I Dream of Deli

I don't know about you guys, but I've been having some major a** kicking weeks at work ever since the weather has warmed up. People keep coming in droves like we're the only deli in the city. I'm soooooooo freakin' tired, I want to cry. Wahhhhhh!! Seriously, I almost fell asleep driving home from my mom's the other night. I had gone to have dinner with her after work & could barely keep my eyes open driving back to my place. When I finally did get in the door, I went straight to bed (screw showering, I thought to myself, it could wait until morning), and pretty much passed out the second my head hit the pillow.

Now, ideally, sleeping straight though to the next morning would have been awesome, but my mind just had to make its usual detour through dreamland where anything bizarre can, and usually does, happen to me. The good news is that that there were no bunnies in sight this time around. Whew! Not so good, however, was the fact that I... umm (if you guys don't already think I'm nuts, you're all going to think that I'm totally crazy now) ...was lying totally naked inside the deli counter that I so beautifully organized earlier that day. Yup, I had my head leaning up against a block of mock chicken & a variety of other meats were strategically placed on or around certain parts of my body. Go ahead and consult your imaginations for visuals, I'll wait.

********** Done? OK, good. Hope you enjoyed yourselves. **********

So, there I was... naked... and the deli was packed with people ordering cold cuts like they were going out of style. Every time one of the clerks would slide open the counter doors, I would hand them whatever meats they needed. At one point, Lucky (one of my co-workers) opened the doors to ask if I was cold. You'd think I'd be freezing my a** (among other things) off, but I actually told him that I was fine. So, he quietly slid the doors shut and went back to slicing meat as though what I was doing was totally normal. The customers & I weren't phased either. They just smiled & waved at me as they waited to be served, and I just smiled & waved back like it was all in a days work.

The dream went on like that for quite some time & all was well. Nobody cared that I was lying naked as a newborn inside the deli counter. Nope, nobody, including me. Well, at least until I did. All I can say is that I started feeling really uncomfortable, but I didn't know why. I looked around and nothing appeared to be wrong. Everyone was still smiling & happy as far as I could see, but I just kept feeling like something wasn't right. All of a sudden, my mind presented me with a vision & it wasn't pretty. What I saw was She-Man approaching the deli counter (cue scary Jaws music), and I knew I had to get the h*ll out of there before she/he showed up, stripped off her/his clothes, and jumped in with me. It was in that moment of total panic that I woke up, and thank God for that because I don't think that I could ever erase the sight of She-Man naked from my mind. No, that is one picture that I never ever want to have burned into my memory, thank you very much.

JB

Down The Rabbit Hole... Again

Remember when I told you guys about that dream I had about bunnies that wanted me to join their clan? Well, I don't know if it's because I'm sleep deprived due to the woodpecker (aka Paul the Pecker), or because I'm overworked, or if I'm just going nuts, but the leader bunny came back for a visit the other night. This time, the dream started out with me sitting in an office filled with potted carrot plants. I was looking around, trying to figure out what the h*ll I was doing there, when I heard the office door open. I turned to look at who was there, and in came the big, fluffy leader bunny.

Leader: Hi JB, welcome back.

Me: Holy sh*t! Not again!

Leader: Why are you so surprised that you're here again?

Me: (this is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening...)

Leader: I know what you're thinking. You want to know why you are here, instead of in our den or on the beach.

Me: (no, I'm thinking...) Mommy!!!!!!!

Leader: Your mommy can't help you, JB.

Me: Mommy, hello!!!

Leader: JB, don't be scared. You're here for a reason. Do you want to know?

Me: This is nuts. Please, someone, helllllooooooo!!! Crazy bunny at 3 o'clock!!!

Leader: Wise cracks, JB, that's just like you.

Me: (nothing... just staring back)

Leader: You are on the right path now. You finally did what you needed to do.

Me: What path? What did I do?

Leader: You got rid of the last obstacle that was standing in the way to your new life.

OK, people, now this is where things get really freaky. For some reason, something about the way the bunny was looking at me was making me look even deeper into its eyes. Suddenly, I realized that the bunny was a woman... a woman named Beena. We work together at the deli. She is Muslim and is always telling me how much faith I have. According to her, I'm on the right track & she knows this because she can see right through me. She says that she can feel my strength & that I am her soldier of truth and love. She also says that I have changed all the people who work at the deli.

Me: Uh... Beena?

Leader/Beena: Yes, JB.

JB: Really? Beena, it's you?

Leader/Beena: Yes. I told you people come into your life for a reason, JB. I am your guide. Are you starting to see it now? Have you opened your mind to the possibility that you're exactly where you're supposed to be?

Me: But in the first dream, I hadn't even met you yet. What about your clan?

Leader/Beena: Like you, they are just others who have found their way. Your purpose now is to help Jade (another woman who works with me). It's why we're both where we are.

Me: Jade? Why her?

Leader/Beena: Because, JB, she needs you more then you can imagine. It's your purpose. Do not sway from it because it will get you to the next step in your journey.

Me: But she hates me. She told me I'm egotistical, and selfish, and...

Leader/Beena: No, she doesn't mean those words. What she really wants is to be like you.

Me: Are you really sure I'm supposed to help her?

Leader/Beena: Yes.

Me: Hmm.... You know, you look really weird as a bunny.

Leader/Beena: Yes, but we can't help how we are revealed to one another.

We didn't say anything after that. I just kept looking at her and she kept looking back at me, and then I was awake. I'm freakin' losing it, I thought to myself as I lay there in the dark. Beena the bunny says Jade the hater needs my help. This should be interesting. How do you help someone who's flat out told you that they don't like you?

JB

Down The Rabbit Hole

I had a dream… not a Martin Luther King Jr kind of dream, but a ‘what the h*ll was that all about?’ kind of dream. I was in what seemed like a cave and I was surrounded by bunnies that were sticking white fur all over my body. They wanted me to join their bunny clan, or I guess ‘herd’ is the correct term. I tried to fend them off, but they wouldn't stop. I said to the bunny who appeared to be the leader…

JB: Listen, I'm human.

Leader: Don’t worry, you'll fit right in.

JB: No, I'm human.

Leader: Look, you are being transformed and looking more like us.

He turned me towards a large mirror, and I saw that I was beginning to look like a fluffy Easter Bunny kind of bunny. Wow, I thought to myself, I think I can pull off these ears. I don’t know why, but they looked really good to me. I couldn't stop caressing them.

Suddenly, I felt one of them grab my butt & stick a tail on me.

JB: Hey! No, I don't like it. It feels strange.

They tried to get me to sit down, but I couldn't with that puffy tail stuck to my butt.

JB: Stop, I don't want to join you. Can I keep the ears, though? Please, I like this look.

All of them (there must have been a good 25 or more) stood up on their hind legs and faced me.

Leader: JB, don't worry. We will guide you from this point on. Don't be afraid.

Well, let me tell you, standing up on their hind legs made them a good 7 feet tall and they looked pretty damn scary to me. All I wanted to do was get the heck out of there. I turned to face what looked like the way out and made a run for it.

Next thing I know, I was on a beach and the sand was freakin' hot. I thought for sure it would burn the skin off my feet. I looked back to see if the bunnies were after me, and was relieved that there was no sign of them. Whew!! I then quickly went over to the water and stepped in. It felt so good… very cool, very refreshing.

As I walked along the water’s edge, I was distracted by the view and almost didn't notice that a man was sitting in the sand. He appeared to be meditating, so I was just going to go around him, but then he turned to speak to me.

Man: Hi JB (he had an Indian accent). I have been waiting for you. I am your guide to the next part of your journey.

JB: Do I know you?

Man: Yes, you do.

JB: From where?

Man: From inside your heart. I know your soul. I know your fears. I know where you are going.

JB: Did you see the bunnies?

Man: What are you talking about? I have been sitting on this beach waiting for you.

JB: Oh… sorry…

It was then that I noticed he had no arms or legs. How did he get here, I thought to myself. Again, he spoke.

Man: I am going to guide you, JB, you just have to follow. Are you ready?

All of a sudden, these incredibly huge angel-like wings came of out his back, and he took flight. I was completely mesmerized watching him fly off into the horizon, but what really got to me was when I heard him say, “Go now. Go follow your path.”

JB: My path? What does that mean? I thought you were going to guide me?

Next thing I know, I'm awake & staring at the ceiling through wet eyes. Tears? I don't remember crying.

Holy crap, I thought as I grabbed a Kleenex, talking 7 foot bunnies sticking fur on me, a really hot beach with very cool water, a flying Indian man with no limbs.... I must really need a vacation because that was one crazy a** dream.

The bunny ears did look good on me though… seriously.

JB