It's been a very sad time as of late. Sleep is hard to come by and I am exhausted. I'm not up for writing much more, so I'll share something to think about and be on my way.
Until next time,
Eddy
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Food for Thought: Grief and Grieving
Hi Everyone,
It's been a very sad time as of late. Sleep is hard to come by and I am exhausted. I'm not up for writing much more, so I'll share something to think about and be on my way.
Until next time,
Eddy
It's been a very sad time as of late. Sleep is hard to come by and I am exhausted. I'm not up for writing much more, so I'll share something to think about and be on my way.
Until next time,
Eddy
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Food for Thought: Grief is Just Love...
Hello Everyone,
Since my earlier post last Friday, JB and I have had a bunch of sad news come our way. The saddest news of all being that a very dear cousin of ours passed away. Cancer... I hate that disease.
Our cousin was something else. Husband, father, brother, friend... story teller. Truly, he could talk and talk and talk! I have no idea how he could remember so far back into his childhood with such clarity. I'm lucky if recall what I ate last night for dinner. I'm going to miss his stories. I'll miss his phone calls -- "Hey, what you doin'?" -- every month. He lived out west, so we didn't see each other much. I think the last time we got together in person was over five years ago. Time goes fast when you're busy living your life, but he's done living now -- at least on this earthly plane. No doubt he's chatting up a storm with his parents, my dad, and other family members who've crossed over. Yep, they're having a reunion party, while the rest of us are grieving. And so it goes....
What is grief? I came across something by a woman named Jamie Anderson that really resonated with me and I want to share it with all of you.
"Grief is just love with no place to go." Well said, Jamie, well said.
Goodbye, cousin. Thanks for the memories. We'll miss you.
- Eddy & JB
Since my earlier post last Friday, JB and I have had a bunch of sad news come our way. The saddest news of all being that a very dear cousin of ours passed away. Cancer... I hate that disease.
Our cousin was something else. Husband, father, brother, friend... story teller. Truly, he could talk and talk and talk! I have no idea how he could remember so far back into his childhood with such clarity. I'm lucky if recall what I ate last night for dinner. I'm going to miss his stories. I'll miss his phone calls -- "Hey, what you doin'?" -- every month. He lived out west, so we didn't see each other much. I think the last time we got together in person was over five years ago. Time goes fast when you're busy living your life, but he's done living now -- at least on this earthly plane. No doubt he's chatting up a storm with his parents, my dad, and other family members who've crossed over. Yep, they're having a reunion party, while the rest of us are grieving. And so it goes....
What is grief? I came across something by a woman named Jamie Anderson that really resonated with me and I want to share it with all of you.
"Grief is just love with no place to go." Well said, Jamie, well said.
Goodbye, cousin. Thanks for the memories. We'll miss you.
- Eddy & JB
Friday, October 24, 2008
RIP It's been a sad week
This week started off with bad news for my family. My uncle died unexpectedly on Monday. I haven't really wanted to post anything, but I felt that I should at least say a few words. My uncle was a father, a husband, a brother, and an all around good man, who was loved and respected.
He gave all he could to his family and the ones he loved and I will miss him deeply. He was also Eddy's father. Eddy is a rock, and this week I saw the rock roll and sway. This was hard on me, but I was happy to be there to stop the rock from going over the edge.
In times of sadness and loss, the one thing we have is our family and friends. Without them, what do we really have? This week I watched my family come to terms with the death of someone we loved and realised how precious and fragile life truly is.
Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity you have. Don't waste time anymore and just love because you may wake up one morning to find out that the person you loved is gone and can never come back, and you never told them you loved them enough, never took the time to hug them enough. Now it's to late.
Please stop wasting time. Tell everyone around you everyday what they mean to you and how they make you happy. Please just do it. Don't hesitate because it maybe the last time you have the chance to say it.
Zio (this means uncle in Italian), I will miss you everyday and I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to say good-bye and tell you how much I loved you.
RIP
JB
Zio (this means uncle in Italian), I will miss you everyday and I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to say good-bye and tell you how much I loved you.
RIP
JB
Friday, September 26, 2008
For The Sake Of My Mental Health: It's Over!
It’s over, finally. I did what I have been avoiding for a long time. I cut ties with my Ex. It was time. As much as I wanted to be friends, it was never going to happen. As long as HWSNBN is in the picture, being friends won't work, not now, not ever. I mean, really, how can two people be friends when the thing that destroyed them is there as a constant reminder of the hurt, lies, betrayal, hate, and all the rest of it?
So, I composed myself, and made the call. I asked her how we could be friends when I can never go to her home and share a meal with her at her table, or just hang out and watch a movie, etc. She responded by telling me that she was living in a fantasy world, she didn't know how it would work, and that I was right. I asked her where she thought she's going to go with this whole fantasy life and how she can be so naive, but I already knew the answer to my own question. Fact is, she has always wanted what she wants, when she wants, so I didn't expect much more from her. In the end, I told her: Being friends isn't going to work, so I have to let you go. Be happy in your life, take care of yourself, and if one day you decide to do the right thing, so be it. Until then, it’s good-bye.
I feel so sad & empty today (actually, I feel kind of sick, to tell you the truth) because I have fought for this friendship for two years, not knowing I was being lied to (read my older posts for the back story) the whole time, and now I had to be the one to do the right thing. Oh well, I guess it’s for me & my mental health, and I hope it will help her figure things out for herself. This really was the only way out for both of us. I don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want to be hurt again. I will be sad, and I will miss her, but maybe, just maybe, some good will come from all of this.
JB
So, I composed myself, and made the call. I asked her how we could be friends when I can never go to her home and share a meal with her at her table, or just hang out and watch a movie, etc. She responded by telling me that she was living in a fantasy world, she didn't know how it would work, and that I was right. I asked her where she thought she's going to go with this whole fantasy life and how she can be so naive, but I already knew the answer to my own question. Fact is, she has always wanted what she wants, when she wants, so I didn't expect much more from her. In the end, I told her: Being friends isn't going to work, so I have to let you go. Be happy in your life, take care of yourself, and if one day you decide to do the right thing, so be it. Until then, it’s good-bye.
I feel so sad & empty today (actually, I feel kind of sick, to tell you the truth) because I have fought for this friendship for two years, not knowing I was being lied to (read my older posts for the back story) the whole time, and now I had to be the one to do the right thing. Oh well, I guess it’s for me & my mental health, and I hope it will help her figure things out for herself. This really was the only way out for both of us. I don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want to be hurt again. I will be sad, and I will miss her, but maybe, just maybe, some good will come from all of this.
JB
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
My Blanket of Sadness
It’s 1 o'clock in the morning and, as usual, I can’t sleep. Only, this time is different than most sleepless nights because tonight I dug out my blanket, the one that I have been hiding for the last few weeks. My blanket of sadness... the one that consists of the last three years of my life woven into one tangled & messy weave, otherwise known as the life of a depressed person trying to hide from all the hurt and pain that she's experienced because of a failed relationship with the one person who she thought would never fail her... the one person who she thought would love her forever.
Tonight, my blanket of sadness has a strangle hold on me, and it won’t let go. Sitting at the edge of my bed crying like my kitten just died, I realize that the hurt is still there no matter what, and my blanket is the only thing that gives me comfort. The agonizing thought that two people who played a cruel & unthinkable game with me could be sharing a bed together makes me want to move to another country, just so I never have to witness the mockery of this affair. Someone tell me how you can live a truth that was based on lies to start off with?
On the floor by my feet, there's a puddle of tears surrounded by Kleenex. It's a familiar scene that I thought was finally over, but I guess my blanket of sadness is wrapped around me tighter than I thought. I have been trying to store it away permanently, and hope I will soon. For now, I need to cover my face because my tears feel like acid, and my eyes are burning. I need to say this: I hate them both with an undeniable passion, and wish them pain & suffering for the rest of their lives. This may sound mean, but it's what I feel... it's the hurt talking. Some people would probably say worse. All I know is that I need to release it. The sadness is only a temporary thing that will fade as my wounds heal.
I know that I may declare love for this woman in some of my posts, but there is a thin line between love and hate. You can’t draw the line properly because it’s blurred. We love as hard as we hate, and I am living proof of this. I have forgiven myself, but tonight I hate this overwhelming feeling of loosing control. Something has taken over my heart, and filled it with the hate that I am trying to unload.
Why are you here tonight, sadness and hate? Why are you strangling me? Are you reminding me that I am alive and need to feel all that is in me?
Wrapping the blanket tighter, I feel secure that I will finish this, and then get to sleep like a child. I miss that kind of sleep so much. Maybe, I will dream of the love that once cared for me, who held me in her gaze for hours and watched me sleep. I miss her as much as I hate her. My heart and soul ache for her touch, her lips, her love.
My blanket of sadness is holding the hurt, sad, betrayed, and somewhat depressed women deep within me... the woman who never once gave up on her love, yet whose love gave up on her in a heart beat because a half life was easier to settle for than a full life. It's sad what people will do to fit into the structures dictated by others.
JB
Tonight, my blanket of sadness has a strangle hold on me, and it won’t let go. Sitting at the edge of my bed crying like my kitten just died, I realize that the hurt is still there no matter what, and my blanket is the only thing that gives me comfort. The agonizing thought that two people who played a cruel & unthinkable game with me could be sharing a bed together makes me want to move to another country, just so I never have to witness the mockery of this affair. Someone tell me how you can live a truth that was based on lies to start off with?
On the floor by my feet, there's a puddle of tears surrounded by Kleenex. It's a familiar scene that I thought was finally over, but I guess my blanket of sadness is wrapped around me tighter than I thought. I have been trying to store it away permanently, and hope I will soon. For now, I need to cover my face because my tears feel like acid, and my eyes are burning. I need to say this: I hate them both with an undeniable passion, and wish them pain & suffering for the rest of their lives. This may sound mean, but it's what I feel... it's the hurt talking. Some people would probably say worse. All I know is that I need to release it. The sadness is only a temporary thing that will fade as my wounds heal.
I know that I may declare love for this woman in some of my posts, but there is a thin line between love and hate. You can’t draw the line properly because it’s blurred. We love as hard as we hate, and I am living proof of this. I have forgiven myself, but tonight I hate this overwhelming feeling of loosing control. Something has taken over my heart, and filled it with the hate that I am trying to unload.
Why are you here tonight, sadness and hate? Why are you strangling me? Are you reminding me that I am alive and need to feel all that is in me?
Wrapping the blanket tighter, I feel secure that I will finish this, and then get to sleep like a child. I miss that kind of sleep so much. Maybe, I will dream of the love that once cared for me, who held me in her gaze for hours and watched me sleep. I miss her as much as I hate her. My heart and soul ache for her touch, her lips, her love.
My blanket of sadness is holding the hurt, sad, betrayed, and somewhat depressed women deep within me... the woman who never once gave up on her love, yet whose love gave up on her in a heart beat because a half life was easier to settle for than a full life. It's sad what people will do to fit into the structures dictated by others.
JB
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Pablo Neruda: Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines
For any of you who love poetry, you're sure to love Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines, a beautiful poem by Pablo Neruda. He was an amazing poet who won the 1971 Nobel Prize in Literature. I've posted the poem below. Meanwhile, a video where you can hear actor Andy Garcia read the poem out loud can be found on my myspace page. Just click to view all of my blog entries. Then, once the page turns over, scroll down towards the bottom to locate the video.
Pablo Neruda (1904-1971)
Born: Neftalí Ricardo Reyes Basoalto
Place of Birth: Parral, Chile
Occupation: Poet, Diplomat, Political figure
Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines - Pablo Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, "The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance."
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
__________________________________________________________
My love, if I could have written this poem for you, those are the words that I would've chosen to express what is and will always be in my heart and soul, now and forever. Goodbye sweet, sweet angel, who saved my life not so long ago. May you become that beautiful women you so long to be. Goodbye, until our paths cross again on a starry night.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
JB
Pablo Neruda (1904-1971)
Born: Neftalí Ricardo Reyes Basoalto
Place of Birth: Parral, Chile
Occupation: Poet, Diplomat, Political figure
Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines - Pablo Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, "The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance."
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
__________________________________________________________
My love, if I could have written this poem for you, those are the words that I would've chosen to express what is and will always be in my heart and soul, now and forever. Goodbye sweet, sweet angel, who saved my life not so long ago. May you become that beautiful women you so long to be. Goodbye, until our paths cross again on a starry night.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
JB
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