by aliens.

2. How would you describe yourself?
"VCR" - The xx
~ I know myself, I'm comfortable with myself, I like to replay things over in my mind... um, okay, sure...

3. What do you like in a guy or girl?
"Little Feeling" - Leona Cassanova
~ More like little talking... (wink wink)

4. How do you feel today?
"Breathless" - Cat Power
~ I couldn't have said it any better myself.

5. What is your life's purpose?
"Be Here Now" - Ray Lamontagne
~ Whoa, that is so bang on.

6. What's your motto?
"Hand Covers Bruise" - Trent Rezner
~ Uh, nope... iPod shuffle fail.

7. What do your friends think of you?
"Who Will Comfort Me" - Melody Gardot
~ Hmm, maybe for a while after the whole HWSNBN and my Ex saga, but surely not now.

8. What do your parents think of you?
"Comme Une Fille" - Holden
~ Translation: Like a girl. OK, that is too weird. I guess I will always be their little girl.

9. What do you think of often?
"There's Only Me" - Rob Dougan
~ Uh, yeah!! lol OK, seriously, I'm not that self-centered.

10. What is 2 + 2?
"Hate" - Jay-Z, ft. Kanye West
~ So, 2-2 is love? I dunno...

11. What do you think of your best friend?
"Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson" - Robert Plant
~ Oh, Amen, Praise the Lord, Hallelujah! (you'd have to know the story behind this to fully understand)

12. What is your life story?
"Stand Up Comedy" - U2
~ Oh, iPod, you so funny. lol

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Imagination Limitation" - Henrick Shawarz
~ Uh, translation, please. No, seriously. I think the song is in Swedish.

14. What do you think when you see the person you like?
"Worried Man" - Paolo Nutini
~ Oops, another iPod shuffle fail.

15. What will you dance to on your wedding's 4th anniversary?
"Blue Light" - Mazzy Star
~ Um, a little depressing for an anniversary.

16. What will they play at your funeral?
"A Call From the Vatican" - Penelope Cruz (Nine Soundtrack)
~ "Coochie coochie coochie coo..." Uh, I don't think so!!

17. What is your hobby or interest?
"Future Markets" - Jonny Greenwood
~ Yeah, I'm secretly preparing for when I finally leave the food industry behind to start working on Wall Street... NOT!

18. What is your biggest fear?
"L'Assassinat de Carala" - Miles Davis
~ Uh, more like my own assassination by one of my crazy customers!

19. What is your biggest secret?
"American Dreaming" - Dead Can Dance
~ OK, how did my iPod know I want to move to California?

20. What do you want right now?
"Distance and Time" - Alicia Keys
~ Oh, yes, please!!

21. What do you think of your friends?
"For Your Own Benefit" - Philip Glass
~ EW!! I think not! (this song is about satisfying needs, if you know what I mean)

22. When you're rushing to the toilet, what do you think?
"Never Change" - Jay-Z
~ More like gotta pee, gotta pee!

23. The person you hate the most is standing in front of you. What do you tell them?
"I Get Along Without You Very Well" - Chet Baker
~ Oh, h*ll, yeah!! iPod shuffle success!

24. You just won the lottery. What do you sing?
"The Money Train" - Nick Cave
~ Double h*ll, yeah! Woooo woooo!!

25. What will you post this meme as?
"Will You Follow Me" - Rob Dougan
~ Haha, yes! New blog followers are always welcome. :)

I Shoulda Been A Stripper

As most of you know, I haven't really been around the blogosphere for weeks now. If you're wondering why, the long and the short of it is that my life has been complete insanity, and I don't even know how I am still functioning at this point. I feel like my body could give out at any moment, but I don't have time for it to fail me because I have stuff to do. Speaking of which, last month, Court at Tangles Out selected me for the I Shoulda Been A Stripper Award, and I still haven't had a chance to post it here & pass it on to other bloggers, so I'm going to do that right now.

Guidelines:

a. post the award on your blog

- Check!

b. list 7 of your personality traits, as evidenced on your blog

1. Funny
2. Romantic
3. Stubborn
4. Sarcastic
5. Passionate
6. Hardworking
7. Quirky

c. pass the award on to 7 other bloggers with notable personality, and be sure to let them know that they've been selected

1. Chrissy - the woman who invented this award, or so I thought (I'm still waiting for my lap dance!)

2. Anna - my sexy Swedish lover (you so naughty!)

3. Rob - a guy who'd totally rock some tight leather shorts (just imagine Nana's reaction!)

4. Miss.Stefanie - a gal who's the perfect mix of naughty and nice (purrr!)

5. Lee - a woman who knows all about flashing (is it hot in here?)

6. Mr. C - a guy who knows how to please the ladies (I know you have a Chippendales tuxedo, so don't try to deny it. lol)

7. Travel & Dive Girl - an adventurous gal (have you been to any more sex shows?)

Well, that's it for now. I miss you all, my fellow bloggers. Group hug!!

JB

Glamour Gets Real

Hey everyone, this is Eddy sitting in for JB. I'm posting today because I want to share a photo that will appear in the November issue of Glamour magazine.

Far left: Crystal Renn, Amy Lemons, Ashley Graham, Kate Dillon, Anansa Sims and Jennie Runk. Bottom Center: Lizzie Miller. Photo: Matthias Vriens-McGrath

Who are those beautiful women pictured above? Well, first, I want to say kudos to Glamour magazine for printing a photo of what most women (JB and myself included) look like without their clothes on. As for those seven lovely ladies, they are some of the top plus-size models working in the fashion industry. Yes, I said plus-size. Apparently, any model above a size 6 is considered plus-size. WTF????

I think the fashion industry needs a serious reality check.

What do you guys think?

Until next time,
Eddy

Belated Birthday Post

Not too long ago, I had a birthday that I was planning to celebrate with a weekend getaway. Unfortunately, I couldn't get the time off work, so my roommate decided that we should invite some people over & have a party. What he didn't tell me was that there were going to be some surprise guests. They weren't strippers, if that's what you're thinking, just people that I hadn't seen or talked to in a long time. We had a really good mix of old and new friends gathered together, so it was an interesting evening. Well, at least from what from what my roommate and I managed to recall the following morning. He was majorly hungover, and I wasn't doing so hot myself. Now that I'm older, I don't have more than 2 or 3 beers every once and a while, so the 12 year old Scotch that I drank the night before was a whole lot harder on me than it used to be back when I used to party all the time.

Anyway, here are some highlights (lol, not so much) from my party:

- finding two pairs of men's tighty whities & a very large bra by my pool the next morning (clearly, some people got naked)

- falling off my bar stool as I tried to spin around to talk to the person behind me (note to self: the bar stools only spin around half way)

- taking my roommate down with me as I fell off my bar stool, yet managing not to spill a drop of the drink in my hand (I do magic tricks too!)

- three larger then life lesbians skinny dipping in my pool using their breasts as floating devices (like I said, some people got naked)

- the bunch of gay guys who screamed like school girls, and then quickly shielded their eyes when they saw the naked ladies in my pool (talk about a bunch of drama "queens")

- one of those guys yelling, "OH MY GOD, there are beavers in the pool!!" (clearly, he was the biggest "queen" on the scene)

- some guy, wearing nothing but his tighty whities, wandering around the house in a complete daze & muttering, "Where's the bathroom?" (I wonder if he ever found it)

- my roommate starting a bonfire at 2am and almost setting himself on fire in the process (note: don’t play with fire when you're extremely drunk)

- hearing my friend who helped me to bed say, "Hey, I didn't realize that you go commando under your jeans" (good thing that friend's not afraid of beavers)

JB

OMG, I'm A Mess - Part Three

Some of you might remember reading OMG, I'm A Mess and OMG, I'm A Mess - Part Two. The question is, am I still a mess? Well, let's review.

I got rid of the poison in my life (aka my Ex). Good.

The restaurant closing was the right thing for everyone involved. Good.

I got a new job. Good.

I got promoted. Good.

Well, except for one thing... I HATE MAKING CAKES!!!!!!! I F**KING HATE IT!!!!!!!! HATE IT!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!

~sigh~

I thought I was working towards not being a mess, but I messed up. I mean, how the f**k did I get into cakes? I thought smelling like the deli was bad, but smelling like the bakery is worse. Really, you have no idea.

Oh, and did I mention that my manager hates me? Well, she does. I know she has problems of her own, but for f**k sakes, stop taking it out on me, already!!!!!!!!

Yup, just when I thought I was on the way to better things, I realize, OMG, I'm still a mess!

JB

Drifting Thoughts

(Original post date: Saturday, August 9th, 2008)

I am filled with an emptiness that’s larger than an ocean blue across a vast horizon. Talking does not make me feel better. It only hurts more when the words don't come as easily as one may think. Talk, but nothing is coming out, only emptiness is left.

I can't express myself, can't find myself in this skin suit I'm wearing. I am only a shell of who I used to be. Where have I gone? Where do I begin to look for me?

Shall I light a fire so that I can find my way home? Shall I send out a message in a bottle? It's hard to describe to someone how you feel when you can't feel it yourself and the words have disappeared into the darkness of your mind.

Darkness is falling over my soul... the soul of a lost child, trapped in a grown woman’s body and who has never experienced childhood. I have absorbed the sins of my father and mother, and have been lost in their hell.

I want to escape this world, leave it for a beautiful paradise... fly up to the sky, release my chains into the wind, and be free... escape to that quiet place I so desire to find, where I can smell the scents of the earth all over my body and let it blanket me.

I would love to sleep and not wake... slumber deep into the night... drift into a place of limitless air, breathe warm breaths of heaven, and lie down in a pillow of fresh dew.

I have nothing left in me. I am being drained slowly day in and day out. Soon, I will be a shell of who I was, unrecognizable to me or you... nothing left but my hollow corpse of dried blood, cracked flesh, and broken bones.

What used to be has to end. Nothing is as it was. Let go and go forth without hesitation... love and be loved... stay strong and never look back.

I, you, we are only one, and one we will always be.

JB

Tagged! - 50 Random Questions

I never thought I'd actually start a tag, but Eddy sent me this, and so I'm going to fill it out & pass it on.

Tag rules for 50 Random Questions:

1. Name & link back to the person who tagged you
(since I am starting the tag, that's me & you're already here, so no link necessary)

2. Answer & post the 50 random questions on your blog (see below)

3. Tag some bloggers to play along by naming them at the end of your post & by leaving them a comment on their blog letting them know that they have been selected to answer 50 Random Question

(I picked ten people, but feel free to pick however many people you want)


OK, here are my answers...

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
In bed

2. Who are you in love with?
Um... Penelope Cruz

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
Yes... I like the red ones

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Yes... a t-shirt

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
A month ago... too damn busy at work to go to the mall

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
No

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
Yes

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
Last year

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No, but I really want to go see Angels & Demons

10. Are you hot?
Of course I'm hot! What kind of question is that?

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Tea

12. What are you wearing right now?
Underwear

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
Neither, I let the rain do it

14. Last food that you ate?
Pizza

15. Where were you last week at this time?
Work

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
No... too damn busy at work to go shopping, remember?

17. When is the last time you ran?
Umm... when I was trying to get away from the bunnies

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Tour of Italy (cycling... Lance Armstrong)

19. What is your favorite animal?
Cat... meow

20. Your dream vacation?
Paris, France

21. Last person's house you were in?
My mother's

22. Worst injury you've ever had?
Hands down my lickty split, banana slip

23. Have you been in love?
Does with the spawn of Satan count?

24. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yeah, of course... doesn't everybody miss somebody?

25. Last play you saw?
A Midsummer Night's Dream

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I don't need a weapon... I am the weapon

27. What are your plans for tonight?
Depends on how tired I am

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
A band that asked me to check out their tunes

29. Next trip you are going to take?
I can't say for sure, but I want to go to Montreal

30. Ever go to camp?
Camp like band camp? Nope

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
H*ll no

32. What do you want to know about the future?
Nothing... I like to live in the now

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Yes... Prada

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
Yes... got to get my head scanned again... lickty split, banana slip, remember?

35. Where is your best friend?
Currently sitting outside with his clay mask on, beautifying himself

36. How is your best friend?
Soon to be pretty, sometimes witty, but mostly gay

37. Do you have a tan?
Nope, I'm currently as white as Casper, but that will change as soon as I get some time to go cycling

38. What are you listening to right now?
Franz Ferdinand " Tonight" & the Soundtrack to "Angels & Demons"

39. Do you collect anything?
Music & Movies

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
My sister

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
A few weeks ago... I was in a hurry & had to make a call

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
I hate straws

43. What does your last text message say?
'She's as dumb as a post'

44. Do you like hot sauce?
Only on women

45. Last time you took a shower?
Alone or with somebody?

46. Do you need to do laundry?
Damn right... I got six piles on my floor

47. What is your heritage?
Italiano

48. Are you someone's best friend?
Yeah, I'm the best friend of the soon to be pretty, sometimes witty, but mostly gay guy who's currently sitting outside with his clay mask on beautifying himself, remember?

49. Are you rich?
Only in soul, baby, only in soul

50. What were you doing at 12am last night?
I was in bed, dreaming of cookies...


Tag, you're it:

* Anna
* Liz
* Jammmie
* Katie Leigh
* Roberto
* Rita
* Expat From Hell
* Miss Stefanie
* LazyKing
* Cinner

I'll be coming around to see what your answers are, so don't disappoint me. lol

No pressure, right? :)

JB

I Dream of Deli

I don't know about you guys, but I've been having some major a** kicking weeks at work ever since the weather has warmed up. People keep coming in droves like we're the only deli in the city. I'm soooooooo freakin' tired, I want to cry. Wahhhhhh!! Seriously, I almost fell asleep driving home from my mom's the other night. I had gone to have dinner with her after work & could barely keep my eyes open driving back to my place. When I finally did get in the door, I went straight to bed (screw showering, I thought to myself, it could wait until morning), and pretty much passed out the second my head hit the pillow.

Now, ideally, sleeping straight though to the next morning would have been awesome, but my mind just had to make its usual detour through dreamland where anything bizarre can, and usually does, happen to me. The good news is that that there were no bunnies in sight this time around. Whew! Not so good, however, was the fact that I... umm (if you guys don't already think I'm nuts, you're all going to think that I'm totally crazy now) ...was lying totally naked inside the deli counter that I so beautifully organized earlier that day. Yup, I had my head leaning up against a block of mock chicken & a variety of other meats were strategically placed on or around certain parts of my body. Go ahead and consult your imaginations for visuals, I'll wait.

********** Done? OK, good. Hope you enjoyed yourselves. **********

So, there I was... naked... and the deli was packed with people ordering cold cuts like they were going out of style. Every time one of the clerks would slide open the counter doors, I would hand them whatever meats they needed. At one point, Lucky (one of my co-workers) opened the doors to ask if I was cold. You'd think I'd be freezing my a** (among other things) off, but I actually told him that I was fine. So, he quietly slid the doors shut and went back to slicing meat as though what I was doing was totally normal. The customers & I weren't phased either. They just smiled & waved at me as they waited to be served, and I just smiled & waved back like it was all in a days work.

The dream went on like that for quite some time & all was well. Nobody cared that I was lying naked as a newborn inside the deli counter. Nope, nobody, including me. Well, at least until I did. All I can say is that I started feeling really uncomfortable, but I didn't know why. I looked around and nothing appeared to be wrong. Everyone was still smiling & happy as far as I could see, but I just kept feeling like something wasn't right. All of a sudden, my mind presented me with a vision & it wasn't pretty. What I saw was She-Man approaching the deli counter (cue scary Jaws music), and I knew I had to get the h*ll out of there before she/he showed up, stripped off her/his clothes, and jumped in with me. It was in that moment of total panic that I woke up, and thank God for that because I don't think that I could ever erase the sight of She-Man naked from my mind. No, that is one picture that I never ever want to have burned into my memory, thank you very much.

JB

Tagged! - (Un)important Things

I can't believe it's already Friday, can you? This week went by in flash.

Anyway, turns out I'm 'it' in a game of (Un)important Things tag, so I better get going.

The rules are as easy as A-B-C:

A. Name & link back to the person who tagged you

B. List six (un)important things that make you happy

C. Tag six bloggers & let them know they're it by leaving them a comment

I was tagged by Libertine (aka Magdalena) over at The Untamed Thoughts on Autism. She's the lovely lady who awarded me the Neno's award last week. Thanks again for the honour!

Six (un)important things that make me happy are:

1. Espresso coffee
2. Bike rides
3. My fellow bloggers
4. Milk moustaches
5. Poetry
6. Art galleries

Tag, you're it...

Anna - A Storm in a Wine Glass

Jerry - I Know What I'm Doing

Rica - Embrace the Laughter

Chris - Maugeritaville

Michel - Facts Are Strictly Optional

Lorenzo - Crowned With Laurels


Have fun!

JB

25 Things

Have any of you been tagged to reveal 25 things about yourself? It happened to me a few weeks ago, but I never sat down to compile a list. My friends have been hounding me ever since, so I guess I better get to it.

1. I love ice cream sandwiches so much, I can eat a 12 pack in one sitting.

2. I love vampires. You’re probably thinking, JB, they don’t exist. Yeah, well... bite me.

3. I hate people who are there for you only when it’s convenient for them.

4. I used to shoplift when I was a kid. I even started my own shoplifting gang and gave pointers on how not to get caught.

5. The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me was waking up on a park bench with nothing on except my underwear. Don't ask. Just know that it was during my young & stupid days.

6. I think David Beckham is freakin’ hot and I would totally have a fling with him if he was so inclined.

7. I love candy.

8. Throwing up gummy bears scares me. Long story...

9. I hate people that interrupt in the middle of a conversation. Wait your damn turn, already!

10. My mom has the scariest pictures of me & she needs to be silenced before she starts showing them around. (Love you, mommy!)

11. I’d love to be blog of note, but seeing as there are God-only-knows how many blogs out there, I think my chances are slimmer than slim to none.

12. I really do believe that people should consider, as the saying goes, walking a mile in another person's shoes before they pass judgment.

13. I hate liars.

14. I once slept with a hooker (another escapade from my young & stupid days), but I swear I didn't know until after the fact.

15. Also, for the record, I didn't pay her, nor was there a second time.

16. I don’t like the colour green.

17. I don’t like the colour grey much either.

18. I usually sleep naked.

19. I didn't learn how to drive until I was 25.

20. I could really use some TLC these days.

21. I don’t like climbing stairs with no backs (ex. fire escapes). They freak me out.

22. I've never been to Disney World.

23. I've haven't let anyone that I didn't feel a connection with sleep in my bed.

24. I hate people who can't commit to anything.

25. Blogging feeds my soul, and I so appreciate all of you out there who take the time to come by and leave comments. From my heart, I thank you one & all.

JB

OMG, I'm One of 'Those' Women

I've been reading the book He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, and I’ve discovered something shocking about myself. It turns out I'm one of ‘those’ women. You know, the kind that can’t clue in to the fact that a certain someone just isn’t into them. Here I am reading the book because I heard that it’s really funny, meanwhile it’s just making me mad. The authors might be trying to help women understand the mixed signals that guys send out, but I can tell you that the signals are just as mixed up when it comes to women dating women. What’s really crazy is that my Ex behaved like a guy who wasn’t into a woman when we were together, and now she’s with a guy who really isn’t into her & she makes excuses for his behaviour. Whew, and I thought I was messed up.

Anyway, the more I read this book, the more I think about what Greg’s response would have been to me had I written to him with my story. I can just imagine his reply…

Dear Stupid with the Ex who doesn’t know which side she’s batting for & never will,

How many times do you need to be hit in the head with the penis of your ex-best friend? You know, the one that your Ex has been riding? Get a life before you have no more dignity left. No one is worth all this pain. She’s dug her grave now let her lay in it with the barely-a-man boy who chose to screw the bi/curious/gay/lesbian/straight/whatever the hell biatch!

Greg

Yeah, I’m pretty sure it would've gone something like that.

JB

Honesty Crap (no, that is not a typo)

I decided to do my very own version of an Honesty Scrap, but I'm calling mine 'Honesty Crap' because I think I’m really full of crap and it’s time I unload some of it instead of keeping it locked away like buried treasure. I hadn't been able to put my finger on what’s really bothering me lately until last night when I had this deep philosophical conversation with Eddy, my cuzz, the best cuzz in the world. You see, she slapped some sense into me and made realize some things.

1. I hate my Ex with everything I have inside me. I say I love her, but I really hate her more than anything in the world and I don’t want to forgive her, not now or maybe not ever. She is a mean, inconsiderate, selfish, belligerent, cruel, lying bitch who truly only cares about her self. This is how I really feel. I hate her with every inch of my core and she makes me sick to my stomach. All I want to do is throw up when I think about what she has done to me and what I continue to let her do it to me. I have let her continue to hurt me over and over again because I choose to let her do it, but today is a new day and I am not going to be the victim any longer. She hasn't treated me any better then she did a year ago or two years ago and it will never change. I will always be treated like an outsider, a second class citizen, a passing stranger. I will never be her equal and the sad thing is that she sees me as a victim and she is the one who victimized me all this time. She can actually make me feel like I’m the one who should be blamed when she speaks to me in the most inconsiderate voice as though I’m just this nobody she just met. Well, I will no longer take this kind of treatment from anyone. I will no longer be the stranger or the victim in her life or let her dictate my life and how I should feel or behave. F**k her!

2. I have no patience for liars or schemers or anyone who can’t be true to me or themselves. I hate ignorance and I hate lazy people. Laziness is the trait I despise most. It's something I can't stomach. If you’re lazy, you’re not going to mesh well with me.

3. My dream is to become a writer. Actually, it’s not a dream; it’s what I’m going to do if it kills me, literally. It’s what I always wanted to be besides being a rocker. If you don’t know this about me, I play guitar and I’m pretty good at it, or so my friends tell me. Either that or they’re good liars. I will write my book. I know this for sure. How I know I can’t tell you, but I will and I won’t stop until it happens.

4. I’m not a quitter. I never give up on anything or anyone... like with my EX, but she's finally broken the camel's back with her last straw. I never give up on myself. I have thrown in the towel a few times, but I've always gone back to get that towel.

5. This next one is hard for me to write, but I need to get this off my chest. For the last few months all I have wanted to do is kill myself. I feel totally out of touch with myself and my surroundings. The irony, however, is that I'm already dead because the one person I loved killed me a long time ago. I spent 14 years believing that she was my equal only to find out that she didn't even consider me in the end, and I have let the last 2 years slowly kill me from the inside out. I blame myself for all of this, and even though I don’t fear death (it’s me that I fear… me, this lost, lonely, sad women) I know that there is no way in h*ll that she is worth me killing myself. So, I will walk with my head up in the air and be proud.

6. I’m scared that no one will ever love me again because I fear letting anyone in. I fear being hurt. I fear I can never trust anyone with my heart or my soul. I’m actually really scared. It’s that simple. I’m scared and I’m even more scared to never feel love or be loved again.

7. I want to move to Paris to write my book, but I’m scared to leave my life here… scared even though I hate being here. This is something I need to do. It has been on my mind now for many years. Why Paris, I don’t know, but I need to go soon before it drives me nuts. This is my secret obsession. It drives me crazy all the time. I’m so drawn to go there. I know it has to be done soon, but I’m scared.

8. I have a passion for cycling that’s almost obsessive. My bike is an extension of me. When I go out riding I feel so free. I feel like I’m flying when I’m coming down the hills at 90 km an hour. If I die on my bike, I will die happy. Sometimes, I see myself crashing at those speeds and just flying arms spread open accepting my faith no matter what. I bike sometimes for 6 hours straight, none stop. I just go and get lost in the ride. I can’t describe to you how it feels.

9. I regret not taking my trip to France last year to do the tour of the Alps. It was all the mountain stages in the Alps that Lance Armstrong has done. It would have covered 1500 km in 3 weeks. I regret this so much & it’s something I really need to do. I didn't do it because I made excuses as to why I should stay or go -- work, money, my state of mind, moving, using my money for work instead of pleasure, buying a house -- based on the only choice I had, move out of my old place because I had shared it with my Ex & needed to get the h*ll out of there. I was stuck and needed a fast fix.

10. I need to stand my ground more with my friends and my choices when it comes to my life. It’s time to live for me and no one else. I need to let it all go and start to be myself. I’m tried of running from my own truths. I have done so much for others and nothing for me in a long time. I regret not being stronger in my choices when it comes to doing things for me and I know I can’t blame anyone else. I hold myself responsible for all my short comings.

11. I will never sacrifice my happiness for money ever again. I will not let money dictate my life or my choices. I will not have a job that I make money at so that I can live in a big house or whatever. I won’t be wealthy of wallet and poor of soul. I would rather be poor and happy, than rich and miserable. I have made this very clear to everyone. I will not be dictated by money. I will sell everything I have and so be it. I don’t need any of this. My possessions will not define me. How I treat myself & others is what matters. I don’t want to be remembered by what I have, but by how I conducted my self in my life and how I behaved towards others.

12. I want to be happy with myself as I paint this new picture I call my so-called-life.

13. I dream of the day love comes to me and holds me in its gaze. I will hear the words I love you and I will never hurt you. I will look at myself in the mirror and say I love you, JB, forever. It’s time that JB loves JB.

14. I've always wanted children and now I’m scared that it’s never going to happen because I spent so much time loving & believing that someone wanted to share this with me.

15. Although I accept the fact that I'm gay, it’s still hard and frustrating, and I've wished sometimes that I could just be someone else, but this is who I am.

16. I want to forget these last three years… just wipe them out of my head and start again, but instead I have to deal with all of it head on. Amen to me.

17. I believe in God & every night I kneel by my bed and say a prayer, but things weren't always this way. Nope, for a long time I hated God because in the bible being gay is a sin, but one day last Summer I didn't know where else to turn, so I turned to Him. I begged him to make the pain stop, but I’m still alive, so I guess there’s more that I’m supposed to be doing here on earth.

18. This is another hard one to write, but here goes. For the longest time I have slept with my cell phone under my pillow hoping that one night my Ex would call wanting to talk, to tell me she misses me, or that she just needed to hear my voice, but there haven't been any calls & I know there never will be.

19. I had this dream that I would marry the one I love and we'd have children & live this great happy life together, but I was so in denial that I couldn't see what was right in front of me, i.e. nothing. My dream was mine & mine alone.

20. My new mantra is 'I'm no one's victim' because it's time I reclaim my life & get my power back. I'm done being used & letting myself be used.

Well, there you have it, folks -- my honesty crap. You may think I’m nuts, but I don’t care. This is my blog after all, so I will write what I want. I’m not ashamed. Life is full of honesty ‘crap’ and sometimes you need to let it go.

JB

Curiously Strong Factoids - More About Me

I was visiting Rene's blog the other day (she is one of my fave bloggers), and I really liked her most recent post -- Curiously Strong Factoids -- , so I thought I'd go for the tag that was up for grabs. Here goes....

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, my uncle (my dad's brother), but I got the female version of his name, of course.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED AND WHY?
Yesterday, while driving in to work. I always cry. It's stronger than me.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yeah, I do. It’s a strange combo of half printing & half writing.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I can't choose, so it's a tie between hot Genoa Salami and Mortadella. Mmmmmm, yummy in my tummy.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No, but I would love to.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Damn straight, I’d be my friend! Why not?!

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Blackthoughts should tell you a lot. Plus, I work with my family. Sarcasm is a survival tool.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No. They were removed when I was 8. They almost killed me.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I’m bungee jumping right now through my messed up life.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I don’t eat cereal. Should I be eating it?

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes, otherwise my mom will yell at me.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
I’m stronger than I thought I was.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Again, I can't choose, so it's a tie between Strawberry Vanilla or Chocolate Mint.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ?
Smile

RED OR PINK?
Pink

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I trust too easily.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ?
You mean besides my Ex? I miss my Aunt.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Seven jeans and white & brown puma runners

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE ?
My mother's homemade manicotti

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (soundtrack), The Fountain (soundtrack), Fallen (Evanescence), and The Open Door (also by Evanescence.)

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Orange

FAVORITE SMELLS?
Rain

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My mother

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Cycling, especially The Tour De France

HAIR COLOR?
I just coloured it... dark brown.

EYE COLOR?
Dark brown, yet they sometimes look black depending on my mood/what I’m wearing.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes

FAVORITE FOOD?
Pizza

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings. I hate scary movies. They are too predictable.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A&F pink and white stripped polo

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer because it means I can go cycling and to the beach

HUGS OR KISSES?
Long warm kisses followed up by long warm hugs

FAVORITE DESSERT?
Shortbread cookies

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Night by Elie Wiesel

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Lance Armstrong

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Grey's Anatomy and Fringe

FAVORITE SOUND?
Rain

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Rolling Stones

WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Europe

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yes, but I can’t tell you. You’ll have to meet me to know what it is…

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Italy

I tag:
Everyone who reads this. :) Come on, folks, take on the challenge!

JB